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Six weeks no contact today :)

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#1 Sep 17 - 12PM
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

Six weeks no contact today :)

It's been 6 weeks since my N assaulted me, the first week was sheer hell, looking in the mirror at my bruised and swollen face, wondering WTF went wrong and feeling a deep emptiness inside for what I thought I'd lost. Second week I discovered NPD and the light went off in my head, then came the terror of what he may do to me as I'm testifying against him in court on 15th October, the constant nightmares, jumping every time my doorbell went, looking over my shoulder each time I went out.

I now know that I've not lost, I've finally woken up and gained a new insight into the relationship and am thankful that I am still here to tell the tale :) it's still a rough ride ahead and I'm taking every precaution for mine and my children's safety, but I feel empowered since I found this site. Reading everyone's stories and views have reassured me that I'm not alone in all this, seeing how STRONG and intelligent all the women are on here gives me strength to get through this.

Last week I had another setback, my n broke his bail conditions and started texting, ringing and even sent me photographs in the post of our first holiday together, BEFORE he started to let his mask slip. He wrote on the inside cover that he couldn't bare to look at them as they made him cry, how I should have them and that he would love me always, if I wasn't armed with the knowledge I've gained through the internet and this site I may have waivered and believed his BULLS*IT, instead I reported every contact to the police and they arrested him, so last weekend I was at the peak of my fear threshold again as they only held him overnight and released him again the following day. I know that now he has finally realised that he can't worm his way back into my life again and get me to drop the charges that he will be filled with rage and revenge against me...BUT, I HAVE to stay strong so that he can't keep getting away with this. I've since found out he has done this before and got away with it. His NEXT victim may not be so lucky so I have to do what is right, no matter WHAT the consequences.

I've been reading better off's posts today and she seems so wise and takes no prisoners, I think we all need to heed her advise, she has been there, come out the other side and is stronger for it. I hope that 18 months down the line I have such strength and wisdom.

For now I will keep vigilant, keep reading on this site to keep me strong and try to get through the next four weeks till the trial the best I can.

A big thankyou to all on here who have inspired me to stay strong and do what is ultimately right, hold my N accountable for his actions at long last.

Tracey xxx

Sep 17 - 1PM
Used
Used's picture

desparatehousewife

good for you taking this stand, unlike you i didnt. the pyshical abuse i stood for, and still cant believe i did. you are very brave, and yes i fully believe other woman have not proced as you have, the 2 that did with narc, he wont go near now. one every time she see,s him she gets her phone out to call police, like you she is strong, my exh was so clever, the worse hiding i ever got, i left for first time. i went back when he promised never to do it again, he said even if he had to hit a passer by. true, i went on medication after that and stayed on it for years, i became a placid, docile woman, he never hit me once, after 10 years, i stopped taking them, became my self, and he started again. i divorced him. good luck to you.
Sep 17 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

thankyou thankyou thankyou

that is the most reassuring message I've had, to know that your N was held accountable by other women and didn't KILL them, it may sound silly but because mine has never been outed before I have been terrified for my life, I guess I still will be, but maybe to a lesser degree now. Maybe the nightmares may give me some respite tonight.
Sep 17 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
Used
Used's picture

your welcome

what you have to remember always they are cowards, so if they can woo you back and get you to drop charges they will, my n been to prison for it but now he would be afraid to go near her, he told me, but i relized it anyway. still look after yourself and family, but any contact ,go to police this scares them, n,s ex does not fear him and he knows this so stays clear and the other x, but the what i call vunrable women wouldnt call the police anyway, if you show a bit ogf fear he will be in there, and the bird, she is only there for support, she doesnt know this, but n done this while awaiting trial b/f i knew him. then dropped her the day he came out of prison, she is nothing to him, and if she b/c a pest get her nicked as well. dont hesitate, this is intimadation. love.
Sep 17 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

Used

I know the ex/GF is only there for support, she is welcome to him as long as she stays away from me and my children, just wish she didn't live around the corner from me, but I have informed the police of her attacking me and they will be keeping a watch on her too, oh and his daughter sent me a death threat on FB last week after he was arrested, so I now have her to worry about. BUT I will heed your advise, and show no fear even though I'm a 'bag of nerves' I've read that I have to appear fearless, it's hard putting on a mask like they do, but if it will keep me safe then I will do it :) x
Sep 17 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Alive
Alive's picture

GF

I had the gf come looking for me aswell, mind you she never came to my door?? dont know why but to cut a long story short, if she ever did i really dont know what i would do, my instant reaction would to tell her to go away and close the door, if she persisted then im afraid i would not be accountable for my actions. They both done this very sneaky though, if THEY had any balls they would of come straight to my door. Its all a game for the N. GF does not relise this yet but he is using her. But you know what i certainly looked straight at her when the N returned my kid to me. She certainly knew then that i meant business. I have kept notes of dates and times and i will have no hesitation to call the police. I was thinking the other day, before she came looking for me, i felt sorry for her, knowing what is coming to her but now i have no respect for her after what she has done, she is either dumb, far to soft or toatlly under his spell.
Sep 17 - 1PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

congrats.

good for you, housewife. You are an inspiration, yourself. And you are right about his next victim. You very well may be saving someone's life, here. These guys do not change, so you have to be tough with them.