Hello Kindred Spirits!
From my understanding, I titled it as my story and then I can continue to add posts to this subject as I go...someone let me know if I am wrong :-)
I am new here, but not new to the N in my life. I spent almost 11 years with him (I REALLY thought I could change him); the last two of it trying to get away.
I was successful with the NC for 42 days thanks to a lot of willpower, a helpful therapist, and a cadre of good friends...and AT&T's Smartlimits which let me block his numbers from my phone. He had sent me a mean text telling me to never f'n contact him again...so that is what I did.
Ahhhh sweet relief.
On Day 43 (I marked them off on a calendar EVERY morning, for the previous day), he called my work cell phone. I had no ability to block it and frankly did not recognize the number until I clicked on the answer button....
Yup, you guessed it, sucked right back in. The next two years were miserable for me, but I just could not bring myself to ending it with him...I must have really liked the taste of those crumbs he was throwing me.
Finally, at 6:32 PM on Saturday evening, I sent a message to him I had wanted to yell for at least the past two years...basically telling him he was the same old "SH" (my affectionate term for him with my friends s***head.) "You lied and then picked a fight with me to cover going on a trip with your EX. You are a liar. I am done with you."
I sent it 30 minutes before his plane was scheduled to take off; made sure it went through, and then immediately blocked his numbers.
I must admit that the thought of him reading that text, sitting next to her on a plane for several hours, with no recourse to me, THRILLED me.
I had been piecing this trip together for the past several weeks and was careful to not tip my hand. He began lying to me about his sister needing some help and he "may have to go help" blah blah blah. I knew it was a lie but I played right into it. It sickened me to do so. His level of detail was astonishingly strong, and when I didn't ask any questions he just kept giving more and more detail.
I told him i would be happy to drive him to the airport...the next day, eureka! His SIL was going to take him...
I offered to look for a good airfare on the internet...and what do you know...his brother was going to cover the flights...
Plus, he mowed my yard, fixed me dinner, and wanted to "spend as much time together as possible" before he left...I faked a stomach virus and pretended to puke just to keep him at bay. I was waiting....
Funny thing, the day before he left, he "got what you had" regarding my stomach virus... ROFL!
I only spoke with him by telephone once that morning as I was out of town (wink wink) and when he called that evening, I asked one question about the trip, how long his layover was going to be in the ficticious city that he said they had to fly through. He told me about an hour and a half, and I told him I would make sure i was "not in a meeting" at the time so he could call. He erupted!
Yelling at me for not supporting this trip, you all know the mantra.
Instead of engaging, I calmly replied "I really hope you have a good trip" and immediately hung up the phone.
He didn't bother to call me back because he had gotten exactly what he went fishing for...me mad at him and a clear mind to take his trip.
I let it be.
I knew better.
I sent the message, and he may not have given a rat's tail, but boy I sure felt good! He loves the drama of the confrontation, and there was NO WAY he could do anything sitting in that airplane next to her with NO PHONE for three + hours.
Don't get me wrong, I know my day of reckoning is coming with SH, but the relief I feel to actually let him know I know is good.
I have a lot of things to work through, and I know how agonizing the NC is, but to do it on my terms, without his drama....really does feel good.
Carrie Underwood's "WASTED" got me here. I love that song.
God bless to all of you working through it. I am right there with you step for step.
I am living for that 44th day :-)