"She is so Intelligent and Substantive...this is why I have introduced Daughter 11 to her"

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#1 Oct 21 - 8PM
missym
missym's picture

"She is so Intelligent and Substantive...this is why I have introduced Daughter 11 to her"

Today in mediation, we continued with the issue why he insists on exposing daughter 11 to his new girlfriend...when we are not even divorced yet, and from daughter's perspective, he just left about 2 months ago.

After bringing it up last week, he threw a folder at me and the mediator had to have him leave the room because of the narc rage he exhibited for my temerity in bringing up that having daughter along on his dates was not good for her and why can't he just spend the days he has with her, alone with daughter, which is what SHE needs.

So after his sessions yesterday with his own psych (who apparently told him all is A-OK in bringing daughter along on his dates)and hte child therapist daughter will start going to next week, he happily confessed that both "agreed" there was not problem with this. I know for a fact that the child therapist did not tell this this. But...

OH yeah...and he said "I have asked daughter if she is bothered by going along (with us)....and she says "No daddy, its ok"....Well of course...She would tie herself to his car if it meant that she had to NOT see him. FUcker.

So...he brought it again today, and when I and mediator continued to ask him to refrain until daughter has a chance to see the therapist and get a read on her emotional state....he goes into his "reasoning" as to why he does it.

New woman is "so intelligent and substantive"....that she is NOT at all like the stereotypes one sees about "step parents and dates" from dads...and I think introducing her to this now prevents her from LOOKING at "me" in a negative way in that way.

The funny, sad and truly pathetic part of this is that I KNOW her. Have for years. She is NOT some intellectual or substantive woman...she inherited her money from parents, has never worked, created anything and lies by the pool, works out, goes to teh salon and dumps HER own kids off at her ex's whenever it is inconvenient.

The irony here....to be completely honest. I fact, I AM the intelleigent and substantive one. I am a substantial woman and have achieved many things in my life, built a beautiful "home" for my family, have many, many friends, shun shallowness, and am loved deeply by colleagues, friends and family dating back to my childhood.

Why do you think he would propose this as his "reason"....its odd if you knew her, and if you knew him...who actually was resentful and envious of my "successes"....

Why NOW would he need to propose that this woman is actually "not" as she is at all? Very intersting to me....

Oct 21 - 9PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

How tp unscramble a scrambled

How tp unscramble a scrambled egg! Narcs say the dumbest things. Do the dumbest things. Actors on their personal stage. I struggle with the kid thing as well. The exwn is disordered, so things come up with my kid all the time. But my daughter is well adjusted, considering the live she has to live. I got her evaluated, she has excellent grades, has many good friends whom I like, participates in extra-cirrucilar activities, and has a typical almost teen attitude! The attitude I could do without sometimes, but she is normal as can be expected. I've only slipped a few times and trashed her mom, and I give myself a big break on that. It has been rough to handle sometimes, but we persevere. He is a narc missym, so all's fair to him. Get used to it. Establish boundaries wherever possible. My therapist helped me with this alot. Never diss him to your daughter, she will never forget it. She will learn how selfish he is all by herself. Even faster now that you won't be there to cover for him. That is what I did when the n and I lived together. I ran interference all the time. Exhausting. And I tought it was my job. Now it is not my job. I had to let that go. Now I love that I don't have to do that anymore. My kid is handling it just fine. Occassional comments from ny daughter about how her mom this and her mom that, I tr to let her vent without remark by me. I do well, not perfect. It is a fine line, best to just let her know that she can be safe with me. Your head will lie to you and tell you that his new "family" will be attractive to your child. It will be what it is. But with a narc involved, it will be testy and awkward, and she will tell you of it soon. Let it be. Keep posting and reading, and good luck! ds
Oct 21 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Froglegs
Froglegs's picture

Exactamundo.

I agree with all of this because I've dealt with it, too. XNH and I split when my daughter was 10. He literally told me he could not live without a woman. The kiddo and I were at a bbq right after the split. He showed up, asked me to sign a handwritten "waiver" stating he was allowed to see other women and I'd not file for adultery, totally ignored our child, and took off to get laid. He has introduced her to several women. He cheated and dumped one my kid actually liked because the woman was "not affectionate" enough. The woman he's been with for the past 5 years is trash, but my daughter has prevailed. She's 16 now. Children are quite receptive. They observe everything, especially as they mature. Be your daughter's rock. Don't trash talk. She will do it all on her own as she gets older. When she does, you can agree. That's ok! You know she'll be right in her judgement and she'll appreciate the validation. I'm totally understanding what you're going through. It sucks big time, but it will be ok. :)