So I give up on him, now what?

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#1 Sep 10 - 7PM

Nicole96

So I give up on him, now what?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iVRqCLGRtY

Title: The White Stripes - I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself lyrics

I just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself
planning everything for two
doing everything with you
and now that we're through
I just don't know what to do

I just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself
movies only make me sad
parties make me feel as bad
cause I'm not with you
I just don't know what to do

like a summer rose
needs the sun and rain
I need your sweet love
to beat love away

well I don't know what to do with myself
just don't know what to do with myself
planning everything for two
doing everything with you
and now that we're through
I just don't know what to do

like a summer rose
needs the sun and rain
I need your sweet love
to beat love away

I just don't know what to do with myself
just don't know what to do with myself
just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself

#2 Sep 11 - 3PM

wholeagain

I understand

I think I mentioned this somewhere else, but one of the things I did was make a list of my values (wrote out a big list then narrowed it down to the top 20). For example, self respect, integrity, adventure, creativity, humor, etc. Then I went back and wrote down how I was, or wasn't, living up to those values. That was really helpful in getting me centered back on me, my values had gotten too tangled up with the ex's. Another exercise might be to make a list of things you like and don't like. Pretty simple, but again we get so enmeshed with the narcissist that their likes/dislikes become ours. So kind of reintroducing yourself to yourself. I spent 25 years between two narcissists, yet I'm out of it now and happy in a relationship. You can be too, until then the best thing you can do is build a strong foundation within yourself so that you'll attract the kind of man with whom having a relationship and kids would be a joy. xoxo

#3 Sep 11 - 3PM

Nicole96

I get the idea that we are supposed to focus on ourselves now

But how do i do that? He was so much a part of me for 9 years and since (WE) were the main focus of my attention and energy how do i shift to caring only about myself? It is clear i didn't/ don't have the strongest sense of myself either and it hurts me to not have his "supply" either. What do i do? How do i find out what i really want if for so long everything else has not been my priority?

#4 Sep 11 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

Mariline

The very same words you have

The very same words you have written show that it is time to change. Noone, even at the top of happiness, is meant to live for someone else. Even our children grow up and go away. Try to remember who you are, because you have forgotten it. remember what you like to do. Where would you go. Make plans for a further education, for health improvement, for your beauty, for career enhancement. Try to volunteer. Leave for a long journey. read all the book that you have forgotten to read in the past years. Reconnect with old friends. Do stupid things and watch a lot of comic movies. Start being yourself. It's time.

#5 Sep 11 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

Nicole96

the good news / bad news

its good news and bad news. I really haven't forgotten myself in all of this though. I have taken care of myself. I know how to eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, educate myself. I am a certified professional in my current field, i am advancing my skill in my hobbies ... but all of this alone isnt enough to make me feel whole right now. I have traveled a bit but dont enjoy it so much that now i feel im "free"... i need someone to enjoy it all with! the problem is i had almost everything i wanted but he took away the possibility of having the last 2 missing pieces; children and a permanent companion (in the man i loved so much). i guess the only comforting idea is that this is only temporary right? I am sorry, im just not the type of person who will be happy as a single woman with no family or male companion the rest of her life. That just i'snt me, nor do i think i will only ever be ok if i can think that way... MAYBE this will change, but for now this is the full and honest truth.

#6 Sep 18 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

hooklineandsinker

I'm the exact same. I've no

I'm the exact same. I've no interest in being alone for the rest of my life. We were created for intimacy and companionship.

#7 Sep 11 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

Mariline

Nicole, you cannot imagine

Nicole, you cannot imagine how much I understand you. But you know something? Beware. This need is dangerous and may point you in the wrong direction. There is no need to be with someone else. The real need now is healing you. If you go with someone in order to heal, can be comforting as much as you want but is wrong. Been there, done that. If all you want is a companion, for the law of great numbers you will find many. If what you want is the right one you have to cultivate yourself. You do not need any person, you need the right one. So, refine your research. Refine yourself and enjoy your company. You do not have to beg. especially don't beg for a gift. For a mutual gift. (((((hugs)))) I DO understand you.

#8 Sep 11 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

Janet

It takes time and patience

It takes time and patience and some hard days. One step at a time. Do something you think you might enjoy. Do the things you need to do to have a good existence. Reach out to friends and family and your community. Know that you are not alone in what starts out as a scary, depressing and lonely place. Peace. J

Peace. J

#9 Sep 11 - 1AM

almostlydia

Isn't it the sad truth. I'm

Isn't it the sad truth. I'm going to figure it out tho if its the last thing I do as I know he has moved on quite easily. almostlydia

almostlydia

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