So you ever wonder if?...

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Jan 19 - 12PM
ichooselife
ichooselife's picture

Oh ya, thats crossed my mind alot of times.

I've often wished that I had their numbers,at least one of them, so that I could ask "Did you go through these things with him too? Did he treat you like this too?" Especially seeing how he totally doesnt "get" how unfair and inappropriate he is, it must be that his also has a distorted view of his relationships with them too. He used to tell me about his "first love" who supposedly left suddenly after being with him for 5 yrs, saying that theres too much to be experienced in life to just stay with him. I never liked hearing about her or thinking of her. He said he really loved her. I also found something in his journal about missing her...he wrote it before he met me but still, only a few yrs ago. Another ex I know that he punched her in the mouth one time. His p.o. made him tell me. Of course he had an excuse for it. Another one was supposedly a mean drunk. I had to wonder if he was the one that drove her to drink and turned her mean.Said he caught her red-handed in bed with another man. And sounds like quite a few others were strippers. He referred to one of them as a b---when he first met me and was talking about it, saying she fooled around on him...He sure hangs onto things!
Jan 19 - 11AM
Used
Used's picture

lightattheendofthetunnel

I can see what you are saying, I have thought it too.... this [the internet] wasent around when i divorced my exh, and now it is and i learned so much about exh, exn, exnff, so on and so on, but speaking for narcs women....they are not the type to be on anything like this... I know thats a bit of a generalisation.... BUT MOST OF THEM ARE ALCOHOLICS LIKE HIM... He had one ex that sounds a half decent women....THATS THE ONE WHO IF HE SAYS HI...SHE PHONES THE POLICE.... If I think of narc I have to say he targets vulnerable women, and that means pysichal and mental illness.... they have alsways got something wrong with them, or just come out of a r/s or lost a love one...anything and he is there...... his *friend* last year was realy not well.....she know looks as if she has been dumped...myenh....I cant even be bothered to talk about.....
Jan 19 - 12PM
midnight7
midnight7's picture

In the beginning they often

In the beginning they often present as victims (the irony). He'd had several failed relationships and it was all their fault - they were terrible women (unstable/liars/not seeing to his needs - again the irony). We tend to give people the benefit of the doubt although this should have been a red flag. By the end with all the bizarre/crazy behaviour and lies I realised what he'd told me about the others couldn't possibly be true so I did what they all fear as they tend to compartmentalise their lives so as not to be found out - I compared notes with an ex. Yes, she too had been through all the mad behaviour/been on the same roller coaster, and 10 years after their split and after he'd been back to have one night stands with her (always telling her that he/I were finished - we weren't) she was still affected by all and had gone through therapy and been told it was likely she'd been dealing with a narcissist. Despite all this she'd just sent him a Christmas card! It is such a endless madness that I think some people are never quite sure what it is they are experiencing/have experienced - lala land becomes normalised and we feel everyone will think us crazy if we try and relate what we have been through - so we stay small, still, quiet in stead of exploring what is going on to find our own voice and a way out - for good. The narcissist I had the relationship with is in the UK still blaming his lifetime of misery on several women in particular and all women in general - absolutely oblivious to the destruction he's caused.
Jan 19 - 12PM (Reply to #14)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

when the x met a woman

when we were together she told him he was the whole package when we split and they dated she ditched him after 2 months, she must have known something was off. The x used to say.....I want to be vulnerable but......
Jan 19 - 10AM
Movingforwardnow
Movingforwardnow's picture

Texas/California

Mine is originally from Califonia. Lives in Texas now. I have often wondered if any of his exes were on here.
Jan 19 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
Maggster
Maggster's picture

CT

CT
Jan 19 - 10AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

YES most people who have intimate relationships with these PD's

KNow that SOMETHING is OFF. Often they chock it up to immaturity, addiction, bad childhood, a rough patch and whatever excuse they want to use. People who knew him and made comments said. He's a loner He's a drug addict He drinks too much His mother left him when he was 4. He was a good guy gone bad. He was broken hearted over an old relationship. He was insecure, shy, afraid of LOVE. All the same stuff we told ourselves to JUSTIFY their selfish, abusive, hateful behaviors. I made "excuses" for him as well, most of us do. Until we can no longer deny the fact that what ails this person goes far beyond all of that. And we are finally ready to admit that this person is just NOT RIGHT UPSTAIRS. We did NOTHING to warrent this horrible treatment, we cannot cure them, and the only hope of saving ourselves it to get on a fast train AWAY from these basket cases. No one else knows them like we do unless they too have been in an intimate relationship with them and their families see a lot of it but sometimes they don't even see the true extend of their dysfunction. They SAVE that for US llucky one's who they let down their masks of deception with and this is why it is vital to trust YOUR instincts. Don't let anyone else tell you anything different than what you can see and feel yourself. They have NO CLUE what we have been through and what we have seen. God bless, Goldie
Jan 19 - 11AM (Reply to #10)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Goldie, dead on list! I

Goldie, dead on list! I loved "afraid of love".....mine use to say to me in the beginning all the time "I'm afraid to trust you with my heart". OMG! What a red flag that was! Didn't know it then, but know it now. :)
Jan 19 - 10AM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Mine from

OKLAHOMA...

Aceonelady

Jan 19 - 10AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I have often wondered that

I have often wondered that myself. Mine is from Minnesota. Anyone's narc from Minnesota?
Jan 19 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Oh good call Sparrow...

Mines from the UK.. orginally Lincoln..Then Nottingham.. Then Bournemouth, then Bracknell then Taiwan..then London... Yeah true to Narc form he moves around alot *rolls eyes* lol
Jan 19 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Well, Light, at least mine hasn't

made it to the UK yet but here's his list: Upstate New York Toronto Canada Alaska Vermont Detroit Newcastle Canada Rural Michigan Jacksonville, Florida and...drumroll...back in rural Michigan. Whatever. Talk about textbook borderline/narc! I thought this was very "bold and worldly." Now I know it's another red flag... Sincerely, (not) spinning. CAUSE I'M WAY OUT OF THE GAME

spinning

Jan 19 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

ooo spinning...the MI Narcs....

Mine is in Detroit area... Im sure you will read all about him this spring when he has his huge society wedding with disordered OW ( not all OWs are disordered too but she is) He just got engaged...woo woo..cash cow !!!! since he lost all his money juggling Ow and I... Hes getting everything he ever wanted...he and his BLACK soul!!!
Jan 19 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
spinning
spinning's picture

baking, I know this news had set you

on a little "spin" but in reality, you should send her a sympathy card (just kidding of course) You know what she's in for. Well, when the cash dries up... Ho hum. The disordered ones are so so so so lazy. Last I knew, Freak Boy, too, latched onto a new rich family for supply. He was smoozing them up when we were still "together" gag. I'm surprised he's held on this long, but the mansion and the money helps him keep the mask on I'm sure. I sometimes wish I could give them an earfull about the "mentor/coach" they're allowing their young teenage son to "follow." I realize, however, it's not my problem and it would feed into the "crazy ex" thing he does so well... I'll look for the "story" knowing it is just that...a Twilight Zone event. Hopefully it will rain. Detroit area springs are dark and dank...fitting, I suppose. Hang in, baking. They deserve each other. Love, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I AM IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL!

spinning

Jan 20 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
bakingfortherapy
bakingfortherapy's picture

spinning, you are right...

this engagement has triggered me...it brings back the tornado of pain i was in with them both...ugh!!! and i would feel sorry for her, but she is as bad as him..Is it possible to get "double Narced?" this gal swore she would get rid of me and get him to marry her... at this point she doesnt deserve my sympathy... he told me of her plan to help his finances and he swore he would never do it..but that was when he still had a little bit of money they look happy in the photo...as happy as two disordereds can be.... I just have to remind myself that at least they will be off the street so they cant hurt anyone else! and be glad I survived my dance with the devil!!! I really, truly had NO IDEA people like this existed and could be so cruel and evil!!! Still surprised by that!
Jan 19 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Lol Spinning..

Keep him in the US/Canada :-p In return il make sure this one doesn't get as far as the US.. well kind of.. Only Belize, China and Taiwan are really at threat from him overseas (Sorry Belizean, Chinese, Taiwanese ladies) :-( God Narcs suck! x