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a strange similarity between Me and MR. EXNARC

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#1 Dec 14 - 4PM
onwithmylife
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a strange similarity between Me and MR. EXNARC

I was thinking today while reading an excellent book recommended by a member of this group, called How to Break your addiction to a person, that the Exn and myself had one crucial similarity, we BOTH have very smothering and doting mothers who did not let us make the break from them easily I felt like my mother always was constantly telling me how to dress, what to do,etc. I know Narc's father was not really there for him, busy with work,poor health and let his wife take over, my dad was busy working and traveling for business and my mother ruled at home, so we both have had attachments issues regarding our mothers which in and of itself created a symbiotic type relationships, does this sound familiar to anyone else? I even mentioned this in a letter I wrote to him over a year or so ago, but he never responded other than his usual hateful manner.

Dec 14 - 6PM
gettinbetter
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I read that this is a very

I read that this is a very good book. When you are done can you give me a synopsis? :) I would love to read some of these books but I cant as my husband would wonder why Im reading a book like that
Dec 14 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

sick of it

Will be happy to do so, just lack of proper attachment and de-tachment from the parents, mainly mother, but father as well is what i have read so far, hunger attachment he calls it, from our days of infancy and young toddlers, just got it from the library.He mentions one or more parents ,usually mother, holding onto the child too tightly, ie smothering, doting so he/she can not strike out on their own to learn mistakes, etc. is not good for the child.that is what happened to me and the Narc.
Dec 14 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
gettinbetter
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I would love that thank you.

I would love that thank you. I think in my case the N and I came from very similiar backgrounds our parents still married to eachother both attended the same university. We both had very protective parents. In my case I think my parents were too over protective and we were both a bit spoiled. Sometimes I feel that that was the connection and why we felt comfortable with eachother
Dec 14 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

sick of it

did you just read my mind, because i felt the same way about him, totally comfortable from day 1, like wearing your favorite pair of shoes or slippers..............
Dec 14 - 7PM (Reply to #5)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

yes

He even said within 5 minutes during the first conversation after 15 years no contact. He said "I was always comfortable with you" and I always felt like he was my comfy place until...well you know the story geez as I type this Im teary. When does it end? to come back 15 years later and do it again.
Dec 15 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

sick of it

It is so weird I cannot wrap my mind around the comfort level we had, even though we developed a friendship at first, it was not like I was looking for anyone, we were both married at the time even.the few therapists I saw off and on during the breakups all said it had to do a lot with losing my dad at the age of 14 years old and my mother never remarried, so had no male figure in my life for my important teen years. He did remind me of my father in a few ways and i do believe, because I did not grieve over my dad's death,it did come back to haunt me many years later in the form of the NARC.i am going to have to be more attuned when I first get involved with another guy, that is if i even get the chance, have not met anyone I feel comfortable with in nearly 2 years, sad..............As to when it ends, who knows?.For me it would help if I could meet a really nice man and have a good ,health relationship with.