Still Struggling

Thought I had posted this yesterday but my mind is obviously a bit frazzled.
Struggling big time with initiating no contact. But now I know I need to do this for my own sanity. As weeks go by I'm seeing enough to know there are definitley narcissistic traits in my husband. It makes me sad.
I was definitely d and d over the week end in a big way. The only good thing was that I am starting to see it for what it was. It was huge for me because he was blaming me and justifying why he left me and children for OW. He was telling me I was not affectionate enough in our marriage or intimate enough and he went on to tell me how great OW is and how passionate and frequent and exciting their lovemaking is. I start to believe him and just want to prove to him that I can do better (Who's the sick one here?)
He apologised the next day and I just let him to avoid any more arguments.
Came to realisation that no contact is only way to go but hard with children.
Last night he invited himself to dinner, obviously OW is busy. I know I should have said No but said Yes. I did however get up the courage to tell him in a calm way how hard it is for me to see him when I know he is still with OW even though he is telling me he has strong feelings for me and can't move on with OW. He said he understood but that defiance, how dare you say this to me type attitude reared its head. It scares me.
Ended up seeing him by default this morning. He picked up children to take away with OW for the first time. Heartbreaking!! I cried and I let him hold me. He looked like he was feeling my pain. Is this really all a farce?
Was he secretly happy that he is breaking my heart again and again and again. And I let him because I hold onto hope that it will be alright soon. I know .....its not going to happen.
Thamks for letting me rant any comments are greatly welcomed and appreciated.