survivor's story

2 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Aug 17 - 1PM
survivor
survivor's picture

survivor's story

Know him for 20 years, since i am 17 years old. Never got a chance to know any other man.
Then got married at age 25. Very subtle abuse started even before marriaage.I was not sure whether to marry him or not. He told me with his usual extraordinary confidence, ..You would be unhappy in your life without me and you would be unhappy living with me aswell,so why dont you marry me so that atleast I can be happy.....and I fall for that....stupid me!! I have chosen to be unhappy with him, since I was sure that I would be unhappy without him, because he told me so!! Here I am married to him for 13 long unhappy abusive years. Subtle abuse became open and everyday kind of things. Not physical abuse, its all emotional and somewhat sexual.Cant write it all in one post.
Important update now: finally I have the strenght and guts to seek divorce. 18 days of separation, has to wait for him to response. we have a wonderful son togather, now on my custody but he is asking for 50 percent custody. He was abusive to my son aswell. my son does not like him but want to see him time to time as well. My husband is in different city, coming to my city in 2 days and want to take my son for a day outing. I am worried, can he damage my son, twist his mind, can my son fall for his charming manipulation...worried. please advice. I will write more about the relationship soon.

Aug 18 - 12AM
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

As a Mom I know the pain of

As a Mom I know the pain of wanting to protect your child from the N. I am thankful to not be in this position to be 'forced' to let the N interact with my child. I hope one of the other Mom's here can help you as far as what you can do to try to limit his access to less than 50% esp if the child is old enough to speak for himself. My exN tried to get to my son (who is now 20) this summer by offering him a job months after I walked away from him . My son had always admired him and loved being around him because he was such a 'guy's guy'. He had know him since he was 10. Because I had kept most of the truth about him somewhat hidden from my children, the exN often easily made me out to be the crazy one. I feared that my son would actually believe him because I sure looked the crazy one thru all of this. The last time I had gone out with the exN, and in fact the reason I never would again, was that I saw his new game. I believed he had definitely crossed over to gay men, and what I saw was him working a young waiter, not much older than my son. Enticing him with his athleticism, playing up his profession which most young guys are interested in. The waiter was not gay, just young and somewhat innocent in the world. I was sure I saw his new evil game. He was capable of anything low down. I saw it in his face. And I knew. This is what I was protecting my son from. I knew he wanted to hurt me in the worst way he could and the only way he could do this now was thru my son. My innocent son. I would have fought him to the death before I let this happen. Fortunately, in the end, after telling my son that the only reason he wanted him there was to hurt me and that he should always trust the Mamma bear, he refused the job. Thank God. I was so relieved and so happy to know that my son believed in me. The exN backed off on the texting to my son trying to entice him when I think he realized I would ruin him over it, no holes barred. He knew I would win and it was a game he couldn't afford to play. He could lose his business and his perfect livelihood. Sorry for getting so long, my point is that when I finally walked away for good, my exN wanted to hurt me so badly he would stop at nothing except the threat being completely exposed. I understand your fear for you child so well. The reason I would've won is that most of his clients knew me. I had much credibility and he had very little. This is how you must appear - extremely credible to fight for your child. From what I have read the courts are beginning to recognize his type- they are the ones that always clog up the system with endless tediousness. Look like the sane one, above all. I am truly sorry for your situation, but it does force one to get up and fight the fight. I think we don't fight so well when it is for ourselves but for our children, a momma bear is a force to be reckoned with. Show him that. almostlydia

almostlydia