Stillstanding's Story

Finally Hit Rock Bottom

I've been lurking around this site since New Years Day. I am so grateful to have found this place. My story shares similarities to many stories told here. The typical narc asshole who puts himself first at all costs.

I met him 7 years ago. I was only 18. I was so innocent, naive, and sheltered. I was the perfect victim for him to prey on.

Let's just say since the very beginning he showed me his true colors. Like i said I was naive and thought I could fix him. I was different than the other girls he had been with. I would make a difference in his life. I would not only prove it to him but to myself as well.

Just to summarize some of the torture I was put through: When I met him he claimed not to have any children; to this day he has 4 children (one of them being a daughter we have together), he denied 2 of his children to his family (they didn't know anything until I told them about it a couple of months ago), I was the one who financially took care of us all throughout our relationship (every time I would loose my job he'd find a reason to move out and break up with me), After telling him I was going to keep my daughter (after finding out I was pregnant) he told me he wouldn't be a part of my life anymore, Two months after having my daughter he came begging me to take him back and that he had change later I found out through myspace his ex had a baby boy 20 days after my daughter was born, three years into our relationship I found out he had another son who was like 4 months older than his other daughter (not mine).

Other typical behavior included physical abuse, making me feel like I was the crazy psycho one for being suspicious of him, lying to my face even after I was showing him evidence that showed otherwise, crying about his bad childhood and making me feel sorry for him, claiming to kill himself every time I would tell him I was leaving him yet when I didn't leave him he'd go on with his happy life and multiple sluts.

I started realizing this guy had a problem after he abandoned my daughter and I on March 2010. He just left. At this point he would come and hang out with us telling me I was his soulmate that we were going to get married only for me to find him sexting multiple girls (more than 10), hanging out with girls rather than spending time with his daughter among other things. I tried to move on and I was broken. I think I cried every night that year. I would put my daughter to sleep and I would cry until 1-2 am.

He took advantage of the fact that he knew my self stem was had been shattered. I was alienated because I was a single mom and it was harder for me to have a life, I had to move back to my mother's house to finish college, and I had recently lost my job. H He played with me and I let him. He'd go months without contacting me but then he would send me emails asking me to take him back, he would cry, claiming he missed our family, he was ready to grow up, etc...Only for me to find out again that he was having sex with multiple women and going out partying.

His landlord at the time had kicked him out for failure to pay rent and because she was sick of having "prostitutes" in her house, and hearing loud moans coming from his bedroom. What did I do? I allowed him to stay rent free at my dad's house thinking that if maybe he saw how good I was to him he would change for good. WOW I can't believe I did that. Well you guessed it. He brought girls to my dad's house (my dad was traveling but my dad's other roommate told me), and he would spend weekends with other women (while ignoring my calls to hang out with me and our daughter)

He moved out with a girl (even though he told me he found a room on craigslist) and spend the holdays of 2010 with her. Those were the worst holiday of my life. I cried so much. I remember I bought my daughter a huge doll house and I was up until 5 am on xmas eve building it. I cried thinking that he should be with me building that house for her. After this I tried NC.

He came crying for forgiveness, I gave it to him, and I found out about another girlfriend that he was actually living with while working things out with me!! I tried NC two other times same thing happened.

Rock Bottom:
Early December after one month of NC he came to my house crying and I though maybe just maybe (He played on my loneliness, alienation, etc). He claimed that he was sorry, he knew he was a horrible person, his childhood was horrible, I'm his soulmate, we should get married, he was lonely without me, he thinks about me all the time, insert more lies here)

And again on 12/30 the idiot messed up and I found out he had a secret email, secret Facebook account, secret cell phone, plenty of fish profile, been going out with several women, after that I didn't want to know anymore I had enough.

He kept lying to my face for about an hour after I shoved the evidence in his face. He actually seemed to enjoy that I was hurting and crying (he was smiling). What really got to me is that he hasn't given me child support in two years for our daughter claiming that he was broke yet he had money for his drinking, clubbing, and new $400 doll cell phone but not to even buy your daughter a christmas present.

He had also told me that I wasn't not allowed to come in to his new house because his roommate is paranoid of break ins. He said there was a break in about 2 weeks ago and they stole his money (that was his reason for not buying us christmas presents.) I realize these were all lies. I finally feel like I hit rock bottom. No matter what I do for him he will never change.

He's an extremely mentally ill person and nothing could ever change him. He pretends to be this single ,childless guy, who's educated (he's a high school dropout), who's a model (LOL), and that makes lot's of money. When in reality he's the opposite. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. It's sad really.

According to him I was the reason why he cheated on him.. It's all my fault because my expectations are too high. It's my fault because I don't trust him so he might as well do it. He said there is nothing wrong with going out with different women and staying with them. I'm a drama queen for even starting fights over the revelations I found. When i told him I was going to expose him he blackmailed me with some information asking for sex in return.

On new years eve after finding out about his secret cell phone number I called him crying asking for an explanation. I was desperate for closure. He told me it's my fault because I always blow up his cell phone. I'm a crazy drama psycho. So I told him "Josh I really loved you, you're never going to change, leave me alone, don't' contact me, I'm blocking you, and if you ever come to my house I'm calling the cops"

I hung up and changed everything, my #, blocked him from my email, deleted my Facebook.

I feel ready to move on. He recycles people. When they start seeing his true colors he finds a new batch of gf's, friends, jobs, etc.

What makes it hard for me is that my mind wanders to the past and replays a moment where he told me something that was probably a lie. I don't want to keep reliving any of this. I understand that I do have to feel the sadness, anger, and fear in order to get better.
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I told my daughter this year was our year. I'm going to try new things. Try to meet new people (mainly try to build friendships), rebuild my self esteem, and move on.

I'm turning 26 in February and I refuse to break NC I will not allow this ill person to ruin my happiness on my birthday. I have many things to look forward to 2012 I will graduate with my nursing degree and start my new career. I will be able to move out again on my own and rebuild my life. He has nothing except to keep his lies and keep recycling victims.

Thank your for anyone that read this and the ones that didn't lol. I know it's super long and It feels great to have let it out. I look forward to posting more and contributing to the forums!!