sick_of_being_sick_and_tired's story

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#1 Feb 18 - 6AM
sick_of_being_s...
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sick_of_being_sick_and_tired's story

--- I'm new here

Hey guys! I am fairly new here. I've been reading a lot of your stories and learning a lot from all of you beautiful strangers. I am in the process of trying to cut my ExN out of my life. I truly believe that I am addicted and the withdrawals are absolute torture; my heart feels like it is literally going to burst from my chest, when I’m not with him.

My story is long, so bare with me. I’m sure more will be revealed in comments on other’s posts or maybe I’ll do a part2,3,4, whatever it takes to get it all out!!!

After my split from my fifteen year marriage with my Ex (drug addict)who cheated on me with our neighbor(and best friend), I was completely broken.I was a manager for a large health insurance company (been there 12 years),and making bank. My therapist couldn't believe I had held my job while I went through the hell I was living for so many years, with my ex. I hated being single (co-dependent) and my friend suggested an online dating site. I met a few guys online; some became lifelong friends. And then….. I met HIM. He was so HOT and young (25 and I was 37) and so full of life! We met at a local pub and played a few games of pool. He had just been laid off of his job, so he didn’t have much money in his pocket, and being that I was making good money, it didn’t bother me at all to pay for our drinks. Why would it? I was mesmerized and did not want the date to end! All of the words and attention that I hadn’t gotten from my ex-husband all of those years, I got from HIM within just a few hours of meeting him. He made me feel young again; he made me feel beautiful and appreciated. He said thank you and please and complimented me for everything I did. He made me feel like a queen. He was too good to be true! After that first date, we went back to my apartment to have some drinks and watch a movie. We had THEE most AMAZING, passionate, sex that I had ever had in my life! I woke up in the morning and he was running his fingers over every inch of my body and he said the magic words… “Wow, you are so sexy and I don’t believe that you are in your thirties. You have better skin than any twenty year old I know and you don’t look any older than twenty five.” Honestly, all that wasn’t completely bull-shit. I do still get carded at bars and even for a pack of cigarettes and I am told a lot that I look like I’m in my twenties. I do think that he meant it when he said all of that stuff, right?

After about six months of dating, he was still unemployed, and “couch surfing”, until he could get his own place. He stayed at my house a lot and I never wanted him to leave. Mostly, because I assumed that “couch surfing” meant staying with anyone who would let them sleep at their house, including women. I was attached and I didn’t want anyone else to have him. He finally asked me to be his girlfriend. It was so cute and sincere and I melted. Of course I agreed, and then he says, “So, I’ll stay at my parents, or friends, but stay here with you a lot too, until I get a job and get my own place.” My response was, “No, you can just stay here and once you get a job, you can pay half the rent.” He agreed and after a few weeks of waking him up every morning and sending him off, with a packed lunch, to look for a job, he got his union job back. His job paid as much as mind did, so we decided to get a house on the beach, where my daughter could still have her own room and his son would have his own room when he visited on the weekends.

We were in heaven and an instant happy family. Then, he lost that union job, due to drinking on the job, by December, and I was back to paying the entire rent while he sat on his ass and drank, and got high, for a couple months, till I finally was fed up and insisted on him getting his ass up every morning and look for a job. He lost a total of four jobs, none were his fault, within our three year relationship.

The first time he showed his true self was on Father’s Day. He had mentioned, several times, that he used to have a Leopard Gecko (Lizard) and his Ex girlfriend kept it (he left it) and he always wanted to get another one. So, I found a breeder and bought one. I got home and was so excited to give it to him. I brought the container the Gecko was in and placed it on the table in front of him. He opened it and was in awe that I would even get him a Father’s Day gift. He looked really happy and started to put the tank together. As he did that, he asked me where I got it from. I went on to tell him that I found a guy who breeds them and I met him to pick one out. His demeanor changed instantly; he looked at me as if I had just told him I was cheating on him. He started in with questions about the breeder I had met. “Was he good looking? Did he hit on you! Did you fuck him?!” I was in total shock!!! I felt so helpless as the accusations were thrown at me and my heart broke. I tried to defend myself and that made things worse, so I started to cry. He looked disgusted that I was even crying, when I was the one who messed up! After he finally calmed down and apologized for yelling. He explained that he needed me to tell him where I am and what I’m doing, especially if it’s “out of normal routine.” I didn’t even know how to respond, so I shook my head “yes”. This was NOT the type of relationship I was used to and I didn’t know if I would be ok with having to ask permission before I did anything. WTF??? This, of course was not an isolated incident. I was always very independent and unfortunate for me, I couldn’t/wouldn’t “SUBMIT!” Yes, he used that word a lot – “SUBMIT GIRL”! What am I? A Dog!!!

I was in trouble a lot. If I stopped at the grocery store, on the way home, or to get my hair done, without telling him first, I was being disrespectful. When I had to pick up my daughter from her dad’s house, I was accused of sleeping with him… My daughter was twelve when we started dating. She is an honor student and I’ve always sat and quizzed her on the nights before a test. This guy would throw a fit (literally), the entire time I was in my daughter’s room, talking to his self and throwing things around – I left him alone for too long and basically abandoned him. His explanation was always that he was looking forward to getting home and cuddling with me and all I do is avoid him. I’m like WTF! I was helping my daughter, we were in her room (upstairs), I told him it would be a while, and still, a total five year old FIT!!!

He was hot and cold. We were either in total bliss, or a total nightmare; there was never a middle ground. He would tell me that we were perfect together and that the only time we have problems is when there was outside interference. He said it so sweetly and desperately, and I wanted to make him happy, so I worked my schedule around him and made sure to tell him (when I remembered), before I did anything other than go to work.

Needless to say, I was unable to meet his expectations and he started in on “punishing” me (D&D?). My punishment would be, him driving off in a rage, and not coming home until the next day, but only after I apologized for being inconsiderate of his feelings. I would ask him if he cheated when he left like that, but he denied, stating “what do you think of me, I love you and wouldn’t cheat. I just had to get away from you, before things got ugly.” I decided to look at his cell phone records (this is beneath me) and I noticed a number that showed up consistently, on his text records, on the nights we fought. I called the number and it was his Ex before me. I told her who I was, and she knew all about me. She said that, yes, he calls or texts her when he’s mad at me, but she assured me that she never invited him over. She said he chose me, over her (discarded), and she finally gave up trying, once he moved in with me. She told me that the reason she left him, was that he caught him, in bed, with another girl at the apartment they lived in. They stayed “friends”, because there’s something about “HIM”, that is hard to let go of. She said that after their break-up and him stringing her along, while he was courting me, she had contacted his Ex-wife to find answers. Oh, did I mention that he was 18 when he married his 16 year old wife? She wasn’t pregnant, they waited a year after being married to get pregnant; they got married, because they were in love!!! Anyways, his Ex girlfriend and his Ex wife confirmed my fear; he didn’t think he was “cheating”, because “we were broken up”. Who thinks it’s ok that in a moment of a heated fight, and maybe telling him to get out, I’m so done with you, means that “we are broken up, therefore, it is ok for you to go stick your dick inside another woman and I will have to understand (if I find out), that we were broken up for that night?”

I kicked him out so many times, due to his rages, three times in which he actually took everything he owned (just enough to fill his truck). Each and every time, he had a girlfriend within days of our breakup. He of course would come visit me and would complain about his new girlfriend. He hated her (every one of them) and she is selfish and doesn’t do the things for him, that I did. Then, the compliments and apologizing – he didn’t know what he had with me, until he experienced how bad other women were. I fell for it every time! Like a freaking moth to a flame, burned by the fire.

So, after our final break-up in June 2012, he had been in a “serious” relationship with at least three girls, within a month. All in which he cheated on, with me. The current OW is a 23 year old girl. She let him move in with her, about two month after our break-up, and knew that he was in a serious relationship for three years, and that he was still friends with her (Me). This poor girl had no idea what she was up against. He was over my house every time he was mad at her, a couple times a week, and he would stay with me for days at a time, begging me to let him come back home. I was not willing to let him come back, he was a horrible boyfriend, but I let him come “visit” and we stayed “friends”. November 2012, I moved to a new place, with a roommate. I didn’t tell him where I lived., but I would still meet up with him. He constantly complained about his girlfriend, that she had no respect, she was a pathological liar, and he was miserable. He went on to tell me that she would smack him and beat him up when they fought (she is 5’ and he is 5’8”), and he had me hating her.

He called me one day, told me he’s had it, and needed to get out. I told him that I would help him and he could stay with me (I’d forgotten how horrible he was to live with), temporarily, till he got a job and got his own place (see the pattern?). He had no bank account, so his money was in hers, so he asked her to take him to the bank to withdraw his money. He told her that he loved her and wanted to work things out, so she went to the bank, withdrew the money, handed it to him, and he got out of the car and left her there. He called me and asked me to pick him up, so I did. I asked him how he got the money from her and he told me that he lied and she fell for it, and he left her there, and then… he laughed. I felt so bad for the girl. Did I mention that they are living together two blocks away from me?

So, I got a FaceBook message from this girl (OW), telling me that I was interfering with their relationship and that she wants me to step aside to give her a chance. My response was not very nice, being that he brain washing me into thinking she was a bitch and abused him. We exchanged a few messages and it stopped. Two months later (he was only supposed to stay with me for 2 weeks) she messages me again, telling me that he’s been seeing her and she didn’t know if I knew. I told her that we are not a couple and that I didn’t care what he did, I’m just helping him out (my heart was broken). I told him to leave, I was tired of being manipulated and lied to. He pleaded to stay, but I was sick of the double standards, him blowing up on me and calling me slut, whore, cheater, etc… if I talked to guys, but it was ok for him to be seeing his ex and anyone else he wanted. Uh, not gonna happen dude! Of course, I was too much drama for him, so he packed up his stuff, and moved his stuff right back into her house.

For the past three months, he’s been back and forth, from my house to the OW’s house. Literally, being kicked out and taking his stuff back and forth. She and I have become friends and he absolutely HATES it; although, at one point, he proposed that we three move in together, it would be more convenient than having to move back and forth between two houses.

We both, at one point, cut him off (NC) for approx 1 week, or so I thought (she had taken him back, but ashamed to tell me). We are both so over his bullshit lies, it’s become a joke. The only reason we let him back in, is (1) great sex and (2) he has nowhere else to stay and he’s broke, so we feel bad. Last week, I let him take me to Vegas, for four days. It was great, and when we came back into town, I thanked him and told him to say hi to (OW), when he gets to her house. She knew I was in Vegas with him, she didn’t care, and she was relieved that he wasn’t at her house. I had a great time, but was glad that when we got back, he would not be coming to my house, he would go back to being her problem.

It’s been 1 week since the Vegas trip, he’s been at my door, drunk and asking me to come in and stay the night, and I’ve not let him in. Each time, I’ve called (OW) to find out why he’s at my door, and it’s always the same thing… I kicked him out, because he’s being an ass. She says she’s moving to a new place and will not be telling him where she lives. She can’t move on, because he keeps showing up at her door like a lost little puppy and she caves in, just as I have. I’ve been ignoring his calls and texts, and knocks on my door for the past week, because when(OW) does move to her new place… and if she does go through with her plan to NC him, he will be at my door, proclaiming his love for me, and moving his stuff back into my house. I can’t have that! I need peace! I’m sick of being sick and tired! I’ve never been so insulted and humiliated and treated so badly. I’ve also never been so in love and infatuated with a person. I told (OW) tonight, that I don’t even think I love him anymore. It’s more like an addiction and the only way to get over an addiction is cold turkey. The reason I was talking to her tonight? She texted me about 1:30am telling me HE might be going over to your house to shower right now. My response was “HELL NOOOOO”.. so I called her and asked what the hell was going on?! She said she kicked him out, so she wanted to warn me that he would probably show up at my door. Not even two minutes later, he was knocking at my door. I ignored it and he left after 15 minutes. She and I stayed on the phone talking, and I shit you not, he drove back and forth at least 10 times, from my house to her house, and called and texted each one of us hundreds of times, and we just stayed talking and ignoring HIM. He finally decided to go to her back yard and knock on her window, crying and begging to let him in – it’s cold tonight. She finally said, ok, I’m going to let him in and let him sleep it off. He needs to leave tomorrow though. I wished her good luck (he’s never going to leave) and hung up.

I've been reading all of your posts for the past few weeks and it has helped me with this war that I am having with myself. I know I’m being used, I know he is not capable of loving me the way I love him, he will always be a cheater, I've allowed him to disrespect me, and he’s given me nothing but heart ache and pain. I have been ashamed of myself for allowing this to happen to the point that I don’t even talk about HIM to my friends, because it’s just too hard to explain why I’m so caught up on this guy. I am completely aware now, of what he is, and now I have the support (this forum) to help me through the tough nights ahead of me. Thank you all so much for being here. I can’t wait till the day that I can tell you all, that I am over HIM and have moved on with my happy life.

Sick_of_being_sick_and_tired

Feb 18 - 4PM
spinning
spinning's picture

I can totally see why

spinning

Feb 18 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
sick_of_being_s...
sick_of_being_sick_and_tired's picture

(not) spinning, I can't wait till I'm (not) spinning too!

Feb 18 - 8AM
sunny1973
sunny1973's picture

I can relate

Feb 18 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
sick_of_being_s...
sick_of_being_sick_and_tired's picture

Thank You, Sunny