scared - does this mean he's gone forever?

I'm sorry you are in such confusion and pain but I am also not surprised because you are trying to relate normally to a narc and that is impossible. I'm really not sure if there is ever a 'forever' about anything when it comes to a narc. "I know you are all probably going to say just block him and ignore him and in time i will do that, i'm just extrememly confused and hurt as i don't know if this is actually it now? or if he will get in touch?" I don't understand what you are waiting for... there is no better time than the present! He sounds extremely disordered and you're letting him have all the power, all the control. Only you can stop giving him that power to determine your state of confusion and pain and that is when you decide to take charge of your healing by refusing to wait for him to 'tell you when it's time'. (hugs)

This is frighteningly familiar. It is not about whether he will stop contacting you or if he is gone for good. It needs to be about you. As long as you keep responding and telling him that you love him, it will never end. Take him out of the equation for a minute and think about what is best for you. Drunk texting you in the middle of the night is entirely disrespectful and it seems that he told you everything you need to know in that text. Xoxo

Only you can decide how you can choose to live your life!! We all know the narcspeak! What they say or do at this point is irrelevent! What you do going forward is whats counts!! Hunter

Hey Girl! This guy is playing a cruel and heartless game. It will only get worse for you if you continue to show him interest. Although you don't want to hear that you should block him. etc... That is the ONLY answer. All he has going for him is this game he plays. More than likely he realizes he has nothing that will interest you if he didn't create this illusion of mystery. He sounds like a complete loser.

I think it is your addiction to him and your fear of what it will be like to suffer the "withdrawl symptoms" of not having him in your life anymore that are preventing you from putting "no contact" into force. He has deliberately manufactured your addiction to him in order to prevent you from escaping. This is a strategy used by all narcs and psychopaths which is cunningly designed to ensure that their needs are continuously met at all times. You are like a beautiful, graceful butterfly that is stuck in the web of an ugly, miserable spider and is unable to escape. There is a condition called "Stockholm Syndrome". Here is a quote which explains it: "Stockholm syndrome is a term used to describe a real paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a (short-term) lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness." You might also find it helpful to look at this webste: http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/stockholm/ It explains the link between Stockholm Syndrome and abusive relationships. You need to be able to understand exactly what is holding you back from breaking free from him. In order to help you see things more clearly you must allow yourself to see the manipulative motive behind his comments. Firstly, by saying "it's not very fair on me that i can never express my emotions due to being scared of the effect it will have on you", he is trying to make you blame yourself for this situation and see him as the victim. The fact is that YOU are the one who is suffering here, not him. Secondly, by saying "I know i'm not good for you and i don't want to be giving you the impression that i'm giving you hope and then shattering it, thats not the case whatsoever. I will leave you alone.", he is a) using reverse psychology to try to get you to convince him (and therefore yourself) that he is good for you and b) trying to scare you by forcing you to imagine how you would feel if he abandoned you because he knows full well that this will disturb you. Thirdly, by saying "I think you're the best person i've ever met" he is simply using flattery to a) pull at your heart strings and b) convince you that you are meant to be together. (Don't think for a second that this comment is sincere. They are so full of cliches). Fourthly, by saying "Don't reply i don't want to hurt you, and i feel that s all i'm doing. I'm sorry. Hope aside from us you are ok.", he is trying to portray himself as the sensitive guy who is so caring and compassionate whilst also trying to induce your pity. Every single utterance here has been cunningly designed to push your buttons, not because he is so heartbroken that he cannot live without you but because he is a man with no conscience who is at best, exploiting you for his own gratification and at worst, getting sadistic pleasure out of seeing you suffer whilst getting a huge high from the sense of power and victory over you that your responses are giving him. If you really want to escape from this abusive relationship then you need to stop listening to his manipulative words and start looking at his actual behaviour because that is how you can tell what his real motives are. I can see that this man still has a very tight hold of you. Like the cat that enjoys torturing the mouse for just a little bit longer before killing it, he is enjoying himself and is not wanting to let you go just yet. It is going to take great courage to break free. I think that if you were able to start no contact with this man you would get the biggest round of applause ever from everybody on this forum!!! xxx

El, this "man" will continue mind fucking you for as long as YOU allow it. You are allowing this. YOU have ALL the control and power here, but you are not taking it, you are giving it all to HIM....you are giving it to a man that has hurt you, and used you and is now continuing to hurt you and confuse you. He's a mind fucker and a liar. You will block this disordered one NOW, once and for all, or you will continue on, being sucked into his bullshit and making yourself more and more vulnerable to him and his abuses and then BAM!- he will blindside you again with even more bullshit abuse....maybe the knowledge of another woman or whatever....he will hurt you tremedously again. All of us here have been confused, and hurt and betrayed...etc....and going NC is very difficult for most AT FIRST but this is PROVEN to be the ONLY tactic that works!!! You and your abuser's situation is not an exception to this!!!! Of course you knew you were going to hear this from us, you said so yourself....please, you are a young woman, you will NOT be available and healthy enough to be in a GOOD relationship with a GOOD man if you keep yourself tied up with this assclown and not getting yourself strong again. You deserve to be cared for and loved just as you are, lovable Eleanorjean....you are not honoring yourself young lady....stop this....block this guy once and for all...take back your power, own it, and never give it up for ANYONE ever again. love~ Layla

If you know what we are going to say, why are you asking? The only way this is going to stop is if you block him and go totally NC. Since what you're asking is if he is going to continue to contact you, there is little we can do here to help if you're not willing to help yourself. It's very clear to me that he wants to keep you going in circles, but you're still on the merry go round. Until you really decide that that's what you want, you'll continue to engage him, or go back or whatever. It's just going in circles. you know what NC means here and what it looks like. We can't do what you need to do for yourself. You're just not ready yet.