Scoop's Post....The New One being the SoulMate

I posted this in response to Scoop's post, but decided to re-post for everyone to read in hopes that others can relate and offer words of wisdom.

I do believe things come into our world when we need them. As soon as I turned on my computer and went to Facebook, I saw Scoop's post regarding the OW as the Narc's Soulmate... This came at the right time for me because I have been in a deep depression feeling like my ex partner's new boyfriend is his soulmate...they seem so happy together. Here is what I wrote:

I have been in a HUGE depression for the last couple of days over my ex....dealing with the usual feelings of rejection, shame, blame, feeling unlove-able, feeling broken, etc....all the things HE made me feel about myself.

Now mind you, I've been NC for a couple of months now (He sent me an e-mail a couple weeks back sending me a link to a song he knew I would like....) I did not respond.

Tuesday was my birthday, and I did not hear from him, which I know is a good thing, but it also hurt not to be acknowledged.... I think it was a trigger for me, because that's when I started to obsess and romanticize him and turn all negativity back on myself.

Since we do not have contact, we are no longer FB friends....couldn't handle seeing him and his new boyfriend living in la la land. BUT, we do have mutual friends. A friend posted that he was going to so an so restaurant for dinner and my ex replied that his new BF would be there too...I don't know why, but this set me off! I had to delete all mutual friends (most were his anyways.)

I spent all night last night crying on the shoulder of some great friends (Who no-doubtly is getting sick of me pining over him.)

I had the worst sleep of my life last night, relaizing that he was at home probably holding his BF the way he once held me...I cried so much I threw up.

Then, I woke up this morning to find an evite to a party at MY bar in NYC (I moved to MI after the break-up, but this bar was my local hangout.) The evite was for a party next week for Gay Pride Weekend, thrown by my ex and his new BF. FUCK me universe! Knock me when I'm already down (why is it during the times when I'm struggling with this, I get bombarded with things like this...things that I do not intentionally seek out?

Anyway, I began romanticizing their relationship...He says he loves him (but they have an open-relationship.) Perhaps he does love him, the way he loved me...which was essentially loving the way I loved him and took care of him and loving the attention I gave him and the gifts, and the roof over his head, and everything else I did for him.

I'm still hurting today, but your post helped a little. The tough thing is, that they have now been together longer than he and I was (they started dating two months after my ex left me.) That's what hurts...The relationship was perfect in the beginning for the first year...I guess I tend to imagine that they have that same perfection four years later. Perhaps they do. Perhaps his new bf can handle him screwing other guys on the side, and taking him for granted, and being emotionally distant...sometimes though, I think maybe he was that way with only me...that I caused him or pushed him to treat me that way. That I loved him too much...