married and fell for a narcissist

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#1 Aug 23 - 10AM
CatherineRed's picture

married and fell for a narcissist

I am new to this site and hope that it is going to help give me the tools to get out of the worst situation I have ever been in - I read the book 'The Path Forward' yesterday and felt it could have been written about me and the narcissist I fell in love with. I feel like a light just went off.
My story is, I was happily married with a beautiful family and met a man 25 years older, charming, rich, powerful, handsome, charismatic - I fell for him hook line and sinker. This happened 3 years ago. He told me how amazingly fabulously wonderful I was, I bought in to it and we started an affair.
I didn't honestly realize until I fell in to this book yesterday that this man was a narcissist. I thought that it was just me. I was never 'this enough' or 'that enough', one minute he was madly in love, desperate to see me, talk to me, have me, own me....and then, total rejection, cruelty, unkindness, insults, witholding affection, I could go on and on....the texting became (is) addictive, the sexting, his completely weird sexual fettishes and fantasies, I felt I had to go along with them or would lose him. He abuses me verbally one minute and then is the sweetest kindest nicest person in the worls the next. I feel like a total fool, I can't believe I actually believed I meant something to him, I obviously didn't (don't).
He doesn't know yet that I have literally just figured this out. Sadly, I am still half obsessed, in love, infatuated with him and need to figure out how to extracate myself but I at least feel like after reading the book there is hope.
And having at least realized that I am just a pawn in his game, I feel as though I have some power back.
Its just what to do next. He is on vacation and will be back in a few days. I need to get my life back so badly but am ashamed to admit I still love him. But at least I now want to get away from him, just have to figure out how.

Aug 23 - 4PM
Fearless's picture

Hello CatherineRed