My N has custody and has for nearly a decade. After several years of banging my head against walls, enduring telephone calls at work filled with screaming diatribes and hateful vitriol, and endless nights of crying and shame, I finally went as close to NC as I can about three years ago. It was so nerve wracking that my doctor had to put me on anti-depressants for a long time.
As my kiddo gets older, understanding is beginning to creep in. Kidlet is beginning to see that under the smiling, good-looking exterior that Dad shows off to the world is a deadbeat loser who doesn't care about anyone else but himself. Unfortunately, the N's entire extended family is dysfunctional in the extreme, and kidlet is constantly guilt-tripped (albeit subtly) about how much more significant and important they are compared to me. Oh, and did I mention that the N lives with his Mommy and Daddy?
Unfortunately, the N is really good at convincing others that I, rather than he, is the psycho, and so not only do I not get accurate information from N or his family (yeah, right), but I also have limited to no cooperation with doctors, educators, etc. I'm a bank account and nothing more.
I know I have to live with this situation for a while yet, but while it means wishing my own life away, I cannot WAIT for 2017, when kidlet will be eighteen. I cannot WAIT to be rid of this manipulative, freakish nutjob forever.