Why am I still struggling?

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Apr 12 - 2PM
Domo
Domo's picture

Why am I still struggling?

I have known this women for years from work, we were friendly and last year she started to contact me more often so we went for lunch in which she told me how her husband of 22 years who she is separated from had a second life with another woman which was devastating to her, she also told me she moved on and had a boyfriend who she left for cheating on her too. So many red flags on that lunch (told me she stayed with him for convenient sex, very materialistic, horror stories about her exes, etc).
2 days after that lunch she wanted to visit me and we ended up in bed. Our relationship after that moved incredibly fast: sex, attention, texts, sexy pics, calls, e-mails... this woman is incredibly beautiful with a perfect body (more than one plastic surgery), I always had a crush on her so I felt like being the luckiest man alive at the time.
5 weeks in to the relationship she came home crying and told me her husband abuses her whenever he has an argument with his mistress, she told me she was planning on leaving the state because she was terrified of him. I own a house and second car so I told her she (with her daughter) can move in with me, that weekend she moved in and we spent the next month living together and this is when my gut feelings started to drive me crazy. Something always felt off or not right.
She kept complaining about her ex boyfriend and her husband every day so I started to feel like a rebound. She never stopped communication with either of them even though she said early in the relationship she was going to change her number. She would say things that made me think twice as "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" when joking around or "don't make me lie to you if you're going to get mad" when I got upset about her ex constant texting. A couple of times I noticed strange markings on her body.
One morning She told me frantically that her ex boyfriend was going to show her husband some revealing pictures of them and tell him everything, I convinced her to give me his number, when I called and confronted him we started talking (after all the F bombs and childish arguments), she left him only 2 weeks before targeting me, she told him she was going to leave him for a "good guy" and "looks" didn't matter to her. He also asked me if I ever noticed strange marks on her, she at the time confessed to him that she still slept with her husband. So after I talked to him I got home and out of nowhere she showed me a text supposedly from him that he would not bother her anymore and that I was a really good guy (later I realized she wrote that text to herself so I would back off the topic). That night she suddenly had plans with her daughter and left the house, by the time she came back I was drinking because my inner voice kept yelling at me that something was wrong and I didn't know how to cope and I asked her to leave.
She assured me that she understood things moved way too fast but wanted to stay together... she would stop by some Fridays and leave either that night or before the sun came out, disappeared over the weekend and texts/calls would stop at night, I also received a romantic birthday card except it was meant for her husband and sent to me by mistake. I confronted her about it about a week after and she put the blame on me for not telling her sooner.
I really tried to keep this short but I guess venting gets the better of me, I feel sometimes a lot of relief, I dodged a bullet but sometimes I doubt myself and think I should have never kicked her out, maybe we could have had a real relationship... if you're going to reply or comment please be blunt and completely honest about it, thank you for reading.

Apr 14 - 12PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Domo

Apr 14 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Domo
Domo's picture

Thank you