shock and awe.some's story

Classic when he tried to say that "you weren't getting along before he left"(and this was news to you). And then all of his complaints to follow. What a freaking coward for him to make all of those things up. None of those things were true. You know that right? NOT YOUR FAULT! He IS absolutely APPEARING sincere to insure the return of his things. I guess if I were you I would have your friends and family help pack all of his things (and not AS NICELY as he requested). To hell with his stuff being babied by you. Just get his stuff out of there, have somebody else contact him to let him know where he can pick up his things. Drop ot off with a "friend" or family member of his, or whatever you can think of. As far as retreiving YOUR things from him, I guess all you can do is have whoever talks to him on your behalf say that you are nicely returning his things...and that "since he is such a nice guy, you know he'll do the same for you". If you feed his lil ego by lying and calling him a "nice guy", you could possibly manipulate him in to actually returning your things. Narcs HATE being exposed to your family and friends as the bad guy, so he might actually live up to the "nice guy" image you gave him (for appearances sake) . I'm not all that experienced but I just went through the same thing of getting his things back to him and had to plan it out pretty carefully as to avoid any vengeance from him. ;) A big P.S. So (I AM a hypocrite as I'm still struggling with No contact), but just today I tried expressing to my "N" that he'd totally duped me and my family and that I'd seen through all of his lies and that he should "probably" deal with his porn addiction (duh)and that he may want to seek counseling. I'd mentioned nicely in the past that I could sense he has a very big void inside and that counseling would be a good way to deal with his "injured inner child". OH! NO NO NO NO! It was like he didn't hear a word I said. He turned around and told me about how ugly I was in the marriage and what a horrible wife I was and that he treated me like gold, and how dare me be so ungrateful, blah blah blah! As painful as this is, it is completely pointless to confront a Narc. He has zero flaws. Everything is "your fault", and he "will find a woman who will appreciate" his awesomeness. But if it would help you to vent just the one time, I'd say go ahead. We are being told that no contact is the best way to go. That's something I'm struggling with a ton because I am a fighter. Crappy though, my standing up for myself will get me no where with a narc. I can relate to: "Took me to very exotic places, spent lots on me, gifts, cars etc." "He does not have any close male friends." "rage at trivial things" "He did not like to talk about his feelings." "He always had trouble putting feelings into words." "He said he wanted to make a home with me and would never cheat on me." "Married 2x" "He went to all my family functions and adored my mom and kids."

He knows he fooled them and you. He has known that all along, you don't need to tell him. It is nothing new to him. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It is such a terrible form of betrayal. Hard to wrap around your head what just happened. I was there, almost 2 years ago, and it isn't easy. Eventually, you will come to terms with it all. Unfortunately, your man is a narc. It would appear he suffers from RCD, repitition compulsive disorder. He keeps repeating his relationships. He will not be as easy going as he first appears to be. He is still attempting to be the charmer, even in his dismissal. I believe, the moment it doesn't go his way, his true colors will shine through. Put his stuff "neatly" in his trailer and ask him to leave yours "neatly" at your neighbors, friend, family members house. Continued contact would be a grave mistake at this point. I'm so sorry, this is all very painful, I know. Stay strong. You re with friends here. :)