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Signs were always there!

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#1 Oct 14 - 10PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Signs were always there!

I realize that the dream that i held in my heart for my family was just that. My dream and my dream only! I had been with my soon to be ex-husband for 7 years. Looking back at everything i realize that i was always apologizing for everything. When ever "X" would get upset about something (usually me not agreeing with something that he wanted to do)and blow up and break something or punch a wall and storm out of the house and only to return like nothing happened and not ever apologizing for his bad behavior. I would get no kind of explanation other than i couldn't just leave him alone. I had to push his buttons. It was my fault for his outburst. For not following his script and challenging his superior intelligance.

I found myself apoligizing for everything. We were on our way to a a friends house for the superbowl when we ( the kids too)stopped at circuit city so he can check out the sales they were having do to them closing down and i had no proplem with that. But i had such a terrible headache that i decided to stay in the car with the kids. I figured that since we were going to be together i didn't have a reason to take my phone or purse with me. But because i wasn't feeling good i completely forgot to let him know. BIG mistake!! When he came back to the car after spending 15 minutes inside circuit city, I got chewed out!! He yelled at me in front of the kids. He said " What the F**k is the point of you having a F*#k!^g Phone whe you're not going to answer it when i F***en call you!! I felt soo small when he did that to me in front of the kids. I was humiliated! But he didn't see it that way! I was just a cry baby and cried about everything. He didn't apologize for it because it was my fault. I should know better than to leave my phone behind.

I ask myself why did i make so many excuses for him. No one ever knew that he behaved liked this. I kept his little secrets for so long. But now that we are divorcing i'm no longer keeping his dirty little secrets. I think it bothers him that people are finding out who he really is. But as always i feel like i want closure but i know i will never get it from him. Because to him, he never did anything wrong.

Oct 14 - 11PM
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

One story I tell others about how it’s never “their fault”

One time my ex N got into our van and drove over a ramp I made for my younger son to use on his skate board for jumps. After running over the ramp our friend who lived next door came out to see what all the yelling was about. After she had her bitch session, Herb told her how she blame my son for leaving the ramp there and when on to blame me to building the ramp for him, but never once blame herself for running over the ramp. Of course Herb did it in a joking manner but as we all know you don’t criticize an Narc even in a humorous way. She look at him with hate, got back into the van and drove away. Later after returning back home she never once brought the event up again and never once apologized for yelling at us in front of Herb. I realize that the dream that i held in my heart for my family was just that. My dream and my dream only! Boy can I relate to this statement and thanks for writing it! http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Oct 14 - 10PM
neveragain
neveragain's picture

I't's ALWAYS Either YOUR fault or Someone Else's

Narcissists have an insidious way of always making either YOU or someone/something ELSE the reason that they blow up. It's never THEIR fault....only YOURS. It's always a very difficult and slippery slope with them. You never really get your footing on solid ground. They keep you on edge all the time. They're loose cannons ready to go off at any little provocation. You are hopefully completely OUT of the relationship and are just now seeing the Aftermath of their destruction. I know eXACTly how you feel. Looking back on past behavior patterns only confirms the decision of GETTING OUT. Now....No Contact. That's crucial. neveragain
Oct 15 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Clear as Glass

Definitions of 'pathological' Dictionary.com · The American Heritage® Dictionary - (3 definitions) (adjective). 1. Of or relating to pathology. 2. Relating to or caused by disease. 3. Of, relating to, or manifesting behavior that is habitual, maladaptive, and compulsive: a pathological liar I remember always telling her a statement and a question throughout our relationships. 1) “There is always someone to blame isn’t there D” 2) “Don’t you even get tired of being wrong?” Before I learned about pathological traits it worry me that she never understood or question me about these points about herself that I would state over and over again. I never understood why she just didn’t get it. The day I learned about pathology was a day when so many of the pieces started to fall into place and finally gave me the answers I was asking and looking for.. Whenever someone truly understands pathological and accepts the many traits is the day one get transparency and personal closure. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Oct 14 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
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hurtandconfused

http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/going-to-start-posting-here-again/ http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/10/am-i-who-he-says-i-am http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-blaming.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 15 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
4joys (not verified)
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hurtandconfused

Good for you for having the strength to divorce and go on with your life without this abusive man. It feels good to tell the truth finally, doesnt it? Not apologizing is classic for a narc. They think they are perfect. Only we frustrating mortals make mistakes and mess up the little god's efforts to happiness. At first my N never said he was sorry. Then, because I pointed it out so much, he would say the words and just go on his merry way repeating the behavior. No empathy. No one tells a narc what to do. He pretends to listen and pretends to show concern. But it's all an act. I wish, like you, I could tell the truth to his kids and family. But he's cut us off from each other so we couldnt compare notes or hear each other's warnings. To each of us, he told horrible lies about the others. So we wouldnt like each other and he looks good and can continue his behavior. That's the main thing with them. To orchestrate people and things so he can continue his sick behavior.