Saw my therapist today.

What the F is wrong with me? Okay I get that in the beginning it was familiarity, naïveté. The "norm" from having a psychopath narc dad.( I finally got my mother out of that crazy relationship after 30 something years).
There is so much going thru my brain right now!! I haven't seen my therapist in over 8 weeks. I started seeing her for different but somewhat benign reasons about a year ago. Then about 3 sessions in I reconnected with this fuck and it has been all about him! She must be so tired of hearing my shit!
Well anyway I filled her in on everything that has happened in the past 8 weeks. Which has been my emotional hell. Why do I feel like shit every time I purge in therapy. She is a good therapist. I trust her I like her. But I don't know what the hell happens. I have broken no contact more times on days when I have therapy than I can remember.
I am fighting NC right now, I wish I was numb again.
Today I approached her with my revelation that perhaps my ex N was also a sociopath/ psychopath. And it was like she knew this whole time. She told me yes he has all the earmarks of antisocial personality disorder. I guess I had to realize on my own. She explained all the details and we discussed the work I need to do on myself and how to guard myself.
This fucker is like the heinz 57 of disorders. And for some sick reason I miss him today.
It's like what else does he have to do to me to get me to actually believe he is fucked up?
Her persued me for many years, and I realize that he was playing the narc game for years and I just signed on this year . Fuck me swinging!!! Even the way that asshole said my name haunted me for years. And It was my favorite nick name. Now whenever someone says it, well.....