the silent treatment

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#1 Oct 13 - 11PM
Oct 14 - 12PM
BAW
BAW's picture

Oh lord the silent

Oh lord the silent treatment. I used to get it all the time, especially when I brought up things like him chipping in his full share of our rent. Now that he's gone, and I am de-fogged I finally realized - what ADULT does that? It's an elementary schoolgirl tactic. SO GLAD to be rid of it. :D
Oct 14 - 12PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

the silent treatment

i believe was more detrimental to my marriage the being beaten or cheated on. it is so hurtful... i sent him this article at one point. and he seemed to get it, but on it went. mine was usually after he owuld leave the house. in stead or argue or talk things outm he would leave, not answer his phone, come home at one or two, and not talk to me for days. it was also use din conjunction with sexual deprivation for me. it made me feel like i was nothing. a ghost in the house. i was really curious to see how many of you had had this happen to you..
Oct 14 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

ExNarc had just moved in a

ExNarc had just moved in a week or two before, and I was still in the abasing myself to please him stage. I did something that displeased him, I barely remember what it was. But anyway, he did the silent treatment on me . . . the first time it EVER happened to me in my life. Maybe I was just lucky it had never happened before with any of my other doomed relationships. It brought me to my knees. I look back on myself now and am saddened and horrified at how it cut me down, how it hurt more than anything I think had ever happened. It's not just YOU, Fierflie, who has a deep seated need to be loved and payed attention to. We all have that need, it's part of being human. It is so important, in fact, that when someone does that to you, it is worse, in terms of damage to your soul, than hitting you or spraying you with verbal abuse. I am naturally pretty feisty, and after a few rounds of this silent treatment over the course of a couple of weeks, I FREAKED out and told him to get the fuck OUT of my house. I meant it. The relationship was over, in my heart. I called a friend and told her, and even sat down with my kids and told them. All this time we was locked in MY bedroom. The next morning, I was still fucking DONE. I couldn't believe in less than a month this man had turned into this absolute asshole, over NOTHING. He'd kept himself locked in my bedroom all night, and all morning. I had to get dressed in clothes out of the dryer and buy makeup on the way to work. So I'm getting in my car and suddenly, he appears, running out the front door. He crawls into my lap, and he is six four and I am five foot zero and weigh half his weight and he is crawling in my lap sobbing, begging me, apologizing, hating himself. He never did the silent treatment to me again, mainly because it didn't work the way he'd hoped it would. THat is the one time I always, always look back to . . . barely a month into the "marriage", when I was done with him and could have . . . should have . . . sigh. It is such a powerful memory of when I could have stopped that whole train, that I'll snap out of the fantasy and remember I stayed and stayed and stayed, and that was NOTHING compared to what came after.
Oct 14 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Silent treatment in the Land of Enchantment(?)

It's emotional neglect. I'd try to talk to the ex-Psych professor about one of his favorite philosophers, Wittgenstein, and he'd shut down. Junior year, I basically spent it asking if he had a companion (male or female, didn't matter, I wanted closure),he shut down. When I brought up that he had emotionally hurt me, he'd bark "move on!" and "let it go." It happened all the time. I'd call him, and it would take him awhile JUST TO ANSWER. If I called and left messages, he'd never call back. I'm pretty sure he was the one who'd call and NOT answer (then hang up)... but that didn't happen senior year because he didn't have my number. The silent treatment shows what emotional voids Ns/Ps are... not to mention intellectual ones. I could not have a philosophical discussion with a philosopher. Imagine that.
Oct 14 - 7AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Great article, thanks

thanks fierflie, great, i remember the technique so well, once when he did not like how I drove my car in a terrible rainstorm, when we go he slept on the sofa and did not say a word till morning- punishmnet to me for not letting him drive my car home. Then when i asked him to leave my place after so much emotional abuse for months,I could no longer take it, he gave me nearly 3 months of the silent treatment, just talked to me in polite terms when i talked to him, other than that buried himself in a book, it is ghastly and so painfully hurting to your soul and I did nothing wrong!! That is the saddest part of all. He never got the picture!!!!
Oct 14 - 4AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

great post

I get this kind of abuse all the time. Ty for perspective! XO