The Stove Is Still Hot
The Stove Is Still Hot
Yes, the stove is hot.
It was July 17th. I read a text message that read "I love how your *&^@ tickles my tonsils." My life was forever altered.
Preceding that date, I never said a bad word about my wife. On a daily basis, I told her that she was beautiful. Three times or more a day, I told her that I loved her. I still love her.
Today, four months and a seemingly an infinite number of days later, I am convinced. I am convinced not because I read "The Path Forward" or read the posts on this site, but convinced because I also had to touch the stove.
My wife is a narcissist.
You will hear a number of warnings about avoiding narcissists. You will see how other people describe traits that are similar. You will question your own judgement and most importantly your own sanity. Here is my reply. You are a better person today and I am a better person today because we learned the extent of the burn.
If you are like me in that you married or committed to a relationship with a narcissist, you are most likely an empath. They choose us. Some will try to downgrade your approach to life with terms like co-dependency. You will only know your faults through extensive therapy. Don't listen to arm-chair quarterbacking.
Do what I did. Do everything you can to save your marriage. Do so until you can take no more. You will not be satisfied or have the capacity to let go completely until you do this. As an empath, you will not be able to sleep or carry on with "life as you know it". You must give yourself up to the point where your sanity begins to become compromised.
This is what we do, so accept the tremendous burden that comes from feeling more than others.
There is nothing wrong with you. You have a heightened sense of sympathy and empathy. These are not character defects but essential traits for survival of a species.
Most importantly, I don't say these things because I am enlightened; I say these things because I must come to know them and accept them.
I am not regretful. I did everything I could and anything less would have corrupted me spiritually and metastasized my perception of life.
I am suffering but I would have never come to now my poor choices in partners if the burn didn't hurt.
Touch the stove. No warnings on this site will be adequate in describing the heat. You must feel it and when you are bandaging the burn and distracted by the pain, do like me...come back to this site and remind others that the stove is hot but you aren't the first or last one to test it.