Still haven't had and contact with the narc but I broke NC none the less..

Ever since I found out about the OW I completely obsessed over her FB page. I looked at every picture on her page, read every status update she ever made since she started her fb in 2008, figured out exactly when they started dating, looked at every one of her friends until I had completely exhausted every little detail of her life that was on there. Then I blocked her. I was never angry with her at all, I felt very sorry for her because she's onbviously a very nice person. Warm, caring, empathetic, giving, has a great relationship with all of her friends and family. Just an all around great person, not very atrractive, but still a great person in general. I could tell that the N has started to wear her down because her status updates went from happy and cheery slowly to frustrated and very negative in her thinking. Anyway I blocked them both on May 1st. For the last 3 or 4 days I've felt absolutely nothing for the narc. Not happy, sad, angry or anything at all for that matter. Numb I suppose.

Today for whatever reason, still not caring about the narc at all but concerned that he had taken this healthy, well rounded individual and began to slowly break her spirits. I knew that she hasn't even seen the worst of him yet and is still in the throws of their relationship and will not even see it coming when it happens. She has no idea what she's dealing with and appears to be totally confused about what is happening in their relationship. It is excrutiating for me to know exactly what he is and what is going to happen to her and sit back and let it happen. Kind of like those people that film nature documentaries and are not allowed to interfere even when they know that the baby giraffe is getting reading to be eaten by the lion, but they can't do anything about it except observe.

Anyway I completely went against everything I've read on here and took it upon myself to send her a message letting her know exactly who I was and that we have been in a relationship for the past 5 yrs, while they have been together for three. I told her I know exactly how she is feeling right now and that I just completely cut off all contact with him almost two weeks ago. I told her I know how it feels to not know where u stand in ur relationship, to be on top of the world one minute and told how much he loves you and can't live without you, then the next minute be completely ignored and not know what you did to deserve it or what the hell just happened. To be made to doubt yourself and feel guilty and to be made to feel like something is wrong with you. I told her that I'm sure she is not ready to leave him, and when she is he will tell her whatever she wants to hear to suck her back in and make her stay, but that eventually she will get tired, as I have, and leave him for good.

She sent me a message ten minutes later that I have yet to open and read. After I sent her the message I immediately regretted doing so, and now I cannot bring myself to read the message she sent me back. It has been about three hours ago now that she sent this message. I blocked her again but still have not brought myself to either read nor delete this message she sent me back. Now I am feeling really bad about doing this whole thing.

CONTACT = PAIN. PERIOD.