shazza060969's story

5 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jan 12 - 8AM
shazza060969
shazza060969's picture

shazza060969's story

Mask on .... Mask Off....

I having been on this site for a few months now and only now I am ready to tell my story. I have endured 7 yrs of being played, having the ST and constant D&D with a few crumbs along the way just to keep me hooked!

Straight from the very off (about 3 weeks into the relationship) i felt 'something wasn't right, so I ended it, but he came back 2 days later begging for another chance. I was in a vunerable state having just been in a short realtionship of about a yr with another Narc, where i got pregnant to him very quickly and he fled when my son was 5 weeks old, back to his mummy!!! - The first PD partner was diagnosed after he left me as having histronic personality disorder. At this point I thought my life was over, who would ever want me and a new born baby. Enter Narc 2 when son was 18 months old.

After ignoring my gut instinct at 3 weeks, everything went alond amazingly, thought I had found the man of my dreams! How wrong! I told him my life story right up front (never do that again!) only to have it thrown back at me a few months later. The name calling was something I had never expereinced before in my life and I had to phone my friend in hysterics the pain from it was so bad... little did I know this was just the start of it.

I am 42 yrs old, with a great job, fab car, own my own house, great family, lots of friends, size 10 and have been told I am very attractive. I am a really extrovert person and love talking to new people - My motto is that you have something new to learn from ever person you speak too. These are all the qualities that attracted him to me in the first place... qualities that he would later use again me - i was flirting, should just be interested in him and giving my time to him and not talking to anyone else, I was looking for attention, etc etc!

When I first met him he was working as a roofer for a small company but had decided to start up his own company. He lived with his mum ( he was 29 at this point), so within a month of meeting me had moved in with me.

The company went well for about 2 yrs, but as a typically Narc ignored tax bills, had constant fights with everyone he worked with - dictator style leadership! He lived with me bill free, rent free for 4 years as I supported him with the start up of his company. Eventually the company collapse and he was left with huge debts, he asked me to take out a £20,000 loan, which I refused. My credit rating score is as good as you can get and my gut instinct screamed out no - thank god I listened to it at least on that occassion. Anyway the arguments continued and he would disppear for days on end, mostly back to his 'mothers' . I put mothers in invertered commons because this was actually a 4 bedroom town house he had bought on an occassion when we had spilt up that he mother was now living in. She left his dad after finding out he had been having a 10 yr affair (his dad i guess was an alcoholic narc)and had moved herself and belonging into his. As his business became more successful, he told me he could not contribute anything to the bills or mortgage as he was paying for his own house ie he was paying to support his mother! his mother at this point started treating him like her husband where he would often give her great sums of money and treat her to hoildays. What did I get NADA!!

This D&D went on for another 5 yrs and in the internim, he went to a friends wedding in America (I couldnt get time off of work), texted me from America telling me he wanted to get engaged when he came back 3 days later. I was on top of the world! The bottom very quickly fell out of that world when the next next and for the 2 days after that I could not get a hold of him, he had turned his phone off. I found out on the last day that he had gone off with a friend of ours to Miami for 2 days and they had started seeing each other!! OMG!!

After he got back he denied it of course, they slept in separate beds and went as friends .. yip of course! The traingulation began. I went NC for about 2 weeks, then the hoovering began...begging pleading me to him to him, all the time he carried on seeing her. He told me he wanted to get married and have kids and he did not think thats what I wanted and it wasn't .. something was always telling me something wasnt right but again i ignored it. I gave in, took him back after he promised it was the biggest mistake of his life and he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me... well that lasted about a whole 4 weeks. That was 4 1/2 yrs ago and thats the point I should, in hindsight (what a wonderful thing!) got out but no, in again I went. The abuse got worse, the dissappearing became more frequent!! It was a living hell!!

Before I came to this website, i used all the phrases to my friends that you all describe when being in a 'relationshio' with a Narc - i was walking on eggshells, i felt like I was living with 3 children not 2! my head was constantly spinning! Every behaviour that most woman described applied, ST, mother issues, angry and aggression. He never ever hit me, but did restrain me, hit and made holes in the house walls, he used to turn the anger on himself and beat himself and I mean really beat himself around the head and face. It terrified me, he gave himself black eyes and bruises - I have never seen anything like this in my enitre life, he even did it in front of a close friend once!

Moving on to this year... He started another company this year and in Oct this year became a multi millionaire. In Nov he came home ( he now lives in London in a pent house suite most of the week, comes home to give me crumbs, shouts and leaves) to tell me that he knew I wasn't happy and that we should spilt up... projection... he wasn't happy... He still wanted me to go to his companies christmas night out as all our friends were going which was 6 weeks later. I went NC again which lasted about a week, I still held out hope that we would get back together - WHY??

so 4 weeks apart, then we meet at an event he was not meant to be going to to, asks me to go to 'his mums' as she was away and remind me that we were going snowboarding 2 weeks later! I told him no and no and went home alone. He called to see where i was and I took the battery out of the phone. He left for London the next morning at 8am which was very unusual but thought nothing of it. I saw him again at his Christmas Party, he had booked me a separate room so I could stay with the rest of them overnight. We ended up together that night, he wanted to stay an extra night at the hotel, we booked in for an extra night and around 7pm the D&D started again. 'we will never be together in the future' 'I care for you but don't love you anymore' ' I am happier now, I don't have to put up with your nagging! I never nagged as I was too scared to rock the boat!

We left the hotel around 8pm that evening and I asked him if he wanted to come and stay at mine, 'no, we can't do this again. He went from idealization to D&D in 10 hours!
He came on Christmas Day to see my son with his presents and told me he was going on hoilday the next day on his own. 0n New Years Day I found out that he has being seeing someone for about 10 weeks, thats why he finished it and had taken her to his football box and introduced her to his 2 brothers there! He was also away on hoilday with her for 2 weeks to Sri Lanka! His friends and family knew.

I have not heard from him since Christmas Day and I will never talk to him again .. this is the first time I have ever been angry with him but this has given me the closure I need and have now been NC for 17 days!

I have just booked a carribbean cruise with a friend and just won a lovely bonus at work so willing be taking the kids on hoilday once the school hoildays come round. He is nothing but a disgusting, repulsive piece of shit, who deserves and will get nothing more from me.. I feel so sorry for her as the mask is still well and truely on .. but not for me.

This site has been a god send and honestly dont know what I would have done without it. It has shown me they can't change and we don't matter so why should he matter to me. He has given me the greatest gift he could ever have given to me.... he has given me the gift of my life back!!!!

NC all the way!!!

Jan 30 - 12AM
LearninToDanceI...
LearninToDanceInTheRain's picture

shazza060969

Diddo to your last paragraph. We are so lucky to have found this site AND to have been able to recognize that we were dealing with an "N". Unfortunately there are women out there who may never understand that they're dealing with a "Narc". So glad for both of us that we joined this site!
Jan 30 - 2AM (Reply to #4)
shazza060969
shazza060969's picture

Thanks

Thank God for huge mercies> i would still be spinning if i didnt find myself here!
Jan 29 - 10PM
LearninToDanceI...
LearninToDanceInTheRain's picture

A story we can all learn from...

And I LOVE YOUR TITLE! lol
Jan 18 - 8PM
Hope
Hope's picture

Welcome....

Welcome to the site, shazza060969, you were dedicated for sure, but you are still young, 42 is young, I'm just learning about this stuff now and I'm ten years older, I knew my first husband was ill, he's an N, but now I have the formal diagnosis. Well I hope yours goes broke!!!!!!! The tables will turn, focus on what's important now you and your children!!!!!! Best of luck in recovery :) Hope.