His Compulsive Lying vs His Ability to Make Me Feel Like The Most Important Thing In His Life

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#1 October 16, 2017 - 5:00am

His Compulsive Lying vs His Ability to Make Me Feel Like The Most Important Thing In His Life

I geniuinely believe I have found someone who is PERFECT for me! Not because of submission and over the top gestures but because we genuinely mentally connect, we both have the same humor, same hard working ethic, same options and problem solving ideas. We finish each other's sentences and often end up saying the same thing at the same time. As such, we soon entered into business together. We have a very clear ideas of who is responsible for what however it very quickly began that of course all of his jobs were far more important than any of mine.

This aside, this man is everything i would ever want out of a partner. We spend most of our relationship in private, just the 2 of us and the connection is ridDiculous, the fun times, laughter and natural feeling we have around each other is something i have never experienced before.

However, there has been one constant theme of negativity, and that is trust! I gave a ton of trust which was broken. He has turned out to be a complusive liar. Something i guess i knew from day one but I believed it would change and perhaps wasn't going to out weight the positives. Very quickly, I find myself, questions EVERYTHING. HE is a VERY VERY smart man with a very dominating presence. Through his work, he has 100s of people surronding him who will drool at his every word, jump at his every command and crave his praise and attention. In his work and day to day life, i have watched him lie to these people every single day. Constantly. Even when unnecessary.

And of course, i have learnt he has done the same to me. LIed contstantly thourgh out our relationship about big things and little things. I have overlooked a lot because of the love i have for him but i am now destroying myself with doubt and insecurity. I have found i have changed from a very independent and confident woman, to one that feels insecure and doubts everything he says. His lies make me feel pathetic and when i confront him with them i feel even more pathetic.

I can not believe how good his is at it. He can manipulate his way out of ANY situation. He can convince anyone of anything. And I can stand in front of him knowing the truth about a situation and he will manage somehow to come up with a plausible story. Now i know its not true, but he is able to make e doubt that, he is able to stand in fron of me with so much passion and conviction, telling me what I believe is wrong! How i have misunderstood a situation, taken thing out of context and everything i know, even things other people have told me are lies. That they are all lying to me because they are not trust worthy and that he is telling me the truth. That he would never risk lying to me and loosing me. That I am the only person in the world he cares about, that he needs me and to lie and risk loosing me is not something he would ever do! Even with the facts, even after people have told me the truth, he will continue this while looking straight into my eyes.

I break because i know he is lying, i break because i fear what he is capable of, i break because i love him so much that part of me wants to ignore the truth and fall back into his arms.. Arms that are my favorite place to be,. I question wether outing up with his continual lies, self obsession, giant ego are things i can live with.
HE genuinely believes everyone in the world is dumb and he is the only smart one, he is the only one who sees things correctly and everyone else I'd dumb, emotional and weak. He has no humane feelings for anyone. He can watch me break down in tears and he will continue his lies. He will hear of emotional traumas people are going through and he will simply see them as weak. But while he does his, he tells me that i am the only person he actually cares for, that apart from me, everyone around him is stupid. Together we formed this power couple and team who stood strong side by side and are building an empire. BUt i guess, part of me is simply waiting for him to flip on me.

I found the posts about fidelity interesting. He has been a playboy and is only still in his 20s. He is friends with all his exes,al though he denied and kept it hidden at first. It soon became clear he is still friends with them all. This is strange to me and the fact that he will keep their contact hidden from me is worse. He always wasn't to be seen as the most powerful man in the room, everyone must answer to him, crave him. He still communicate with his exes but he will also still communicate with thier families too. Telling me its just a conversation or his exes mum is working with him. Again, i want to believe everything and i guess i do but what strikes me is that he has never been interested in my family and has kept his distance.
I have 2 young children and in after 3 years, they are still not comfortable with him. He has had minimal conversations with my family and I guess at this stage i feel uncomfortable even getting them together because i eel he will be judging them and mentally putting them down.

I know this situation is not right, but i loved this man with all my heart. He has hurt me and broken me but i honesty don't believe i will ever find someone I genuinely connect with this much. The fun we have, the menta connection we have, they silly things we do, the way we work together, he genuinely makes me a better version of me. While at the same time, makin me feel insecure. The thought of loins him out of my life, is killing me. Staying friends makes me feel like all the other exes who 'stayed friends' with him. But with a business together, total no contact is never going to be possible.

I am lost and broken. Is just want my best friend back

November 7, 2017 - 11:18am

I can relate

I am two months out of a relationship with a N. I can relate to so much of what you are saying. How could he be wrong for me when just spending time with him was so exciting, fun, and natural. We also had he exact same sense of humor. We finished each other's sentences as well. He is very charming and smart like you said, but he also can portray himself as smarter than I think he actually is. He always saw himself as better and smarter, just as you said, I call this, being "terminally unique." Everyone else had to actually earn a living, but not him, every other alcoholic had to go to meetings and make sobriety number one, but not him. I could go on and on. He also wanted to go into business with me. I can't believe I actually considered it, he was a great salesman, and sold himself to me in a sense. He also sold me on the idea that I was sooooooooo very special, and I was the only woman he would ever be happy with and I was his sole reason for living. Wow! I was dumb. I am not calling you or myself dumb, I need to re-phrase that, that is him talking. I was naive and just wanted to help someone and wanted to feel that wonderful feeling of being the most important person in someone's life. That is very normal. The being a "playboy" thing was also a part of my ex. He presented himself as pretty much a sex god and that every woman he was with he was always the best. I ask myself over and over, why didn't I run right then? I know why now, I was in a very vulnerable situation. I was in a dead-end, loveless marriage and my father had just died. I think was in narcissist heaven. I was so easy to convince and to control because I needed someone to love me and to make me feel special. I think that fact that your kids feel uncomfortable with him is very telling. You stated, "I know this situation isn't right, but I love this man with all my heart." Oh my gosh, I got the chills when you said that because I said that to myself so many times. What my therapist suggested to me is the I was not in love with him, I was in love with the idea of him, the idea of the type of strong love he appeared to be giving to me. How special he made me feel, but I realized in my situation that it was all fake. He was a great talker, so good that he was so busy talking I didn't realize he wasn't DOING anything to prove his feelings. And I hate to admit this (I know I am no better than anyone else), but I am a therapist! I thought to myself, "I am so stupid, I should have seen this coming a while away. Be nice to yourself and find things that make you happy that are not related to him. I know I don't know you or your situation personally, and I don't want to come off like I am telling you what to do, I just saw your post and had to share, I can feel the pain you are in and I have felt it and some days still feel it, but it is possible to overcome. One more thing, you mentioned not knowing if you can connect with anyone else. I can relate to that too. We had such a strong and overwhelming connection the first day we met and I was only with him for close to a year. I could't believe we were no longer together, it was like I had lost a limb. Be careful of that because you said you feel very insecure. I personally believe that the main goal for a romantic relationship is to make your partner feel safe and secure and I felt just like you. I was madly, wildly, crazy in love but NEVER felt so low and worthless as a person. That is a red flag. You are not doing anything wrong, I am sorry you are lost and broken. I think I have said those exact words before. That is how I felt when he showed me the real him. I felt like my soul had been shattered and my world was completely turned upside down and the only person who could help was him, but he was causing me to feel this way. He set it up to be that way. I used to be a confident, independent woman and when I was with him, I was this insecure, obsessive, weak, woman I didn't even recognize. To me that is not true love. My thoughts are with you! Keep your head up.

-JR1331

November 16, 2017 - 2:57am (Reply to #2)

Venting

Its 12:30am I can't or don't want to sleep. I miss the True Love But HATE THE LIES, PATHALOGICAL JELLOUSY, I AM SO ANGRY. Been drinking all day but can't numb the pain. Look for an active forum to communicate and run into internet roadblocks. I can't take much more. I get fired from my job i Love because my overload of stress between narcissistic relationship recovery, stress from work , and bills from heart exams from intense anxiety heart issues is overwelming. I can't stop thinking of him can't stop feeling like a disappointment to my kids. What can i do.
Angry all the time
Nb

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