some words of support or advice?

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#1 Jun 25 - 12PM
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

some words of support or advice?

Hi Everyone,

Haven't been posting too much lately as I've been overwhelmed. My STBXN has set up a meeting between lawyers and my bro-in-law (who is also an attorney) to basically try to convince me that I and my attorneys are being unreasonable in our expectations of a divorce settlement. Manipulation??? Anyway....I go in about one hour for the "conference". Get this: STBX calls me this morning and says "I am sincerely sorry for some of the things I've done". Like what? I say.... "like not giving you enough time to deal with YOUR problems before we separated. I can't help the way I feel, Jane."

I made the mistake, maybe not, of saying that I didn't think it was ALL my problem and he said "You've lectured me for years and I won't hear anymore of it." Hung up. (In my mind all I have ever done is try to get my feelings heard and respected. NOT lecturing, not bitchy, but when he says things like this it gets me doubting myself all over again.)

Forgot to add, most importantly, that initally he said (because we have another settlement conference today) that he "hoped I would be open-minded about his offer because he really can't continue to work this hard". I said I didn't think that was really my problem which is then when he said "You know I can't keep working this hard so you need to settle or it will just cost us both more in court. Your attorneys are misleading you to expect more than is reasonable and this will hopefully save us both more money."

We are supposed to be in court next Tues. and Wed.! Talk about last minute maneuvering. And trying to get my own Bro-in-law in on it so that HE can convice me I'm being unreasonable. "They can't make me work, Jane". Yeah. Ok. Try to fuck me again.
"I'm sincerely sorry that I didn't give you more time to work on your problems."

Oh ladies, I didn't sleep last night and now court coming up and todays" conference. I'm a wreck. So so worried about my future because I truly don't feel able to work due to physical illness and chronic disease.....unfortunately not well documented enough right now to get much from the claim, but it is true. Send good karma please. I'll keep you posted. Thanks so much. CM

Jun 26 - 1AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Cassiemay

Wow, he didn't show. So typical, huh? I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. It must be very overwhelming and scary. Please know we are here for you, always! Big Hugs, Lisa
Jun 25 - 8PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cassiemay

Ha! No showed?? Typical! ALL SIZZLE, NO STEAK as we say in my neck of the woods!
Jun 25 - 6PM
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

today and thanks

thanks all of you for your speedy comments. They mean more than I can tell you. Went to the settlement conference (3rd time) and my 2 attorneys and I sat there for 2 hours with no one showing up. Except the settlement master, who poked his head in and said "I didn't know you were coming!" It was up to my STBX attorney to arrange this and we all thought it had been done. Obviously NOT. After 2 hours of waiting my attorneys and I left. Thanks again so much for all of your support: it really helps at times like these. CM
Jun 25 - 2PM
neveragain
neveragain's picture

Keep Believing In YOUR TRUTH

Cassiemay: You know the truth and nothing he says or does will change it. It's reality and we all know, the N's don't ever live in reality. He's posturing and acting the bully (God, they do it so well!) and hoping you'll be intimidated enough to change your stance. DON'T DO IT. Realize that he's bluffing BIG TIME and his words have absolutely no merit whatsoever. Have faith in yourself and your attorney. It's completely normal to feel afraid and start doubting but DON'T. You're going to be fine. Keep acting brave and you'll feel brave. Keep acting strong and you'll be strong. We're all pulling for you and are behind you 100%! neveragain
Jun 25 - 1PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cassiemay

I'm so sorry it's such a stressful time for you. I would advise NOT talking to him, let the lawyers handle it. I agree, report the intimidation tactics to your lawyer. He's spewing TOXIC waste in your direction...it has NO merit. We know you're not any of those disgusting labels he's trying to tag you with. They make shit up as they go, all for their own self-serving purposes. It has nothing to do with reality. He is a complete moron, and it WILL show through in court. He's got 'nothing'...so he's trying to conjure 'something'. He's trying to fill your head with hopelessness...as he's done before...to control and get his way. SCREW HIM cassiemay! Search the forums for Divorcing a Narcissist. They lay it on heavy and are especially repulsive in times like these. He's scared. He knows he's done for. Hang in there!
Jun 25 - 1PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cassiemay

this is pure MANIPULATION a judge will NOT be happy he did this ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 25 - 12PM
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Dearest Cassiemay it is

Dearest Cassiemay it is normal you feel anxious. Count on the truth of what you lived. Trust justice, in any form. Do not underestimate the intelligence of attorneys and lawyers. Stay strong and hang in there. I am praying for you. ((HUGS)) Remember: Safe People are people who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self. (Emotional Abusers- Heartless Bitches International)
Jun 25 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Cassiemay

Jeez. I understand second guessing yourself. Don't! Don't! Don't! Trust your lawyers. They have seen this kind of case millions of times. This is what they do. This is their profession. Your STBXN can not, does not know more than the lawyers. Let the lawyers and the judges make the decisions. Not you. NOT HIM! NOT BIL! Believe in yourself. Stand your ground. He is trying to intimidate and manipulate you. Just keep cool. Don't respond. Don't talk to him. Let your lawyer do the talking. Thinking of you.
Jun 25 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cassiemay - narcs do this on purpose!

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/01/narcissists-purposely-make-divorce-breakups-very-ugly