Sexual Aversion After Narc Abuse?

I noticed since the break from my ex-N, I really am turned off by blunt sexuality.

It can be in the form of nude men, nude pictures, explicit sex scenes or even graphic sexual jokes or statements.

I wasn't like this before. But now, especially, I'm experiencing these effects.

At first I couldn't even look at or view anything related to romance, after the breakup, but now I can, to a larger degree. There are still moments where I am triggered negatively by merely romantic refereces, but again, it's not so bad as before.

Wondering if anyone else here is experiencing these post traumatic effects after dealing with your ex-N.

I am concerned that once I get into a new relationship with a man, I won't be able to behave healthily when it comes to this aspect of the relationship. And I don't just mean sex itself, but anything sexual or very intimate.

I'm trying to understand more about why I've been affected this way, because I figure the deeper my understanding is, the more I'll (hopefully) be able to heal in this regard, too, and find a way out of this sudden dysfunctional expression.

I am thinking because the last person I was with was my ex, anything sexual reminds me of him...the association. I also feel the sexual aspect of our relationship was so dysfunctional for so long, that it's made me internalize sexual connection in a negative manner, and the breakup and all of the further abusive things he did, just drove that imprint in further.

I felt very unwanted, neglected, undesirable, and in other perverse ways, used, with and by my ex-N, respectively. It's a long story. Pieces of that story are here on the board in other threads. But I'm willing to talk more about it here, if this generates enough discussion and others coming in sharing any similar experiences with this.

I also connect sexuality with intimacy, which was not there in my ordeal. So to get close with someone like that triggers fearful and anxious feelings. Unpleasant associations...which manifests into sexual aversion.