Can't decide if he's a garden variety jerk or narcissist

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#1 August 10, 2017 - 1:51pm

Can't decide if he's a garden variety jerk or narcissist

I don't know what I did to this guy...but I'm pretty sure he hates me. He was so arrogant, but there was something about him that drew me in. I couldn't help myself. He wouldn't leave me alone!

We spent a few months getting to know each other, and we went on one date where nothing sexual happened. He pressed, pursued, and chased me to no end. I could feel his contempt for me grow after the date, he expected me to sleep with him. He tried telling me he thought that was what I wanted, but that it was a one time deal? It was so confusing.

Some of the language, behavior, and conversations I'll share:

In the beginning, he "love-bombed" me. I had been casually dating other guys, but he was the only one I couldn't stop thinking about because I heard from him so often.

He changed from being nice and polite, to an elusive, sexually motivated nightmare.

We'd have these frustrating, repetitive, circular conversations that he would provoke, which would happen late at night, and I would have trouble sleeping and functioning the next day.

I heard from him primarily through texting and snap chatting but he would always respond in the beginning, I never thought I wouldn't hear from him...then this changed to him only drip feeding me affection. I remember him telling me that he enjoyed making me wait.

He said he liked that I was submissive and vulnerable.

He said over and over again that he was going to make me his, I felt like an object. "No one ever leaves me."

On our first date, he slapped my butt in public, tried to coax me into sex, and when it didn't happen, I could see him visually boiling under the surface. He called me a wimp when I told him I needed to trust him before engaging sexually, and "you had your chance" when I wanted to try a friendship. I was "boring."

He dumped me more than once...even though we weren't in a relationship, and I had never given him the impression I wanted him as a boyfriend.

He would regularly seek me out by sending me pictures of himself shirtless, pants less, random things he purchased all to be validated and have his ego-stroked.

He is a self-proclaimed nice guy who swears he's been wronged by women all of his life, he's had girl friends, but never girlfriends...Now "I'm the shit" and "watch out bitch, look at me now." He thinks he's a rare snowflake and has an air of entitlement like nothing I've ever experienced before.

He told me he had walls up, he doesn't let anyone "in" to get to know him, he's an empty shell, he's an awful person, I hate him, he wants me to hate him, etc etc.

Facebook: He would screenshot pictures and send them to me hinting that he had a FB, so finally I asked why we weren't friends. He had his profile set to where you can't add him, only message. So I messaged him, he made me wait a few hours even though we had just agreed to be friends five minutes prior. Again, the making me wait, which became even more apparent the longer I knew him. I noticed triangulation, subtle digs, passive aggressive likes to quotes, he went "offline" the entire time we were friends from messenger. Just bizarre.

During one of his more lengthy silent treatments: he had invited me over once to go swimming, but I declined because I had to work, and the next day he posted a snap story of some other girl jumping into the water.

The last silent treatment, and me trying to go NC: He very coldly ignored any attempt I made at trying to talk to him. Yet, he would like my FB posts, watch my snap stories. I approached him a final time, and not only did he ignore me, but he didn't read anything I said to him over messenger. I waited a week, and finally cut the cord without saying anything to him. I deleted him from FB, from snap chat, from messenger, his phone number. EVERYTHING. I know he noticed. Last night I got a text message...a nickname he used to always call me. I said something to him that he said to me from the last conversation we had which as a joke. He ignored me. I assume this was a hoover attempt? I said something again to him, just basically asking him what he's trying to accomplish and I'm ignored again lol. Hopefully I'll be free of this guy, I don't care if he has the upper hand, I just want to be left alone.

August 14, 2017 - 11:41pm

both!!!

Geez... I got angry at him just reading this! He definitely is a jerk, no denying that, and appears to have many narc traits as well. I certainly hope you are free from him too. Enjoy the peace.

FeFe

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