Speaking Your Mind During A Hover and Then No Contact, Bad Idea?

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#1 Apr 17 - 4PM
gettinmymindback
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Speaking Your Mind During A Hover and Then No Contact, Bad Idea?

I've read and read on this forum and it has helped me so much. I was one of the lucky ones that realized what the N was after only 5 months. The pain I feel though is the worst pain I have experienced in my entire life. It has been almost 8 weeks since the D&D but no contact for 2 weeks today. He has not tried to contact me, it was me trying to contact him.

I know what he is. My mind accepts it and my heart is starting to accept it too but it waffles back and forth. I've found myself obsessing over what I would do if he tried to contact me. I know that I need to remain no contact because contact=pain, but a part of me wants to tell him in a nice way (if he tried to contact me) that I want nothing to do with him because I deserve better than the way he treated me and I know what he is and I feel so sorry for him but it can't be changed. I guess I feel that it would make me feel better for him to know that he may have had me fooled for a while but that in the end I figured him out.

He treated me terribly and I forgave him. There is so much to the story but the BIG thing he did was cheat on me and sent me the video of the girl doing things to him. Apparently he sent it on accident while heavily intoxicated. Four hours earlier he was telling me that he loved me and for me to give my kids a kiss for him. I am so mad at myself for allowing him to treat me the way he did and to forgive him so easily. And then 2 months later he gets mad and just forgets me like I'm a piece of trash. I am so much more than that and it hurts me so badly to think that I could mean so little to someone that I treated so, so good. Not to mention I am so mad at myself for forgiving him in the first place.

I'm seeking help right now to heal my broken parts but I'm so embarrassed to even mention that I'm still stuck thinking about the "N" that I have not mentioned to my therapist that I am still so hurt and think about him constantly.

I guess my question is have any of you felt compelled to at least tell your N what you think about the situation when they hover and then go no contact? I know I will never get the closure that I want but I just don't know that I will ever be able to get over this without telling him how I feel before going no contact. Bad idea, right?

Apr 19 - 9AM
gettinmymindback
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Thank you

Apr 19 - 1PM (Reply to #16)
Deidre99
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Just one word of

Apr 19 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
what.a.mess
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You have the strength..

Apr 19 - 9AM (Reply to #15)
gettinmymindback
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What A Mess

Apr 18 - 1PM
gettinmymindback
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I should've listened

Apr 19 - 7AM (Reply to #12)
hopingforstrength
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its okay...

Apr 18 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
Deidre99
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He will never change. You

Apr 18 - 7AM
hopingforstrength
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NO!

Apr 18 - 5AM
lettinggoNP44
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I went through this...

Apr 18 - 4AM
Hunter
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Been there done that.. It

Apr 17 - 6PM
gettinmymindback
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Thank You

Apr 17 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
Deidre99
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That's the spirit! One word

Apr 17 - 5PM
Deidre99
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I did break nc to tell my ex

Apr 17 - 5PM
gemofagirl
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Honestly, the words will have

Apr 17 - 5PM
comingundone
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Not a good plan

Apr 17 - 5PM
PattiLCS
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Oh Girl...JUST sent my Ex N