Help!! Is This Narc Abuse?
Help!! Is This Narc Abuse?
Hi, all. I'm a new comer here. I'm here because I'm not quite sure if I experienced a Narc but from dozens of sites I've read he sure fits the bill.
Here's my story:
My guy and I started out as "friends with benefits" in 2009. We were both in undergraduate. We were off and on "friends with benefits" until 2014, when we were full time ON. During this time, he became more open with me and initiating more affection with me such as kissing, pillow talk, cuddling, etc....this lasted until April 2015 when out of the blue on Facebook, he got into a relationship! I don't even understand how he had time to build anything with her because he spent a lot of his time with me. I confronted him but I wasn't upset at the relationship but the fact that he didn't tell me. From our pillow talks and talks over the previous years, I was under the impression that if he ever got into a relationship he would tell me and we go our separate ways. I felt he wasn't going to tell me and use "it's on Facebook" as an excuse when I confronted him about it.
A week later after going public with their relationship, he texts me because he wanted to come over. I got mad because he wanted to cheat with me and so he got mad at me and says "leave me alone". I was so shocked because this wasn't the guy I met in 2009 and knew for 6 years. I stopped talking to him for the rest of 2015.
January 2016, he's still in the relationship and it's not even a year for them yet and I found out she moved him into her place, they're all lovey dovey on social media, he starts following me on social media and starting up conversation like nothing happened. No apology. He just started bringing up the good times. I eventually fall into it becoming the "other woman". I am not proud of it but it happened.
January 2016 to December 2016, things changed drastically. I've never experienced this from any man. I would try to talk to him about his feelings and he would give me the silent treatment or say things like "you're always asking the same questions" and never answering the questions. He would get mad and I eventually felt like I was walking on eggshells because I didn't know what to say or do because it seemed like he would become angry at everything I did. He got mad at me one day and yelled "leave me alone for real this time". And a month later, he was back following me on social media and doing what he did before, starting off where we left off and not apologizing. When I asked for an apology, he would say "why would I apologize when you're overreacting". I became so confused and I would ask him if he had feelings for me because he couldn't seem to leave me alone. His response was always "no". I didn't understand why go through all of that for someone you had no feelings for and why can't you leave me alone when you have a girlfriend that you live with?! Nothing made sense. So I kept trying to gain clarity and he would say things like "you have a brain, use it", "stop acting like your stupid", and things like that. I was so hurt & confused because I never expected this from him.
The last time we spoke was when he got caught cheating and his girlfriend called me and she wanted to see screenshots for "proof" even after him and I both admitted to the cheating while on the phone with her. She then said how she wanted to fight me. Which seemed kinda dumb to me. I sent her the screenshots and he went off on me in a rage! I've never heard him that mad before.
He threatened to get a restraining order. He said I "set him up". He called me all kinds of names. He said he's done with me. He said he's going to be faithful to her because that's who he loves.
I went no contact since then but the thoughts keep playing through my mind. How can he love her but keep coming back to me when we fall off? How can he say he doesn't have feelings for me but can't seem to leave me alone when we fall off?
Is he a narcissist? Will he be faithful to her because that's who he loves? Did I deserve this? Nothing makes sense to me. I will gladly appreciate your help.