Still in denial, slow healer or permanently damaged?

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#1 Aug 29 - 3AM
bgirl
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Still in denial, slow healer or permanently damaged?

So it's been more than two years since I've had any contact with Mr P/N Coach boy.
I have read, read, researched and read some more. I have connected with the support group here, had one on one sessions, had 18 months of therapy and he is STILL the first thing I think about every morning when I wake up and quite frequently throughout the day.
This man DELIBERATELY tried to destroy me yet I still feel love for him?
He lied, coerced, blackmailed and threatened me and I STILL have him in my heart?
I am functioning again. My PTSD symptoms have settled down and are manageable but I am still quite melancholy and deeply hurt.
I wonder if I'm still in a form of denial or if I'm permanently damaged from this encounter?
Anecdotes, advice or own experiences with similar feelings would be appreciated xx Thank u xx

X
B

Sep 1 - 9AM
Winter
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Dear Bgirl

Aug 30 - 11AM
Belle de jour
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Hi bgirl, I'm sorry you feel

Aug 29 - 3PM
bgirl
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I have just woken up to all

Aug 29 - 9AM
Goldie
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Permanently Damaged?

Aug 29 - 9AM
Deidre99
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This has been an interesting

Aug 29 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
Goldie
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This is a part of it Deidre, acceptance

Aug 29 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
Deidre99
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Yes, this is so true, goldie.

Aug 29 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
Goldie
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Thank you DEE

Sep 1 - 9AM
onwithmylife
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bgirl

Aug 29 - 6AM
Janie53
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Bgirl