It's so hard to accept that it wasn't real

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#1 July 14, 2017 - 3:16pm

It's so hard to accept that it wasn't real


I spent 9 years of my life loving someone that I thought loved me too, I am still in denial that I was with a narcissist, but everything I read about it is exactly how he was. I am left feeling so alone, worthless and like loving him was for nothing. How can it even be possible that someone is impossible to feel and love the way we do. I am so devastated by all of this and I feel like I spent two years of my life with the back and forth roller coaster. It seems so easy for him while i cry and suffer daily. I am sure when they go silent that is when they are looking for their next victim. I feel a sting in my heart and stomach that this can be true. I feel foolish and so sick to my stomach that it was all lies to fill his endless needs. This is my first time online discussing this b/c i don't even know what else to do. I wanted to give up so to hear from people that are going through it too i am hopeful that this will help me. I am desperate for the pain to go away and I want someone that understand everything I feel to speak to.

Thank you so much, I truly appreciate it!


July 15, 2017 - 5:13pm


Thank you for braving your story. I know it wasn't easy for you to do as I can so feel your pain in your words. I experienced all the same kinds of emotions you are going through; I imagine many of us here can relate. I truly get it when you say you are "desperate for the pain to go away" and remember physical heart pain for the first few weeks after my break from the narcissist. Please know this; You Are Not Alone. You are worthy of love and so much more, so lets not let "worthless" enter our thoughts here. Crying a lot is something most of us go through with these traumatic situations; its a release and its ok to let the tears flow. Even though I get this when you say you feel foolish, there is truly no need to feel that way, please don't beat yourself up about that. You will see these true words written in this forum quite often; it was not your fault "You simply trusted in the kindness of another human being." There is nothing wrong for believing he loved you all those years. Unfortunately, it is a genuine possibility, with your own gut feeling, that his silence equals finding a new target. This is what they do, and you are right, we are the ones left suffering. We also end up facing, through the pain, we do have options. Once we work through the initial shock, pain, and horrible blow to our reality; we can begin working on ways to move forward. I invite you to review Lisa's six steps on the home page. They literally saved my life. I was so very much like how you are describing yourself and had so little hope of getting over the betrayal and horrible pain, but I did, slowly but surely, one day at a time. You can too, my dear. Acceptance isn't easy but it is key to helping you heal from the pain. There are so many of us who have gone on to survive and thrive after narcissistic trauma, and I have faith you will do the same. Lean on us, we are here for you. XOXO


July 15, 2017 - 8:39am

Hard to accept

Michelle, first I want to say welcome. This is a great place to land to read and learn about what you have experienced with a narcissist. Also you will have access to great support here. It is hard to accept in the beginning after a break up that it wasn't real. After all it felt real didn't it? That's because it was real for YOU. You question how someone cannot feel love the way you do. Narcissists are not "wired" in their brains the way you are or I am. They are hard wired to lack certain abilities such as; the ability to feel remorse, the ability to love someone out side of the luring stage which was not love they felt, but excitement for winning a new target for Narcissistic supply, the ability to feel empathy for others, the ability to consider the emotions of others. They are false selves living behind a mask the general public sees. When you are close and intimate with them the mask slips, simply because they can't keep it on 24/7. That's when you experience their anger, disgust, non trust, irrational arguing, word salad conversations leaving you not sure what you just talked about, crazy making, turning the tables, and do many other mentally sick behaviors, including projection onto you all of their own faults or wrong doings. Stay tuned and read as much as you can. We are here to help you sort through it all.


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