Spinning After A Dream

I was doing so well lately, finally getting through days with nary a thought about him. Feeling sad only rarely. Then I had the most detailed dream. A dream that showed me just how much I'd been repressing my thoughts and feelings.

In my dream I was on a trip somewhere, and had agreed to meet him. The surroundings had a Vegas flair to them, so I'm guessing that's where it was. So I waited in the lobby of his hotel for him to come down, and there were beautiful women everywhere wearing sparkly outfits and feathers. A veritable Narc playground.

I waited for almost an hour, and of course, he never shows up. Heart broken once again I decide to go get something to eat at a nearby restaurant.

While eating, who should walk in but N with his friends. He sits down getting ready to order and doesn't notice me. So, I quickly walk over to a table where another family is seated and grab one of the biggest drinks I can find off their table, walk up to N, and throw it right in his face. His friends are laughing hysterically at him, everyone's staring. Then I pick up a bowl of stringy food from yet another table and dump THAT on his head, too.

I don't feel triumphant through all of this. I also look down and I'm wearing my pajamas, I look in the mirror and look very tired, no makeup; feeling very ugly in front of him. I rush out of there and as I'm picking up my things to leave, there are more and more things I need to gather before I can get out. The more I gather, the more belongings appear. I don't look back towards N at all. I finally decide to just leave the rest of my things behind and bail. I feel incredibly upset and start crying in my car, trying to call a friend.

I woke up soon afterwards and cried some more. After which I felt like I had fallen backwards again.