Star Of The Sea's Story
Star Of The Sea's Story
I fell in love with him at first glance. He was beautiful, shy, young and clever. A mixed race boy from a poor background who had studied to become a lawyer. I was at a party with friends and I never thought he would be interested in me, although I am thought of as attractive. He was just everything I ever wanted. He grew up in a very sheltered and conservative religious community in the MidWest which he has broken away from, which was why he hadn't dated like normal young guys. We swapped numbers casually and sure enough he started texting me and we arranged to meet in a group with friends. It was clear he liked me a lot too, and we got together about a month after meeting. He was a lot younger than me, and very nervous and inexperienced,which just made me love him more. I felt - feel - so protective towards him. I am very maternal. Making love was lovely. I loved his smell, his soft skin, everything. I'm an experienced woman in my 30s. I've had other lovers who were objectively more handsome, better fun perhaps, but no one had every made me feel so in love. I used to hold him after, and watch him while he slept.
Quickly he talked about getting married. I was more cautious, especially as he was so young, and I thought he couldn't know his feelings. I said let's talk about it in a month or so. He was hurt, but we carried on more or less blissfully. A few warning signs - the odd sulk started to happen after a month or so if he felt I wasn't paying him enough attention, but I put it down to his being a very sensitive person.
Two months in. He went out with friends one night, and met a beautiful woman of his age. He mentioned casually he had met some new people, including her. He invited her out with us one night, in a group with friends. We'd argued that day, and I felt he was insecure that I hadn't moved the relationship on yet. I was shocked what happened that night. He was hanging on her every word, and got possessively angry when his single friend tried to hit on her. We fell out badly that night. He admitted he was attracted to her, but loved me too, and needed time to think. I panicked, and resolved to be a better gf, and was basically at his beck and call after that. He continued to text this girl in a semi-flirty way, insisting it was just friendly, and took her out for coffee on her own even though I was really upset. I think she, not he, finally realised the problems the friendship was causing, and backed off
A few months later, we got married. I had doubts, now having seen another side to him - very easily hurt and prone to anger when he perceived my friends had slighted him. Like a dog with a bone, insisting I break all contact with friends he disliked, and being very critical and abusive at times. I have a successful career, and he would be resentful at times - sometimes glorying in my success, but often accusing me of self-importance. But I loved him, and was proud to be with him, thought if we were married he would be more secure and less difficult. And I am desperate for kids, which he wanted too.
He got a bit physical a couple of times after the marriage - nothing major, just the odd shove or slap (not on the face). Four times in all. I told him it was unaccceptable. He didn't apologise wholeheartedly, but it stopped. Again, I put it down to youth, and being in a real relationship for the first time. It was more the verbal abuse that got me down, and the black moods. But often it was lovely, and in public I noticed he was especially affectionate. I loved looking after him. But he was starting to cause me problems - I tend to not get into conflicts with people, whereas he would take offence easily or dislikes to certain friends of mine who he thought were ignoring him, and gave me a hard time about it. But I carried on turning a blind eye to all this. I have a dog, and he got angry because he said I cared about the dog more than him.
He was always on his PC and I got suspicious - the trust had been shaken early. I know it is wrong, but I looked and found that he had been emailing lots of women (strangers mainly) in a very sexual way. I don't want to go into detail but it shook me to the core. So I checked his phone - he had been texting a woman we met at a party, just in a semi-flirty way. At the same time being so jealous of my interactions with any men, not understanding that I truly only had eyes for him. When I confronted him, he was naturally defensive, saying that because nothing physical had happened in real life then it didn't count. Finally he admitted it was wrong. Lots of other stuff that I won't mention. Whether big issues or little issues, he would go in all guns blazing, and give me a hard time for months. My father died, but he wasn't really there for me, and even said some disrespectful things. My family got angry at his treatment of me. My mother saw an abusive message that he had sent me that I accidentally left open on the PC, and was shocked that this nice, shy guy could write something so awful.
Finally I had enough, and left, after 2 years of marriage, 4 months ago. We live in different towns now but still in touch. We got together once, but I knew it was wrong. I know that we live by different moral codes, and that by staying with him I will just have to submit to his will to keep things sweet, alienate family and friends that he doesn't like, and basically bury my own personality and values. We're in a limbo now. He's already out there, meeting new girls all the time, though he says it's just friendly. I wish I could get him out of my head. He keeps asking me to come back. I think if he was heartbroken he would be trying harder to get me back, rather than bragging about all his new female friends. He says it's all my fault for leaving. It kills me to think of him being charming and sweet to some new woman and being with someone else. Then I feel selfish because I am the one who left him, and I can't have my cake and eat it. Do you think he is an N?