So many emotions today!

So many emotions today!... need to get this out!

TO.N
I HATE YOU!! YOU ARE AN EVIL, CRUEL, DISTORTED SON OF A BITCH!
i AM SO ANGRY AT YOU FOR PRETENDING TO BE EVERYTHING I WANTED, FOR PRETENDING TO HAVE A HEART, FEELINGS, PRETENDING TO LOVE ME!
I HATE YOU FOR MIRRORING ALL MY GOOD QAULITIES, AND FEEDING OFF ME FOR YEARS.
I HATE THAT YOU TOOK MY LIGHT TO FILL YOU DARKNESS.
I HATE YOU FOR BEING CONTROLLING, MANIPULATIVE, GAS LIGHTING ME, GIVING ME THE ST, BLAMING ME FOR EVERYTHING WRONG IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.
I HATE YOU FOR KILLING MY SELF ESTEEM FOR PROJECTING ALL YOUR FEARS AND SHIT ONTO ME!
I HATE THAT YOU CHEWED ME UP, SPAT ME OUT, WHEN YOU GOT BORED, AND I DIDNT MEET ALL OF YOUR NEEDS ANYMORE.
I HATE THAT SHATTERED ALL MY HOPES AND DREAMS AND LEFT ME IN A CRUMPLED MESS ON THE FLOOR.
I HATE THAT YOU KNEW ALL ALONG THAT YOU HAD A PD, AND YOU HID IT FROM ME.
I HATE THAT YOU HAVE NO EMPATHY, COMPASSION AND THAT YOU CAN INFLICT SO MUCH PAIN EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
I HATE THAT YOU LIED SO EASILY TO ME, CHEATED ON ME.
I HATE THAT YOU CAN SO EASILY WRITE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL VOWS/SONGS/POEMS! BUT THEY ARE JUST WORDS!
I HATE THAT YOU SAID OUR MARRIAGE IS JUST A PIECE OF PAPER, AND OUR VOWS WERE JUST WORDS.
i HATE YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU REALLY ARE, AND I HATE THAT YOU CONTINUE TO FOOL SO MANY PEOPLE WITH YOU CHARMING EXTERIOR.
I HATE THAT YOU ARE AN EMPTY SHELL AND I HATE YOU FOR TAKING MY SOUL!
I HATE YOU NOW THAT I KNOW OUR MARRIAGE WAS ONE BIG LIE.
I HATE THAT LIFE IS JUST A GAME TO YOU, EACH OF US JUST A PAWN!
I HATE THAT I TREATED YOU LIKE A KING AND IN THE END YOU RIPPED ME TO SHREADS!
I HATE THAT I LOVED YOU SO MUCH, AND THAT YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY LOVE!
FUCK I JUST HATE YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!

To eyes ( me),

Im disappointed in you for not seeing all the red flags and for continuing this toxic dance with N for 7 years. Im dissappointed to didnt listen to your gut intution all along, and continued ignoring it for years! BUT, i am so grateful that you have now opened your eyes and see how toxic your marriage was.
I am so happy that you have found the path forward, and that you are among friends who understand you.

Im so proud of you for finding the strength you never thought you had and implementing NC, and sticking to it!

Im happy that you have finally realised that you CANNOT save him, and instead chose to SAVE yourself.

I proud that you reach out for help when you need it ( something you dont usually do).

I proud that the old YOU is slowly returning and that you are embracing it.

I proud that you are trying so hard to get through the bad days and fighting to stay strong..

Im proud that you finally listened to your intuition that was screaming to you, and you finally took a stand and said "NO MORE".

EYES,

XOX