So, Your Worm Crawled Back? One Word: STOMP

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#1 Jul 19 - 11PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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So, Your Worm Crawled Back? One Word: STOMP

(James graciously posted the first part of this one... so I am posting the rest for everyone.)

It's 4 am and the phone rings. It's your former abuser, we'll call him The Worm. Worm says he loves you, misses you, needs you back and will do anything. What do you do?

A. Ask him to come over and talk.
B. Tell him to call tomorrow to talk.
C. Laugh and hang up the phone.
D. Insult him, then hang up the phone.
E. Hang up the phone.
F. Anything between C and E.

Unless you're in the mood to be abused again, the answer is F. Maybe you do still love The Worm because The Worm was really good to you sometimes and you have some terrific memories. But don't fool yourself.

But Why is The Worm Crawling Back? He Must Love Me, Right?

No, the answer is never because he loves you. Anyway, love to abusers is about control, not love at all. The Worm is single and misses having someone to trample on or he just misses having you specifically to trample on. Whatever the reason, surely you aren't particularly thrilled that when he thinks of someone to trample on you come to mind. If you take The Worm back he's going to be charming and wonderful at first and then start the abuse at an all new level of horrible when you get back together. Hook, line and sinker.

But don't feel bad if you took him back in the past. It doesn't make you weak or stupid. Most women take abusers back more than once. But see, you're determined to get away because you're reading this site, and that's a good sign. If you make yourself aware of exactly what's going on you aren't going to fall for his tricks. The reason he wants you back does not matter. I don't care if he has changed. (which is doubtful anyway) Because you only get so much time living and what should you do with that time? Find people who love you and treat you with respect and if someone has already stomped mudholes all over your heart and soul that person has already taken way too much of your time up as it is.

Everyone deserves love, even the stinky Worm, but you don't have to sacrifice your sanity and happiness to give The Worm something he deserves just because he's human. (or his birth certificate says he's human anyway) You've got to look after yourself and if you don't want to be mean to The Worm simply tell him, "I'm sorry, but you're just not good for me and I cannot see you" and hang up the phone. Do not give him a chance to talk you out of your decision to stay away from him. Turn the ringer off. Better yet, change your number.

Make the decision and stick with it.

I Know, You're Thinking... This is All Easy for You to Say Webmistress Lady...

And you're right. It is easy for me to say. After all, it is difficult to tell someone you still love "no" when you're alone and possibly lonely and I'm not in love with your ex, but maybe you are. (or you think you're in love with him. When you get healthier you'll possibly discover you never were.) Maybe you haven't been having good luck in life and you'd like a friend, but there is an answer other than taking back The Worm for momentary comfort. There are other resources available to you if you're lonely. There are ways to get through this.

Things to Do Other than Talk to or Think About The Worm

1- make new friends
This is something you can do on internet support groups such as All About Him, at church, class or maybe just look up old friends you lost touch with when The Worm was around eating up all your time.

2- get new hobbies
You probably had some before The Worm came along and made you forget who you even are. Start writing stories, poetry or keeping a journal. Learn to play an instrument or start working out. Cook. Visit sick people. Volunteer in your neighborhood, but get busy. Do something!

3- learn how to recover
It's a great time to learn new things when you've got time on your hands. You can always buy books on how to recover from relationships. Or just go to the library and pick a topic you know nothing about. But reading up on recovery is a great idea for someone fresh out of Hell.

4- treat yourself
Have you had a makeover lately? Get your hair cut. Buy some clothes. Or take a long bath. Do things that make you feel good when you're feeling lonely, and you'll feel better. Just take time to connect with yourself again. Take a walk. Watch birds in the morning. Go to the park. Just do something!

5- Remember, there are parts of you he made you forget. Use this time to find those parts and before you know it, you'll forget him and find you!

Feb 20 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

So, Your Worm Crawled Back? One Word: STOMP

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Aug 31 - 5PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

when the N tries to break NC or you are tempted...

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Aug 11 - 1PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

for ginger & all newbies

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 8 - 12PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

when he comes back

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 21 - 1AM
Marie
Marie's picture

Yep

I just wrote some of this exact same stuff to Cupcake. Stupidly there was a point I almost took my Worm back but the same bs started up almost immediately. My journal entry of April 17th is typed in bold so I can easily locate when I feel my brain beginning to get amnesia and my heart beating too quick. It's painful to reread the betrayals again but it has stopped me from making a big mistake. He came back in March all sweet and wonderful but turned so quickly. He scarcely tried to hide any of his lies. I will never take him back. I want to be happy and with him comes great sadness, rejection and pain.
Jul 21 - 3AM (Reply to #5)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Marie

I always believe that God has his sense kind of humor and sometimes see myself telling My heavenly Father “Oh, that’s why you did that way, how funny”.. Another thing that stood out when reading the site when referring to him as a Worm is this. But to not break any rules about putting personal names on this site, I like to direct you my site and then look at my ex’s new target’s last name. You might find it funny. Also, both boys are born in July which is the same month of their mother's birth month. In fact my oldest who just turned 18 was born on the 13th and hers is on the 14th of the same month. I often wonder in God’s great wisdom is this was done for a reason? Strange but knowledge and humor seem to me to share a type of partnership. I wonder if humor itself was born out of knowledge? PS: So glad to hear you didn't take the Worm back, good for you!! http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/02/who-is-this-person.html
Jul 21 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
Marie
Marie's picture

James

Yes, that was funny and an odd twist. When I found out who the other woman was in my ex Ns life I looked her up on Facebook. Not only does she have a profile there was a group started by someone else called "unfriend (her name)" Seems she is a pain in the neck, so maybe she is a good match for him.
Jul 21 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Maire

LOL.. Yes, I too look up my ex (he doesn't have one) on myspace. Her profile is uncompleted with a few untruths insomuch she has no college and only one friend which anyone gets whenever they join myspace. If one knew her the profile fits her. LMFAO, Not sure about you or others members here but I would have paid him to take her off my hands! Just wish she wouldn't have done it this way. Like most of them they always leave a mess for someone else to clean up.
Jul 20 - 12AM
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Barbara

I haven't have the chance to check out the site but it looks like a good resource for those in abusive relationships. I already added on my blog site. Too many times due to a woman's forgiving nature will give an abuser another chance which may put in her yet more abuse. Hopefully, this site helps with this issue about the "Worm" and how it's best not to open this can up again. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Oct 23 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

how to handle when the N comes back

SEE TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Dec 31 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

So Your "WORM" Came Back?

READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website