1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. All About Him Forum
  5. Sometimes I wish I was in denial again..

Sometimes I wish I was in denial again..

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Oct 1 - 5PM
Gravity
Gravity's picture

Sometimes I wish I was in denial again..

Yesterday I saw the ex-p sitting in the parking lot in the middle of the day. He stayed there for over an hour. It was a nice day and there are VARIOUS places to do work on campus as well as maaany coffee shops in the immediate vicinity ect. Bizarre for him to be lingering in the parking lot he knows I walk to. I was really upset and I told a very trusted professor about the ex-P. He is a social work professor so he is a licensed social worker and a therapist. He has done a lot of prison work and has a lot of published work on criminals. When I told him the story.. leaving out the grotesque details of course.. he was 100% positive that he is a sociopath and a "very accomplished one" at that. He exemplified the fact that he had gotten into my mind and probably knows more about me via cyber stalking/watching me than I even know. I told him about him being in the car behind me on the first day of classes and he said he was CONVINCED it was not a coincidence and that he may very well have been following me ect.

Despite the fact that I've blocked him he still believes I may be in danger. I told him that I'm sure he has moved on to a new victim and he said even if he has, I am the one that is in his sight daily and he has his focus on me.

I'm feeling SO SO SO SO horrible. At times I wish I was still in denial.. it was safer.. it was so much easier to sleep at night. Now I wake up in the middle of the night having night mares about serial killers. It was so much easier when I thought he was just a "little weird" or "an asshole." But full blown sociopath who set his sights on ME!? WTF! What did I do to deserve this? I can't believe this happened. My life motto has always been "everything happens for a reason" but I find ZERO reason for this pain and torture to have been inflicted upon me.

I find it difficult to get out of bed. I don't even want to smile at strangers for fear that I may be inviting a psychopath. I don't want to go out. I don't want to eat. I just want to cry all day long. How can I be falling apart at the seams while he just goes on with his merry day with no hitch? I used to want to be a social worker because I believed in the innate goodness of people but I really DON'T anymore. I wish I never met him, this has been the single handed worst thing to happen to me.

I feel like I'm never going to recover from this. I feel like he stole my innocence.

Oct 1 - 10PM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Gravity

I hope this will help you. I have a friend whose ex still stalks her TO THIS DAY. EVERYDAY. And many of them do. But guess what? She isn't his ONLY focus either. He stalks LOTS of other women too from his past liaisons. He does it to frighten ALL of them. Some are worse than others. He's not solely focused on YOU believe me. If he's a stalker, he's focused on a few. Some psychopaths have trouble letting go of MANY dominance bonds, remember, it's not about YOU, it's about HIM and for HIm it's about POWER. So don't let him have it. At all. If it continues, simply get an RO.
Oct 1 - 8PM
Journey
Journey's picture

You are WAY safer knowing the

You are WAY safer knowing the truth than remaining ignorant to it and having him PROVE it to you by your willingness to stay in denial. You will recover from this and innocence stolen is not a nice way to become wiser, but wiser you are. Right now you are on the extreme side of 'knowing', to the point where you fear psychopaths are everywhere but that will balance in time to a more moderate perspective. Thing is, if someone you know or meet is or isn't, the more you understand how to recognize them, the more you will be drawn to healthier people in your life instead. Very few psychopaths become serial killers... but one doesn't have to be as severely pathological as a serial killer to be disordered and hurtful to us. Like Hunter says, if he does anything to cross your physical boundaries of safety get a RO! ((hugs))

Journey on...

Oct 1 - 6PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Nice social worker! Is he

Nice social worker! Is he really helping by scaring the shit out of you??? Look if Assclown comes near you ,you file a RO!! Got it! I know in IL they have to make the first move before you can do so!! Be on alert, once he finds new supply he'll disappear!! Live your life, keep doing what youre doing!! My Narc did the same shit when I was your age!! You have the upper hand here, you know what he is and not to fall for any attempts to get back together!! You're in it, now you have to deal with it!! There are lots of suckie things that come up in life, we must cope and keep moving forward! Hunter
Oct 1 - 5PM
Dema
Dema's picture

Protective order

You could get a protective order if he has actually done things that qualify as stalking. In my state you can make your case without a lawyer. He would then have to stay away from your home and work and parking lot. If he didn't, he could be put in jail. I don't know if you have a church, but it really helped me to tell people what was going on so that they could support me. And they do. If you do believe in God and the devil or the idea of karma - well, you don't want to be hiding. It isn't the best thing. On the other hand, do cut yourself a lot of slack. Do let yourself grieve and so forth. Hugs and best wishes.
Oct 1 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Swan
Swan's picture

Dema

What does this mean? "If you do believe in God and the devil or the idea of karma - well, you don't want to be hiding. It isn't the best thing. On the other hand, do cut yourself a lot of slack. Do let yourself grieve and so forth."
Oct 1 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
Dema
Dema's picture

Religion

SOmetimes I hedge because I don't want to offend. Hiding isn't the best thing in general. But if you believe in the battle between good and evil, hiding is letting the evil win one. So, it isn't best for you and it also isn't best for the battle of good and evil. Fear is an enormous weapon, but one we can fight against and win. So, there is a loftier goal than self preservation, a loftier goal than doing what's best for yourself - there is the goal of being a warrior in the battle of good and evil - fighting on the side of good. And part of being that warrior is to not give in to fear.