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Should I tell the OW he's contacting me

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#1 Jul 9 - 2PM
djae
djae's picture

Should I tell the OW he's contacting me

I'm so angry today. xn has e-mailed me 3 times today after I have told him not to contact me anymore. I want to tell the ow so bad about all of the times he has called and e-mailed me. Should I do this? this has been over a period of 10 months. I'm so upset I'm shaking. He is trying to call me as I am writing this and I'm having a hard time concentrating. Please any advice

Jul 9 - 5PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

djae

Hi Djae here is a link that you may find helpful I listen everyday this one if on 'relief" because you know what Djae? sometimes its too big of a leap from going to what they have inflicted upon us to forgiveness hope this helps....there are others on relationships,happieness ..etc on the right hand side of this one here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOTCF8OBIJw&feature=related just seek "relief".... you are precious' be blessed k
Jul 9 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
djae
djae's picture

Thanks Girlsinger, I have

Thanks Girlsinger, I have bookmarked this after I watched and listened. It brought me to a calmer place for now. I need relief. It has been one of the longest days I've had in a long long time and I don't want another on like it if ever at all. Hanging on, Djae
Jul 9 - 5PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I'm so sorry he was like that

I'm so sorry he was like that towards your dog. :=( Ugh...they're disgusting. Really...that's the only word I can muster right now. BUT...IF IT WERE HIS DOG? Oh, you'd have to drop everything, no doubt. *eye roll* I think that you have everything you need before you to make the right decisions. Sometimes, we just are fearful of life without them in it. We have grown accustomed to the drama. To the chaos. To waiting for the other shoe to drop...we forget that life goes on without them. I have been there. I honestly can say, it gets better. There will come a day, when you will see his calls, roll your eyes, and just keep movin.' lol Trust me, you'll get there. Just keep resisting the temptation to pick the phone up. Resist the temptation to call the OW. THAT, I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER DO. Unless he's plotting to murder her, and you have evidence...then, you'd be saving a life. But, barring that? She won't believe you...and you'll end up kicking yourself for days. I think that at this point, we all come to a crossroads. The one road keeps us locked in turmoil, the other leads to freedom. But, the road to freedom isn't without its bumps. But, once you get past those bumps, you will feel better. You will feel victorious. Pray for him to find peace. Pray for yourself to find strength to stay silent. Pray pray pray. It is powerful. I honestly prayed for God to help me stay away from even lurking on the website we belong to...and guess what? It's working! If I can do it, you can do it. God bless...and stay strong.
Jul 9 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
djae
djae's picture

Thank You Deidre40, I really

Thank You Deidre40, I really need to pray and pray some more. I know I can't get through this without God's help and I feel like I let God down for even responding to him. I know in my heart that I should pray for his peace because I have done it so many times before when we were together. And you hit it when you said the road to freedom is bumpy. It sure has been a rough road for me these last 10 months. I know I am supposed to learn something from all of this. I believe their was a reason for him in my life and I was starting to find myself again until I fell for his lip service today. I was used to the chaos and drama and everything that went along with it. Maybe it was just too quiet for me today and what I need to do is learn to enjoy quiet and focus on getting my self esteem back. Hopefully I won't see his calls anymore. I just checked with my phone service and there is a $36 fee to change your number. I just found out I will be out of work after 8/26. I really don't have the x-tra $ to do this right now so I will just have to be strong and not answer it if it is him. Thank you for your words of encouragement and prayers. djae
Jul 9 - 4PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

First, you should change your

First, you should change your phone number or block him. Block him from email, etc. Truly. If you truly truly truly want him out of your life--then you have to seal off the gaps. Second, nothing good will come of you contacting the OW. He will make you look nuts, as they always make their ex's look nuts...but we know better now. lol And second, you will feel badly getting involved. And doubtful she'll believe you.
Jul 9 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
djae
djae's picture

I truly do want him out of my

I truly do want him out of my life. He has done some so many hurtful and hateful things to me. I still remeber the night before I found out about him cheating on me again. My 13 year old dog had a stroke and it was past office hours for the vet and his response to me was..You should have put her down a long time ago. Now we have to load her up in your car b/c I'm not putting her in my truck I don't want dog hair in it. She was a siberian husky and he didn't even help me get her into the car. He was so cold about the whole thing. He did go with me but when we got back he just turnd the tv on and acted like nothing had happened. I was crying in the bedroom and not even a word from him. I'm trying to be strong today but having a hard time. I just sat outside for a while and was reading a book on forgiveness. Couldn't focus on it as much as I would have liked to but just sitting outside seemed to help. I'm not going to contact OW. I would just be repaying evil with evil. You're right she probably wouldn't believe me anyway. Thanks for your insight. It has helped me get through another hour. djae
Jul 9 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
Brooke1
Brooke1's picture

djae

OMG! That must have been awful! sorry to hear about your dog (and his hideous reaction).How can they be so cold?!
Jul 9 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
djae
djae's picture

Honestly I don't know how

Honestly I don't know how anyone can be so cold and selfish,but what I'm learning here is that these men are just shells with no emotions. Only when someone hurts them personally do they react. It truly is all about them.
Jul 9 - 3PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

djae

Hi There precioua One First of all you didnt blow anything this is just what your journey looks like,right now you can choose to begin again. anytime you say so. .that is what is within YOUR power to do he is a narc he wants and needs to run you he is cannot live unless there is chaos and madness and is happiest when he is the cause of it. you are right it is a beauitful day, One that will never be repeated sweetie... you dont have to "feel" like it to go outside like Nike says "JUst do it" do it without 'feeling" like it do it because you deserve the sunshine the fresh air..this is YOUR summer Djae please..disconnect from the whole mess from him, the ow, Emailing her...all of it, it is an inferior "VIBRATION" gather back your dignity and the first step as you know is NC NC is not for them its for YOU so that you can establish a new "rythm" to you life a peaceful, rythm..your own rythm you have been tap dancing to his tune long enough you deserve more than "Im shaking" ..much more my deepest hope for you today is that you will avail yourself to all that is beauitful & harmonious the simple things.. a walk, smiling at someone that is having the worse day of thier life, sitting in the park with a book or a magazine..with a juice or a coffee even for 15 minutes and if you cannot or dont want to do that just take off your shoes open your door and find some grass and feel the grass under your feet re-establish your connection to the earth we have spent too long seeking the Narc as our "source" an N cannot be anyone's source as a force for good N's specialize in misery,agony, and sadism that is why he is talking about your new man when you dont have one because it is crazy making..just the way he likes it they are 6 years old mean, hungry, angry vicious 6 year olds in love with people places and things one second and always on the look out for the next "shiny" thing the pure psycic energy that the Narc reqiures to sustain life is "vampiric" in nature is insane all connected to them is disordered please djae disconnect from disorder call into your life...order, sanity, peace and all else that you CHOOSE is healing for you you are precious be blessed K
Jul 9 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
djae
djae's picture

Oh girlsinger you made me cry

Oh girlsinger you made me cry but in a good way. Thank you so much for your response and bringing me back to reality. You are right when you say he is 6 years old. That is what I felt like I was dealing with for so long. I'm going to take a cool shower and then take my Noah(my black lab) out for a walk. He is my best friend right now. I really havn't felt like this in a long time and I just don't want to go back to square one again. It's so hard to grasp that I was so in love with such a disordered person. I guess I really have to start looking from within again. I have such mixed emotions right now. Maybe the fresh air will help me sort them out. Thank you again so so much.
Jul 9 - 2PM
dazed
dazed's picture

If I had the OW's email I

If I had the OW's email I would be strongly tempted to forward them to her. At least email is some kind of objective proof of his contact. Telling her he is calling you might just make you sound like a crazy ex. Reality though is that the N is her problem to figure out. May be best to just be NC and he (hopefully) will stop contacting you.
Jul 9 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
djae
djae's picture

I feel crazy right now. When

I feel crazy right now. When I told him in a reply that I was going to tell her he said why would you want to make trouble for me? I'm not making any touble for you. He said I just want to make sure he is miserable. I can't believe him!! I thought I was doing a little better and I blew it by even responding to him. I feel horrible right now. I can't believe I loved him so much. He twisted everything around to make it seem like it was all me again. Started telling me he worries about me. Well he didn't worry about me when he was screwing around on me all those times. didn't worry about me when he moved in with his xw the day after we split. What a terrible day this has been. He is still telling me I hope your happy with your new man. I don't have a new man in my life nor do I want one at this time. I have too much baggage from him still. It's so nice outside and I don't even want to leave the house.