So you ever wonder if?...

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#1 Jan 19 - 10AM
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

So you ever wonder if?...

The ones before us spotted or knew something was off/not right?

I keep thinking in the case of my ex surely i cannot be the only one who looked up Sociopathy, Borderline Personality Disorder and NPD...? Right?

Each time a newbie posts, i scan the info to see if they could be possibly talking about the ex?

Anyone else ever wondered this?.. I mean surely we cant be the only ones who "got it" and identifying we were dealing with somebody with a PD who was disordered...

Bah - Rambling

(P.S No contact is wayyyyyy easier the second time round.. like the legend Maya Angelou says "When you know better.. you do better" )

Light x

Jan 21 - 2AM
dunzo
dunzo's picture

Florida?

Florida anyone?
Jan 21 - 9AM (Reply to #43)
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yea,

The ExN is a big black cloud in the Sunshine State.
Jan 21 - 10AM (Reply to #44)
dunzo
dunzo's picture

ruby01

what part?
Jan 21 - 11AM (Reply to #45)
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

dunzo

Southwest
Jan 21 - 11AM (Reply to #46)
dunzo
dunzo's picture

ruby01

well, if anyone knows a narc in the villages/ocala area, would love to compare notes...
Jan 21 - 2AM
Narcbuster
Narcbuster's picture

Watch out Edmonton and

Watch out Edmonton and Vancouver, back and forth for business
Jan 21 - 2AM (Reply to #40)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Why? Do you have a Canadian

Why? Do you have a Canadian narc on the loose? I have three FB friends from the same online forum I used to frequent who've been burned by a particular internet narc from Vancouver in the last year... I'm sorry, but I can't help but wonder if it's the same guy. Probably not, but you know how the "narcdar" goes off when someone mentions a specific location...
Jan 22 - 9PM (Reply to #41)
Journey
Journey's picture

Eerie

For sure we do! Both comments above sound right... I'd love to find out if any of you know my exN!

Journey on...

Jan 21 - 1AM
WorthMore
WorthMore's picture

Just over the holidays I kept

Just over the holidays I kept thinking, as I read all the stories and saw how these a-holes really are the same, that they are the equivalent of fruitcakes, literally, that last forever, taste awful with little transparent fake sweet bits, that nobody wants and that keep getting re-gifted year after year to another unsuspecting recipient... I'm guilty. I have an out for when the current victim shows up here... I can't wait for the day when I don't give a shit anymore.
Jan 21 - 2AM (Reply to #37)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

I should say -- there IS such

I should say -- there IS such a thing as *good* fruitcake. It depends on the baker and the tradition. My friend makes an Italian Christmas "Panettone" and my mother a Russian Easter "Kulich" that are delicious....I've even had a traditional English "Figgy Pudding," or plum cake, that was sweet and scrumptious... A narc fruitcake, on the other hand, is more like something one acquires from a discount bakery; something that's been passed around for a minimum of five years before someone actually unwraps it, takes a taste, and then barfs up everything she's eaten in the last day-and-a-half. In other words, if it don't look right, don't SMELL right, don't take a bite!
Jan 22 - 7PM (Reply to #38)
WorthMore
WorthMore's picture

Dulcinea, I should have

Dulcinea, I should have qualified my comment as being about a modern "American" fruitcake - lol! You are right, those others, when baked well, are superb! The lesson you leave us in your comment is SPOT ON! Thanks!
Jan 20 - 8PM
Lookonthesunnyside
Lookonthesunnyside's picture

Maya Angelou also said "the

Maya Angelou also said "the first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" I wish I had!! And ya my ex had one semi seious relationship before me and he claims that he broke up with her and that she would out of nowhere become really cold and bitchy. Im starting to wonder if it was in fact the complete OPPOSITE which would make a lot more sense. Ugh who knows...
Jan 20 - 3PM
D.
D.'s picture

I like that quote by Maya

I like that quote by Maya Angelou. It's so true. I don't doubt for a minute that his previous gf had these issues with him. He is very very secretive about that relationship. He won't really tell me anything about it. All I know is that he hates her guts. That level of emotion HATE that he has for her baffles me. I don't hate any of my exes! I'm still friends with one of my Exes, actually. No bad blood anywhere in my world.
Jan 20 - 3PM (Reply to #34)
midnight7
midnight7's picture

The narcissist I was involved

The narcissist I was involved with said he hated 2 Exs vehemently and they were under no illusions regarding this - it didn't prevent him from hoovering years later with one for a one night stand (one of his marital infidelities - 10 years previously he'd dumped her at a clinic to have an abortion calling her a liar and driving off) and the other who almost had a nervous breakdown yet had a one night stand with him 5 years after their relationship ended whilst he was with me (he told her our relationship was over). They don't hate or love - they D&D until ready to hoover and return as if nothing had happened.
Jan 20 - 3PM
Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture

They are grifters

Mine is in the south west of England uk
Jan 20 - 3PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

i was lucky

and got to meet 2 of his exwives, one i am still good friends with and the other was too much like him ,no wonder that one did not work out, it has been very enlightening shall we say............
Jan 20 - 3PM
peachesn
peachesn's picture

I very often wonder a/b this

I very often wonder a/b this myself...like, what if one of his exes or current women are on here? What did they experience and go through? Actually, in the cases of the 2 exes that I know of, I know their time w/ him ended in heartbreak and depression for them. I wish I could contact them and say 'sorry for what you've been through' and just give them a big hug. Too many have been through such pain on this site, but it does give me hope that there's such a wonderfully supportive community! xx
Jan 20 - 2AM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

I know of at least two

who were devastated by his cold cruel behavior - one went public on TV - he caused financial problems for both of them but never caused any for me... he did not intentionally cause them financial harm, it was the fallout of associating with a cold hearted narc, get too involved and accidents and disappointments are coming your way
Jan 19 - 7PM
MandyM
MandyM's picture

I often wish I had the guts

I often wish I had the guts to contact the women I know of from my ex's past. I know who several of them are, and they'd be easy enough to find. I'd love to compare notes. If any of them were to contact me - past, present (even the current one I've never liked in all the time I've known her), and/or future - I'd willingly talk with them.
Jan 20 - 3PM (Reply to #28)
D.
D.'s picture

I've thought about that too.

I've thought about that too. I would be open to discussing it with the future-gf if I'm contacted down the road. I would want them to know they aren't crazy and what they are going through are real issues he has, not their imagination.
Jan 19 - 5PM
dunzo
dunzo's picture

Oh yah, for sure.

The ones before...the ones now... I entertained the thought of emailing them and commiserating (no idea how to spell that) for about twenty seconds and then thought better of it. In my sitch, Facebook makes it so easy. I know exactly who he has been talking to and can even tell who is grooming as future supply. Sick, sick, sick...
Jan 19 - 5PM
walking_on_sunshine
walking_on_sunshine's picture

Yeah, and especially when the

Yeah, and especially when the stories sound like it would come from one of the ow's recollections. I have that happen all the time but I eventually find one fact that just doesn't match. I think a lot of woman allow themselves to be blamed and don't look for answers outside of trying to get them from the N. I know when his xg called for closure ( i had to relay messages to her because he refused to talk to her) It was as if she just didn't understand why he wanted nothing to do with her. I guess she never got here, and yes I wish I had have been wiser to write down her number.
Jan 19 - 3PM
Femmegem
Femmegem's picture

Would love to contact his exes

Just to give them peace of mind over what happened to them. He is from down South in UK. They are just a click on facebook but I dare not in case they're over him. He left every single one of them heartbroken, and our mutual friend once told me that all his exes become psycho after meeting him. He cheated on all his exes, and none of them know. He blocked me on facebook so I wouldn't find out who his current girlfriend. Towards the end he knew I had almost figured him out and that scared the hell out of him. He's probably worried I'll warn the new girlfriend away. I just realised last valentines day he had a meeting with his (female) manager and they arranged to have it at their local coffee shop. No wonder he seemed harassed when I tried to get to see him after work. He Obviously.had other plans. God I'm so stupid.......!
Jan 19 - 3PM (Reply to #23)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Femmegem!..

I nearly had a flutter of hope with your post, except mine reluctantly showed up last valentines day and im not his manager LOL oh and he showed empty handed of course.. ok i lie a little he printed me off a card he found on the internet ... cheap f*ck. Oh i contacted the ex wife after our split via facebook twice... i got no response, even though i know she went through hell and back with him and i discovered texts of his cruelty/dd towards her near the end. I do wonder why she didnt contact me back but i do understand :-( Maybe it was selfish of me for contacting her.. it was imnmediately after our split and also he was at that time still on my friends list (not on hers). Ah well x
Jan 19 - 4PM (Reply to #24)
Femmegem
Femmegem's picture

mine was a cheap f*** too

I think we THINK differently because we know about the disorder. I'd be happy if his exes or newbies contacted me, but they might be so blinded by his facade. They.might think he put you up to it to get info or gloat? I've so nearly done that on fb too but I'll Learn from your experience and leave them to it!
Jan 19 - 3PM
saphire1
saphire1's picture

I have alwayys wanted to find

I have alwayys wanted to find one of his exes . I can't be the only one he's done this to. Of course he always bad mouthed hiss exes to me acted like the victim. I wonder if he treated them bad.I know he lived in Idaho Arizona Georgia California Pennsylvania South Carolina he is currently in Hawaii and engaged
Jan 19 - 1PM
Jar of hearts
Jar of hearts's picture

Uk

ExN alert in North Yorkshire but just married an American girl he met on Fb so will unfortunately be heading across the water one day! Sorry!!
Jan 19 - 3PM (Reply to #19)
abusednomore
abusednomore's picture

Mines South Yorkshire!

Mines South Yorkshire! currently onto his second fiancee! i never got the privelage of a ring, just a bloody house we r arguin over! lol!
Jan 19 - 8PM (Reply to #20)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Mine was from West Yorkshire!

Mine was from West Yorkshire! What is it about that place? Now we just need one from East Yorkshire to complete the coven and cast the curse, mwaha.
Jan 19 - 12PM
Narcbuster
Narcbuster's picture

yes, yes, yes it's all the

yes, yes, yes it's all the same shit over and over, Connecticut (anybody) Ya I know stuff from others, I wish they would have warned me, but I probably wouldn't listen, I will warn any future women but they probably wouldn't know I exist or find me, I never changed my name when I married, I just got rid of the last of his crap, sent it to his work! haha he has no idea as he has gone "on vacation" to avoid being served. ASS