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Should have f***in known.. Narc 1 - Light 0

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#1 Jan 11 - 11AM
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Should have f***in known.. Narc 1 - Light 0

Ugh Bear with me ladies..

So.. end of November he got in touch.. after 5months NC my end, ignoring a previous hoover attempt in August i stupidly thought (?!) i could be strong and talk about the "demise" of our relationship and attempt closure?

Ha! True to Narc form, no accountability etc etc.

Turns out relationship with OW who he left me for/lined up was rocky he was thinkin of breaking up with her.

Cuttin to the chase, she hacked into his emails - as i did when i was with him and found his emails of how he misses me etc etc and other crap he was sending me.

Stupidly i met up for a coffee with him (i know i know)

He turned up with a Christmas present for me which i refused, i realised on my part by areein to the coffee not only had i broken NC i also had made myself "available" in his eyes - never again.

Christmas eve i explained i wanted nothing more to do with him.. he didnt listen...

Cue texts on Christmas day, stalkin me via Spotify and messaging me... all was quiet after i ignored.. then NYE texts, and audio messages for me.. i responded to wish him a Happy new year back (gah!).. he invited me over that night - i declined.

Anyway.. OW got back into the country after her Xmas trip back home to her folks.. have i heard from this guy since?..

Erm.. nope!.. lol

Reptilian f***s!

Breaking NC knocked me for six, i had to pick myself up yet again and re start my healing after five whole months of being strong.

I had yet again the dirty doubts of "Oh now OW is back, it will restart the honeymoon period as he hasnt seen her for three weeks, hes probably treating her great, blah blah blah"

Ladies i need a pick me up today, doing a lot better but i kick myself for reaching back out after he contacted me and undoing the hard work.

I know how he works, and seeing this gave me the greatest validation.. but please somebody tell me they dont change.. OW is gonna be in my size 7's.. and that i will move on and find a healthy Denzel Washington/ Nigel Barker husband one day lol

Love and Light xx

Jan 11 - 12PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Ok, you wanted the truth? The

Ok, you wanted the truth? The truth is that they don't change. That is good news. We don't have to figure them out, don't have to wonder, don't have to worry, don't have to wait for a miracle happening to them. They don't change. They are supply seekers, attention mongers, and empty vessels trying to lure consumables on board. They will re-use, re-abuse, haunt, stalk, disappear, move away, sulk, perster, annoy, call and hang up, send stupid messages, act like nothing bad ever happened....etc etc etc. It is in their Psychological DNA. They don't change. They find willing suppliers, the unawares like us who find something attractive in them. And their emptiness acts like a mirror, projecting back to the supply what the supply wants to see. Interesting phenomenon that creates a condition under which we get fucked royally, thinking all the while that things will work out well for us. They don't change. Like a fox making its rounds of the henhouses. It isn't that the Narc is patiently waiting for one specific outcome, instead they are working their empty magic daily in all of their affairs....searching for supply. A hungry Narc is a dangerous Narc, beware all who mingle near an emotional vacuum! They don't change. That is their power, their relentlessness. To them it isn't personal, it's business, and the business is about supply. They don't change. What they did to us they will do to the next one...it may look different...but it will be about their need, their sickness, their agenda, their selfishness...the mask will always fall eventually. They don't change. We do. We get educated. We get validated. We get healthy. We get safe. We get peace. We get awareness of how much we had given up to be with them, and how priceless it is to have those things back. Esteem, self respect, gratitude, emotional safety...these things are priceless, and will never be found with a Narc. ds
Jan 11 - 2PM (Reply to #18)
Run4it
Run4it's picture

Agreed!!

Slam Poetry Done Sourcing! love it :)
Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #17)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Done Sourcing

This is an amazing post! Dead on and so very truthful! I always enjoy reading your posts, but must say, this one has the makings of a "blog" I hope the Mods find a permanent home for it! This should be referenced daily by everyone. Well done, Done!
Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #16)
kungpowcat
kungpowcat's picture

thank you....I needed to hear

thank you....I needed to hear this now, too. xoxoxo
Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #15)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Done Sourcing..

Thank you for those words of encouragment you are right, we do change. We learn from the experience. Honestly my Narcdar is so tuned up now that i can spot them from a mile off, even ones my girlfriends are dating/married to. Thank you x
Jan 11 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Hi, light, I am so happy to

see you check in, though I am so sorry for the reason. Here's the good news: You already KNOW the OW is not "getting it good" or "better" than you because throughout the whole time he's been with her he's e-mailed YOU and she KNOWS IT. She's in your size 7's alright...confused, in pain, in fantasy land belief that her eyes aren't seeing what they're seeing and haven't seen what they've seen. She's you except she doesn't know exactly what he is yet. She's you several months ago before you saw the "Light" and decided to go NC on his sorry ass. Whatever, try to let it go. You know what she's in for and it isn't pretty. Don't entertain thoughts that it's any different when you KNOW OTHERWISE based on his OWN ACTIONS!! Light, you are a strong, smart woman. Focus on that and you will get the strong, smart, non-disordered man you desire and deserve. Kick the freak OUT of your life and out of your head for good and forever. Sweep out the garbage so the good stuff can enter. Hugs to you and high five for bouncing back. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. I REFUSE TO. THE SICK M'FER ISN'T WORTH THE ENERGY OR THE EFFORT

spinning

Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Thank you Spinning ..

Definately have to let go, ive technically already "seen" she isn't getting it any better due to his behaviours. Sometimes i don't feel so smart lol.. but hopefully in time. Hugs and a hi5 back to you, your words come at the right time x
Jan 11 - 11AM
Used
Used's picture

light

NO HE WON'T CHANGE FOR HER OR FOR ANYONE.... He came back to you when she was out of the country, does this sound like he has changed? as for breaking NC....just get back on the horse....its a new year...NEW NC....
Jan 11 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Lol Used

Your totally right, i think sometimes i need people to point out the "obvious" for me. Yup New Year - NC xx
Jan 11 - 11AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Light

5 to 6 months of NC is typically When a Narc attack occures .. Happened to me .. I didn't get a nice attack .. The Devil himself surfaced... Ok let's turn lemons to lemonade .. Let this be your closure.. You will find that recovery time from this attack will be less ... Get it in your head.. He is DEAD to you.. Lose his number and continue your journey to freedom.. It's Delete,Delete,Delete.. From here forward.. Hunter
Jan 11 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Thank you Hunter..

Every word noted, determined to not let him take anything else away from me in 2012.. One question Hunter, is the Hoover time 5/6months because thats also the time things start to "sour/mask slips" with OW? Even though i "know" much better.. i just need to loose the CD and also the thoughts of "Gee OW is getting it good right now" :-| that sometimes creep into my head.. x
Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

It's documented that they

It's documented that they cycle every 3 to six months.. Trying to figure out the shit they do and why is a waste of time.. Spend quality time enjoy your life minus this freak.. Trust me OW got fucked over too.. These freaks have mommy issues which leads to commitment issues. Hunter
Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Always on the money Hunter...

Yup Mommy issues galore.. so this means i can breathe easy for another 3months until he tries to hoover me again? Jesus Christ... hes blocked from FB and has been since the split in June.. his number is no longer in my phone and i dont reach out/call him.. would rather pull my eyelashes out one by one... Thank you x
Jan 11 - 11AM
kungpowcat
kungpowcat's picture

Everyone wants closure and

Everyone wants closure and the validation that the Narcs were the assholes, so I understand that need. Just pick yourself up and move forward. (I was 4 months out NC when I weakened...one thing, going NC again is easier this time.) xoxoxo
Jan 11 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

Thank you KungPowCat

Thanks for taking the time to read, yes i do feel its easier this time round r.e NC - Thank God! lol For me its the literal realisation of being an "old toy", picked up over Christmas because new toy is out of the country and as soon as the new toy gets back.. im boxed and shelved for a rainy day?... I have news for him.. that rainy day will turn into a sh*tstorm of silence if he ever tries to dig me out again.. lol Loving your name btw! So Kickass! x
Jan 11 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
kungpowcat
kungpowcat's picture

Yeah, I got suckered in over

Yeah, I got suckered in over the stupid xmas holidays too, with pleas of I miss you, I love you and I apologize, and blah blah blah, and my intention was to get closure, but within a few email exchanges and a phone call later, it was like YOU always do this. contact me and .....and I'm like ME CONTACT YOU? I replied to you! And my head starts spinning again and it's like, FUCK YOU. I am fighting the urge to tell him FUCK YOU, because this time I didn't send a drama filled email/text saying don't contact me. I just left it. But I really wanna go off on him...some MAN you are!!! baby man!!! thanks! I love my kick ass name too! LOL NO MORE CONTACT for either of us!
Jan 11 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
LightAtTheEndOf...
LightAtTheEndOfTheTunnel's picture

*Shakes angry fist*

Damn those Christmas holidays lol.. such a vulnerable time :-( Can more or less relate to everything you've said and i aslo wanted to send a drama filled email outlining x,y and z but i decided against it.. because all he will hear is dolphin squeak anyway *rolls eyes*... No no il leave this mess to OW.. wondering how he managed to explain and make things right with her though after she busting him by reading his emails.. oh .. actually.. hang on.. i was that girl once.. and i took him back... Narcs are good... :-|
Jan 11 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
kungpowcat
kungpowcat's picture

they are. Honestly, I hung

they are. Honestly, I hung around about 6 months longer than I should have. I knew deep down, but I couldn't figure out how to get out, you know? And then, I just did it. Just said, don't contact me again. I've got revenge and wanting him to suffer on my mind, but I know eventually that will fade and I won't give a fuck one way or the other about him. He always told me, (he) would end up alone forever and that is exactly what I hope happens to him.