mandimc's story

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#1 Sep 21 - 2PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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mandimc's story

I think I'm just discovering my husband's a narcissist and I am so overwhelmed...

I don't even know where to begin really. I have only been married two years...two very tough years. Everyone says, "the first year or two is always the hardest, hang in there and it will work itself out."

Well I'm hanging in there, but I'm starting to think something else is going on. Which is when I started looking up some of my husband's characteristics and eventually ended up here, hoepfully a place where I can get some answers.
Shortly after we were married my husband changes. He become short-tempered, critical, impatient and obsessed with money and success. I wrote it off as stress from moving to a new apartment and starting a new job and joining our lives together.

There is so much that I could say obviously, especially because I am feeling so emotional today after having experienced one of his "lingering rages" yesterday.

In the past two years my mom has become seriously ill, my Dad was caught in some lies, mainly his addiction to porn and a very serious debt that my mom knew nothing about, my brother is a drug addict and a manic depressive and my sister had a pregnancy scare. It has not been an easy year or two for my family. So I started blaming my husband's reactions on myself, because I was going through something and was exhausted emotionally. But I was hurt by his lack of empathy through it all. He had the attitude of "everyone's families are screwed up, so what?" This really hurt as I really needed his support through this.

Last week I came across a page on facebook for a guy who used to be my friend a few years ago. It was a memorial page for him as he apparently committed suicide 2 years ago. I was sad and had a little cry because I didn't know he had passed. And I needed to have a moment of grief for him and his loved ones. My husband was on the computer playing video games. He asked what was wrong and when I told him, he said, "That's sad." and then went back to playing his video games. A few minutes later he turned around and said, "We should take the dogs out, I want to go to bed soon." I said, "Ok just give me a minute." He said, " Why? What are you doing?" When I told him I was leaving a message on my friend's memorial page he said, "Oh...well hurry up, we should take the dogs out." I started to cry again and asked him where his compassion was. This pissed him off and he didn't speak to me for the rest of the night.

Yesterday I was in the washroom and noticed we were on the last bit of the roll of toilet paper. My husband had mentioned a few minutes earlier that he was going to "poo, shower and then head into work". So after I was done in the washroom I called to him from the hall and mentioned that we were almost out of toilet paper and could he please conserve it as much as possible since I wouldn't be able to pick any up for a couple of hours. He yelled back from the bedroom that he hates when I am so critical of him and he really doesn't appreciate it. I went into the bedroom where he was masturbating (he does this openly at least once a day without pornography). I told him I wasn't criticizing him, just asking him to save me some toilet paper until I could go get some (he never thinks about things like that and will always use the last of anything without ever replacing it). So when I saw he was masturbating, I said I have to take the dogs out to the bathroom, we'll talk about this later when you're finished jerking off. He went into a rage and told me to "Go F**K myself!" and " Go stay with your Mom".

When I got back in from taking the dogs on their walk he was gone to work. And when he came home he wasn't speaking to me. And hasn't for 24 hours. Except for 1 text message in which he told me, he wouldn't be able to go with me to my mom's house for MY BIRTHDAY after all because he's too busy with work. I know he's just doing this to hurt me.
There have been so many stories similar to these in the past two years..and the last year has been especially bad.
I am the type of person who strives to see good in everyone.

And I do love him but I can feel myself shrinking away. I have always been strong, self assured, and confident in who I am as a woman. And now I am sad, doubtful, isolated and lonely. I feel like I live for the good times, but am always subconciously waiting for "the other shoe to drop".
I guess I just need advice and answers. What should I do. Does it sound like my husband has NPD? Something has to change...I need to change.

Sep 21 - 4PM
dolce (not verified)
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He masturbates in the open

He masturbates in the open at least once a day?!? Can you get yourself into counseling? This is 2 years too many it sounds like to me. ~Free to Be~
Sep 21 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
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mandimc

Welcome... - Get Lisa's book - go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. - read our blog: http://allabouthim.com - chock full of articles about Ns and healing - listen to our free radio show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabout him Get into counseling ASAP. Yours sounds like a total sicko... get away from him! Quietly make an appt with a TOUGH divorce lawyer ASAP and get your therapist to help you develop a plan to leave safely.