seatt77's story - 2

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#1 Feb 11 - 10AM
seatt77
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seatt77's story - 2

7 months on, still dealing with it.

It has been 7 months since the break up, and almost 3 months since i had a text convo about the baby.

I still feel the pain but more and more i am accepting what she is/was. My mind for a long time has fought between what was real and what was an illusion. And it has been torture. So odd how overtime your mind only sees and believes what it wants to. Associated with "disconnection" or rather the life of living in an illusion and forcing your gut and heart to believe in "Ignorance is bliss".

So many realisations have popped into my memories.. When we first dated i remember her telling me so many things that should have been red flags but i though nothing about them. When she talked about her songs she loved.. Cindy laupers "Time after time" she said how in the song.. One day a person you love and are with are gone in the blink of an eye with no explanations , she then said "so ... Watch out.."

other songs were songs about a cheating lover.. And the song called "Someone that I used to know" Where top ones..

Her dream she had about me cheating on her with someone i never met, then telling me that she loves me and that she will just have to accept it when it happens.. i believe this as projection..

Her ex that constantly texted her confused about what happened and how much pain he was in.. And he knew nothing about me.

All the triangulation.. Either about ex men.. Or her friends and family which none of it was true but i believed..

She told me she cheated once in her life on her ex before me.. Her excuse was because he couldn't stay hard... But i later found out she had cheated on everyman she had ever been with.. And she left them all for no real reason bit that she no longer felt excitement any more.. Her other term was "I no longer feel for someone, then I leave for a new person" None of her ex men where abusive... But she would go back abduction forth telling me they where.. And at first she always played victim..

She controlled how i acted.. Controlled when we met, and if anything was not how she wanted.. She punished me..

I saw all of these signs... And yet grew very accustomed to it over time just saying to myself ""Its just what she wants and how she is, I want to keep her happy""

So many things i saw and heard, and that she actually told me. I thought that I was different and that as long as I gave her what she wanted/Needed we would be ok. But that is her "Conditioning" me to allow and accept because "our" love and relationship was different. It was a trap so i could give her an attractive, successful , and carring man as a slave and emotional playtoy..

I knew deep down that eventually i would be discarded.. But my stupid heart didn't want to believe it.

She suddenly left after everyday expressing how happy she was with me, and how thankful she was to have me in her life. And immediately jumped to her next victim. an older, and bald man from her work. She is 28 he is 40.. I see him as a good source because i don't think an older unattractive man would put his foot down too much being with an extremely very beautiful younger woman.. Who at first seems so sweet innocent and perfect. Sex is her tool she uses, and a very innocent victimized carring personality is her trap.

NC works fellas, I believe she is BPD/NPD but also phychopathic.. Please for your own life... Run when you first get funny feelings or see flags, you can't beat these people... They are master manipulators and will get to you the longer you are with them.

They don't just attack your pride. they attack everything you are mentaly and emotionally, and once you see that, It is way too late.

Feb 11 - 12PM
hopefully free
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Well