The fact that he found someone on match...haha Is amazing in and of itself. Given your description of this nut.
I will say, that what amazes me, is in your ex's profile...he sounded mean. Bitter. What woman would find that appealing? I told you, I decided to ''explore'' recently, went onto a dating website that I knew my ex was on...and plugged in some specifics (did not create a fake account, you can do this without being a member...in the search feature) and omg. lol I don't know if I should cry or laugh. What he had posted was astounding. I told mer569 about it, recently.
He says...''will travel and potentially relocate for the right girl.'' haha Sounds like applying for a job.
And knowing him? And then, viewing that? It really looked like a cold, calculated attempt to get new supply. There was nothing at all appealing about his profile. Except he takes care of his health. Meticulously. But, other than that...he sounds like a bitter, angry asshole, just like yours, soaper! lol
I just looked out of curiousity. I'm not going to look anymore...because I want this chapter closed. If I keep picking at the healing scabs, I'll never fully heal.
Ladies, we loved...and we gave. And there's no crime or shame in that! We learned what we were dealing with. Some of us left. Some of us were left. But, we can get beyond this! We can heal and be wiser, and stronger! May God bless you all, and thanks for the responses.
ps--Oh, in his 'interests...' it showed hunting and camping. Yikes...I didn't know that. Glad this thing is ova! hahaha
I think the ex-Psych prof probably found his "ideal" situation becoming all too real as soon as he got his girlfriend pregnant- with TWINS no less (and she's not exactly a celebrity twin beauty like Rebecca Romijn, Jennifer Lopez or Mariah Carey)-and she suddenly had NEEDS. The ex-P didn't have to deal with me carrying his children. He didn't even have to deal with me as a sexual partner. In some ways, I can still be idealized. Unlike her, he didn't have to come home to me.
"Would I be wrong to think if you weren't looking any further, you'd hide or profile?"-I AGREE!! If they were both in an "Ideal" situation, they would've hidden their profiles and/or deactivated their accounts. I don't think my sister&my brother in-law (who met through eHarmony) still have active eHarmony accounts. Sam Vaknin has famously said that if you want a long-term relationship with a Narc, don't worry about having affairs on the side...it keeps that emotional distance that Narcs LIKE. A Narc doesn't have to worry about his partner getting too close if their partner is... enjoying someone on the side. My classmates thought the ex-Psych prof was gay&that his girlfriend was a lesbian... and that they had an "understanding." There's an old Masterpiece Theater miniseries called "Portrait of a Marriage" about Nigel Nicholson&Vita Sackville-West. Nigel&Vita had three sons... but Nigel had affairs with men, and Vita had affairs with author Virginia Woolf&Violet Trefusis. Leo Tolstoy was a raging Narc- his wife Sofia thought he was having affairs with men- she had an emotional affair with a musician- but they stayed together. IMHO, if a couple is having an open relationship, at least be HONEST about it. Don't pretend to be monogamous when you're not.
"She might possibly a female Narc herself"- My mother had Narc parents. She always says "Narcs find each other." Compatible, yes, in a perverse kind of way. I think two Narcs together is better than a Narc ruining a normal person and/or turning a normal person into a Narc. My maternal grandparents were Narcs. So were Eva and Juan Peron. It was speculated that the ex-P and his girlfriend were Narcs. The ex-P would constantly accuse me of being a Narc--and I think deep down, he wanted a partner as narcissistic as himself. It sounds like your ex-Narc's girlfriend might be a Narc herself. A perfect match. Two Narcs tend to last longer together than a Narc&a normal person. Leo Tolstoy turned his wife Sofia into a Narc.. they stayed married for 48 years.
All I can say is Being forewarned is forearmed. Remember all his crazy making, don't let your guard down for awhile and move on with the rest of your Life........and even if he does show up "Tell him you are not available and that you have a Good Man". Click. :-) Who am I just take care of yourself.
I think the hoovering ones are still in need of you for supply and the silent ones have already found some. This may not be the case with every last one of them, I just think this is the case most of the time.
My X hoovered the daylights out of me for months and then nothing, he has new supply now, because if he did not, I would still be the only game in town. When the new supply dries up and it will, he'll be back.
God bless,
Goldie
With mine, I am sure he knew I'd be back. Also it seems mine's never short of supply.
He did hoover, but not like some of the ones I've read about on this website. He took the nice route: lured me back in with talks about what a special friend I was. Took me out to dinner, treated me nicely,
Ever since I have broken off contact, his hoovering was not very significant. First there was an OW, so he'd only call to let me know how great he was doing (and, I am assuming, to see whether I was missing him). He must have gotten bored because I wouldn't tell him anything personal about me. I didn't yell at him, nothing. Just wouldn't return his calls.
Then he tried "talking" to me whenever he'd see me online. Those attempts were pathetic. Also, those few time when i actually responded, he would disappear again or ignore me, so that's what I've started doing (but most of the time I'm not even visibly online)
Hasn't hoovered for a few weeks now, so I am assuming there's a new victim
He never asked me why I didn't call back, never cursed at me. I think he might have figured out that I know what he's about. He's smart and so am I. And he knows that.
I can totally relate to your post. I was only his "Special Friend" among others I am sure. However, during the three years that I actively participated in the friendship (Not knowing he was a Narc) he would call wanting to "talk" for hours, send suggestive emails and send me text messages. I would question him because I knew he had another woman in his life, now I understand that he was grooming her for his total power and control over her. The move he revealed the more I was catching on. He then would go silent for six weeks at a time. I didn't respond....or call.
Another mutual friend of our's let me know that he was very frustrated with me because not many women turned him down. I also think he figured out that I had caught on to him. I know he is smart be so am I....I think he remains nice to me out of fear that I would out him
how weird ,i could have written your post, the only diffrence, i didnt know about him having ow[well not realy, i say not realy b/c i questioned him one day about this woman...why would i do that if i didnt suspect something.?......like you lady123, i now how many beans make 5, and tho i have been 19mnths nc he makes sure i see him most times i go out but has stopped approaching me... he was obsessessed with the expression, KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE BUT YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER.... SO I BOUGHT HIM A CARD THAT SAID IT AND I HAVE OUTED HIM...HE TOLD ME HE WAS AFRAID OF ME EVEN WHEN WE WERE FRIENDS ...WHAT A SAP, I TOO WAS HIS SPECIAL FRIEND...LOL
I believe most Narcs a combination of the two, at least my Narc is. It just depends on what he needs. he initally gave me the silent treatment and was off with the OW. Then he was hoovering again, and telling me "I was the love of his life", his "soulmate", I was "hot and delcious"...and so it goes..Thankful for this site. The last time he hoovered I said "I understand why all of a sudden you are saying all of these fantastic things to me. It is because you need my cooperation right now. You need me. You are only being nice and complimentary because you need something else from me." He got pissed!! BINGO!!
His response was pure and simple RAGE. Narcs do not like being called on their BS. Realize that I had 13 years marriage with this pathetic shell of a man, who looks very appealing on the outside and has absolutely no empathy and no moral character of any kind on the inside.
I went NC for a couple weeks, then had to break it because of children we have (be thankful if you can go complete NC and do not have these unecessary attachments with your N.) After I called him out (as my above post states), I have been NC again for over a week. He has tried to call and email me. I changed my cell phone number so I don't have to receive his vile texts any longer. I have not answered the phone or any of his emails. If he has an actual issue pertaining to one of the children I will have to respond. Not happy about that, but I have no choice. The courts here believe in "co-parenting", and communication is part of that. Very, very sad. He thinks he is omnipotent, and he also thinks he will take full custody of our children because he is so perfect- can't give him any ammunition, so I will have to reply and deal with him concerning our children. It's not easy..
Wants only to look like they want full custody, image critical! Remember mirroring. The outsiders opinion of them is essential to their persona. She wants everyone to think she is a great mom, can't blame her for that. But frequently looks for ways for me to have my daughter more than the 50/50 we agreed upon. She finds strange reasons why she needs me to have my kid extra days. This one works for me because I love my kid, and know when she is with me she is not being used for supply by the x. Sad but true.
Best thing about moving on, the obsession about the n weakens and fades. I hated it when I couldn't stop thinking about her. Now I go days and days, and even make it through communication with her about the kid with no crappy feelings or emotions... and sometimes I don't, lol....It ain't easy, but I am proof that it is doable, and if I can do it, so can you!
Chris
The fact that he found
When the bloom fades
Girl
Deidre
With mine, I am sure he knew
Alisa
ladybird123
combination
I'm curious, how did he
Alisa
A true narc