exmrs.gwa's story

Newly separated from Narcissistic hubby... advice? help?

Wow...did I find THE right board or what?
Well..this is MY story...and I have read lots of "stories" very much like MINE.

I married my narcissistic husband almost 4 years ago. Now let me tell you all BEFORE I was married to him I was a VERY strong woman. (at least I thought so).

Well...let me tell you life was difficult with him...to say the LEAST! He told me in February of this year he did NOT love me and never had...even when he married me. I SHOULD have left then but stayed like a idiot!

SO...fast forward to the last of June this year and he was having "health issues" all related to stress and GUESS who he blamed for it? YUP...me. HE was having a bad day and was in a "mood" and asked me to just leave...I realized a week or two later he may have been asking me to just leave the house but I walked out on the marriage.....looking back now I really believe he was only asking me to leave for the day! How funny! But...bottom line...I walked out on HIM!

I was raised in a very disfunctional household by a father that was...and you guessed it....A NARCISSISTIC HUSBAND!
WHY I was SO blind to not have SEEN how selfish, self-serving MY husband was when I married him is beyond my thinking. But..I married him and the damage was done.

SO...it's been a month since I left and MY husband wants us to "be friends" which says to me "I STILL NEED SOMETHING FROM YOU"... That's the ONLY reason he would ever be nice to me...or anyone for that matter.

Nope, he has NOT asked me to come back....as a matter of fact just the opposite...he has said he does not WANT me back in the house or marriage.

I guess MY question is this? How LONG does this horrible feeling last? How long until I will feel whole again and trust again?

BY THE WAY...THIS YEAR BEFORE my "loving husband" (yea right) asked me to leave I lost a VERY wonderful friend to cancer and my sister (my last sibling) died of cancer AND my mother has lung cancer and is in treatment and I am the ONLY surviving child she has. I also have cut off all ties with my father after YEARS of trying and trying to "work things" out with him.

SO...I don't know....I feel totally messed up right now and feel like I will never be happy again.

By the way....I was disabled in 1993 in a auto accident...my husband only married me because he thought I had this large settlement in the bank...I have NO money and once he found that our the marriage ended....for him.

Sorry for being so long but thanks for listening!