sexual abuse

my n constantly sexually abused me…if nto just seuxal but sadistic….biting, slapping, hitting, any kind of hurt….trying to force fingers inside…trying to make you scream….various forms of rape by pushing me on the bed and attempting things on me, making me his personal ‘slave/whore/slut’ making me degrade myself and degrading me…lots of aggressiveness, threatening to bite your body parts or doing it or attempting.. making me wear difficult to walk in high heels 24/7 around him, or out to places, or dress a certain way, trying to grab or do things to me in public against my will in front of others, wanting to parade my body parts around in public to show others, which occurred sometimes..threatening or wanting to do sexual acts to be in public restaurants...wanting to tie my hands behind my back…forcing me to do things…forcing me to do nude or degrading pictures…..the list goes on….not sexual but refusing to let me leave his palce to get water, and if I tried I’d get locked out…and would have to drive back to my place….theyre about degradation or lots are...many esp the p's or s's are sadistic sick and dirty and into anything that's sick and if you don't want it or it causes you displeasure the more they want to do it...and if it causes you pleasure they frown on it but they need to do pleasurable acts to keep you there interesetd needy and lured in some form...or for themselves but won't refrain from all the degradation to project their bitterness onto their object-- for the n or s or p you're just the object they're taking all their childhood turmoil or inner frustrations and hell out on...whether it's on women, their mother or anyone that created it...they continue using this tactic to destroy you

I commend you for having the strength to admit what you went through. None of this is your fault, and yes, it is sexual abuse. It is once again them putting their own needs above anyone elses, and how dare he put you in so many degrading positions. Love and intimacy are not about pressure, threats, and making your partner do things they are not comfortable with. It is abuse. You are brave, and you are free. Free to heal, and free to develop your own beautiful respectful sexuality. I know how hard this is. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. My STBXNH was not in any way a comfort in my journey of healing. I remember an instance that still makes me sick to my stomache. As a child I was anally raped. Needless to say, anal sex was not something I wanted to experience as an adult. STBXNH loved anal sex. Early on in our marriage, he wanted me to try it. I finally decided to try it. I remember that as soon as we started, it hurt, and a ton of memories flooded my brain. I was scared, and I asked him to stop. He stopped, but with a tremendous anger. He yelled at me for ruining the mood. He yelled at me that I ruined his evening. He didn't want to go out for dinner anymore. He went on and on. I was layingin our bed, in a ball sobbing. I was stunned. Here is the man who is suppose to love me and instead of supporting me and loving me, he was pissed, angry, and mad for himself!! I remeber feeling so dirty, and just laying there thinking what did I do wrong? How can I make him feel better. I apologized for ruining his evening!!! Mine also wanted to have a threesome, which I never wanted to do, and never did do. Having sex with my STBXNH was a very detached, unemotional experience. Honestly, most of the time, I would just do it to get it over with. I would do it to get him off my back for a couple of days. Now that you are free of him, you have the power to heal and have a beautiful sexual life, full of love, intimacy, and real bonding. Be proud that you can label this abuse. Be proud that you can recognize that it is abuse! You deserve so much more. You don't need to be a sex slave to someone else's sickness. Each of us are dynamic, strong women who deserve to be loved and respected. Please be very kind to yourself right now. I understand the pain. Wish I could give you a hug.

The ability to dominate her when she is exhausted is an obvious benefit to the psychopath for keeping her awake, but so is marathon sex or marathon fighting. The psychopath consistently keeps her awake, demanding her company while he watches TV, picks fights, or wants marathon sex. Her diet, exercise, down-time, spiritual practices, and friendships all go by the wayside while her stress levels increase. The fast-paced lifestyle contributes to a total deterioration in her health. Her physical exhaustion can greatly increase her emotional fatigability. She is now unable to hold her ground against the psychopath, and despite the exhaustion, she remains hypnotized, fixated on his extraverted, highly exciting persona. Or the psychopath will compare her to other sex partners in an attempt to coerce her into more unwanted sexual acts and so the cycle repeats itself. All this leaves her feeling inadequate and striving to please him sexually so she performs more sexual acts that she finds degrading, and he degrades her for doing them, and yet demands them. The psychopath is likely to describe their sexual relationship as “unique” or “deep and meaningful” or simply “really great sex.” Whichever way the psychopath spins the lingo on the sexual relationship, she most assuredly feels special and pursued as the Madonna. But eventually the need to dominate her emotions will lead him to removing the tile of Madonna and alleging her as a whore. Many of the women experienced sexual damage and negative effects on their sexuality. Having been exposed to deviant sexual practice, humiliated about their sexual performance or bodies, compared to other women, cheated on, and often sexually harmed—most women felt they needed intensive sexual healing in order to overcome the affects of the sexually intimate relationship with a psychopath. Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

Oh, Grossot, my heart goes out to you. Yes, this most certainly is sexual abuse. You must take the proper steps and time to heal from this. He abused you in a horrible way. First and foremost, do not ever be ashamed for you did nothing wrong. Do not beat yourself up for any of it. Be kind and gentle to yourself and seek the help and counseling Barbara suggested. Her advice is just what you need to keep in mind. Hang in there. xoxo, Lisa

Yes - you most certainly can be sexually abused in a marriage! Everything you are saying sounds like he treated you like an object, a whore. Not a wife or even a person. That's ABUSE. This site may help you: http://www.aphroditewounded.org/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ I have included this page because women sexually assaulted by partners are often confused about how to define their experience/s. Many women fear naming-it can be very frightening -the pain of being sexually assaulted is bad enough, but when it is done by somebody whom you love or trust can be a very deep, intimate hurt. You may also be confused because you have internalized what you've heard about rape by boyfriends or husbands not being considered real rape. Some women will experience pain as they recognize themselves in the following list. I would suggest that you engage the support you deserve (please go here for contacts) You have a right for your sexual abuse to be seen with the same gravity as anybody else's. Please try not to listen to anyone who might devalue your pain. I also extend the possibility that recognition and naming, though initially frightening, has the potential to ultimately heal and strengthen. However, please bear in mind that even if you feel unable to give your experience the name of rape/sexual assault, you still deserve support - counsellors and other survivors do understand why naming can be painful, and will not push you to give what happened to you a name. IS SEX BY COERCIVE PRESSURE RAPE? Yes. Sexual activity using emotionally distressing tactics of coercion such as sulking, becoming angry with you, withdrawing affection, withholding household money or blackmail i.e. I'll leave you; I'll go and sleep with somebody else; I'll spread rumours about you". Finkelhor and Yllo call this type of rape 'interpersonal coercion' and state that it has devaluing and traumatic effect on women (3). Furthermore, research has found that a higher proprotion of women are upset by threats to leave them, than women subjected to physical force.(4). Some people find calling this type of sexual coercion rape contentious. The basis of this is usually that the coercion involved here is different than that involved in rape where physical violence has been committed or explicitly threatened. "She didn't say no" becomes the catchcry. But did she say "yes" and under what circumstances? In Australia it is now recognized legally that doing or saying nothing to indicate free agreement to sexual contact, may under law be recognized as "absence of consent". (Thanks to Dr. P. Easteal for informing me of this, and directing me towards further reading). Prosecution remains problematic, but it does mean that submitting, or silently laying there should no longer be taken for granted as consent. We There's a lot of talk about women being responsible for using their voices. Well sure. But once again, rape becomes about what the woman did or didn't do. It is just as correct and just as fair for someody to make sure real consent is present. The ideal of the "cad" who could use whatever means necessary to overcome resistance and get what he wanted and was slapped on the back for getting it instead of being confronted as a rapist will hopefully become a thing of the past. The rules have changed and sexual partners need to show that they sought consent. At the time of writing, similar reforms have been passed in the US, and most recently the UK. Such reform recognizes that submission does not equate consent and that women may be coerced in a number of non-violent but distressing ways. It addresses at least in part, the old and common assumption that men are entitled to use any means necessary to persuade or "seduce" a woman into sexual activity (5) If a perpetrator has badgered a woman until she submits, he surely realizes that true consent is not present. Submission is not consent. http://www.aphroditewounded.org/