struggling with no closure

It's been 3 weeks since my last and worst D&D from Freakboy...poster boy for N...we had been broken up (after 2 year relationship) for 2 months and I broke NC with a text...then we agreed to meet for lunch...I didn't expect to get back together, I had just wanted better closure (ha ha, that's funny to me now!)..then he told me how miserable he was, cried, said that he had made the biggest mistake of his life breaking up with me...blah blah...he asked me to try to work it out and I finally agreed...he really laid on the BS and said that we needed to keep talking and figure out how to make it work...then when I asked him to talk about it, all of a sudden I was pressuring him and he just wanted to be with someone who was more "chill"...then the ignoring ST games started and I called him on it...that I couldn't believe he was going to act like that after all he said...for me just wanting him to come through on his promises to want to work it out/talk it out...on the last day I saw him, he gave me that cold stare when I asked him if his ignoring me meant that he was done trying to work it out...after getting no answer, I walked out of his house and never heard from him again...I am 100% done with him, have been NC since and getting stronger, but like everyone else I have those bad days...I can't seem to get past the flip flop he pulled...of course it was all my fault...he won't hoover because he has too much "pride"...but I still keep wondering if I really meant that little to him...does he ever feel that he messed up and lost a great girl? Because I am and I treated him so well...it sucks that I am the one feeling the loss now and not him...the person it reallly should be...just had to get that out...the pain sucks but I'm trying to work through...good luck ladies!