somedays I forget he existed then catch myself...anyonelse?

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#1 Jan 15 - 12AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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somedays I forget he existed then catch myself...anyonelse?

today was one of those days. I was sitting down and my mind went blank and I sort of realized I hadnt thought about XN... and then it felt kinda odd to think of him at all...sort of like a feeling as if the relationship never existed.

I dont know if I should be afraid of this feeling or if this means I am healing from it as time passes.

I feel more betrayll now then anything. I only miss him if my health gets worse... it used to be I missed him all the time.

I feel like maybe my brain is seeing what he really is a monster and someone I should be glad to be away from...

I just feel kinda odd.

Jan 17 - 8AM
JuneBug
JuneBug's picture

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Jan 15 - 6PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

You have the right answer

You have the right answer the brains memory of the pain/pleasure roller coaster you were on has started to fade and with it the emotions the memories would create. This man did pleasure and then pain. Your brain re-acted to both in different ways making a confusing internal conflict. The conflict is going. You will think of him less and less the betrayal is a fact that can never change you have to let it go. Change the thoughts with something like this you can write you own to suit you: I am now feed from all resentment or attchment toward or from emotional pain, people, places, or things of the past or present. I manifest my true people,I am receiving all the unlimited health that the universe has for me now and I am blessed with the true prosperity and riches that the universe is sending to me now. Say this in the morning and at night before you go to sleep and wait about 22 days. YOu will see some changes. During the day if you want a little injection of positive try one of these affirmations: I feel peace and tranquiltiy I feeel balance and harmony I can persevere and prevail I let go of this frustration for my own well being. I deeply and profoundly forgive muysself and others and I accept a new beginnning I hold serenity with me and I look ahead to a wonderful future Meditations and affirmations heal a lot of emotional wounds.
Jan 15 - 2PM
itreallyisabouthim
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The relationship really

The relationship really never did exist, that is how I think of it now. It's not "as if" it never did. The person I thought was there was not, and so the relationship has been sort of annulled in my mind. I think it's a sign of sanity, myself. I have contact with my N due to having a child together but I still feel this way because I was "done" for so long before I actually physically moved on, perhaps.
Jan 15 - 3AM
nolongerafixer
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What NC and DISTANCE brings you

I know exactly the feeling. It`s where I am at the moment. Must be the next stage of the process and which can only be got from NC AND DISTANCE. I have also retrieved my SELF WORTH, HIGH EXPECTATIONS AND STRONG VALUES and realising how lucky I am not to have lost ALL I worked hard to become and achieve in life over someone so damaged. Another thing which helped - just before xmas, I did what Barbara suggested - NC with ANYONE associated with where he goes or who hes with. This has also moved things on faster for me. My last day of being really down about missing Dr. Jekyle and the paradise side of things we did was New Years Eve in the daytime! Thats pretty good eh!!!! :o) Since then Ive had the same feelings as you have. I go along with my life and have sparodic moments of realising that I hadnt thought of him for a while! I feel shocked he hasnt actually been in the back of my mind constantly. ( I wrote a posting prior to xmas to say I still couldnt get rid of the constant `him` in the back of my mind wherever I went.) Alongside this I also get flashbacks of the absurd mentally unstable side of the relationship. Things he did which I couldnt fathom out at the time but now with all ive learned from this site I can so see why he did such things. Ive `got it`.. He was a `nutter` - simple!. Im sure during your life you`ve heard people warn you of the `nutter` in the village or town and you would certainly give them a wide berth wouldnt you? Well mine was the `nutter` of the village but he just has a knack of covering it up very well until you get to know him.
Jan 15 - 3AM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Hi Destiny

Strange enough i had the same 2 days ago and when i woke up the next day i felt funny and wondered is this the beginning of healing?I am feeling like a robot my mind is empty but sometimes the feelings about the betrayal comes back stronger than ever! but on the other side something tells me that he will or is already isolating himself again after the euphoria of being free so he can mess around with women ,he will get bored very fast again he is getting older grumpier(if that was possible) and impatient .He will never be happy i know so....

Aceonelady

Jan 15 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
4joys4
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When I didnt contact for

When I didnt contact for like 6 months I felt so much better and had this same feeling. When I broke my no contact, I started from day one. Literally day one. I'm back on the wagon. Please say a prayer for me to stay strong.
Jan 15 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
quietude (not verified)
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4joys

Saying prayers for you trying to resist contact...I know it's hard!!! Destiny, I still think about my N most days, but it's usually a quick thought rather than dwelling on the thought. He no longer has the influence he used to, and there is nothing he can ever do or say to get me back. For me, this is enough of a victory. I know I'm still going to think about him because he was a big part of my life for several years...just like some past relationships.
Jan 17 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
helpmefromn (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

part of the process

I am guessing this is part of the process: the emotions are gone, but the thoughts linger.. I have noticed that I don't feel any extreme anger or hurt anymore but my thought still thinks of his name and I did break contact and saw that he is doing well professionally and that set me back, BUT not for long. Just for that moment and now I am back. It gets easier over time, and I feel once I meet someone else then I won't think of him at all. I like that the heaviness of the emotions are not there -- I was so depressed and that is gone, but the thoughts linger -- like I need to be just a little bit more deprogrammed.