The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



Rough couple of Days

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#1 Feb 5 - 6AM
Gso88
Gso88's picture

Rough couple of Days

Im on a posting spree today, but I needed to get this out.
I'm at NC day 28. I have no desire to break that in any way, but the last two weeks has been rough.
Last week would have been our anniversary, on that day she decided to announce to the world that she had started a relationship "officially" with the other guy. She swore up down left and right there was nothing there while we were together, and while I knew that was a lie, it still felt like a slap in the face. A friend of a friend of a friend told me so I had no way to avoid finding out that fact as I had no idea this person even knew her. Follow that up with my birthday a few days ago and I just feel kinda down, that had to be one of the worst birthdays I've experienced yet. I found myself hoping on both days that she would contact me, not so I could reply but just to see I wasn't cut out completely, that maybe she wasn't the cold, cruel bitch I know that she really is. Naive and useless hopes to be sure, can't explain why I even wanted that, I know better. I guess I'm just surprised at how acutely the pain flared up. It feels like the day I found out about the other guy.

:-/

-Gso
"May the bridges I burn light my way..."

Feb 5 - 6PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

The roller coaster will

The roller coaster will eventually stop.. You're going great. Hunter
Feb 5 - 7AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Lol, here's links on hoovering

http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/12/28/hoover-not-compliment http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/08/15/beware-nark-attack Now i know for sure that you don't read my blog, lol. The blogs, favorites, and posts in the archives are a wealth of info and links. God bless, Goldie
Feb 5 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
Gso88
Gso88's picture

Goldie! I just read it, I

Goldie! I just read it, I will admit I haven't read much on your blog, just back and forth between the steps forums and All about her. I need to check that out more often because both of those posts were spot on with how I am feeling. Unfortunately the feeling still exists but I am fighting it, work is slow today and I can't seem to get it out of my head (hence me posting like crazy...haha)
Feb 5 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Been there; done that

My XN hoovered me constantly that first year and then we got back together after he went to jail for his BAD BEHAVIOR. When he got out we got back together, mainly because we both wanted to see if there was anything left and if jail had "changed him" that is a laugh. Anyway, he did pay me back some of the money he stole, never hit me, or my home, or things again. Did not steal. The problem was that he was still a PD and still a liar, and still a cheat, and still a drug user. The only thing jail did was kept him paranoid of going back to jail. He soon began to suck up to his boss big time, I'm like what is up with that is this guy gay? It was the biggest case of sucking boss ---- that I had ever seen. They ALWAYS have a motive, they do NOTHING to be just nice. They only thing I can think of now is, perhaps his boss's wife had a daughter, the boss has no kids. He was trying to get into their pants for something. I eventually kicked him out when I realized he was smoking crack, yup, crack AND he seemed to be too familar with OW, not anything I ever saw, just something I could FEEL and trust me, if I feel something IT IS GOING ON. My feelings do NOT lie to me. Only PD"s lie, NOT OUR INSTINCTS. This is VITAL in recovery to realize and get strong with, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS; THEY DO NOT LIE. He left and hoovered a bit and then................NOTHING, no more hoovering................... I was thrilled when he stopped hoovering and then................I woke up one morning bummed out because he had not hoovered in awhile. I began to QUESTION if I meant nothing to him, ZERO. Man the feeling of rejection was strong. AND then I sprung out of bed and said: F U C K T H I S!!!! The man was a psycho, selfish, cheating, lying bastard and I went out and took a run with my dog and FORGOT all about his SORRY ASS for the rest of the day. YOU WILL GET THERE: JUST TAKES TIME. God bless, Goldie
Feb 5 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
Gso88
Gso88's picture

I know I will get there, the

I know I will get there, the time part sucks...I want it now. Today has been a day of stupid and I am only 4 hours into my 12.5 hour shift... I kinda broke NC - as in I was sitting on Facebook, clicked a picture, saw her and the OM, clicked some more, unblocked, checked their Facebook pages... Got pissed at myself - deleted own Facebook. No direct contact just the Facebook pictures and stuff... What was I thinking? What good could that possibly bring? Answer none: I feel like absolute shit.
Feb 6 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
Ophelia
Ophelia's picture

I made the mistake of checking his Facebook

I wanted to see if he'd changed his relationship status from "in a relationship" to anything else--he had, he had removed the relationship part. Fortunately he didn't put anything in its place (like "single") but that was devastating enough, coupled with his "Interested in women". But then that was always there even when we were in a "relationship". Even more devastating though was some photos I saw of him laughing it up and clowning around with some of his performer buddies taken during the same period a couple of weeks ago when I had been curled up in bed in the fetal position unable to get up, eat, go to work, and do nothing but cry for several days. That was enough of an upsetting sight that I blocked him completely and have zero intention of ever looking back. There is zero value in it, unless one is a masochist. Seriously, don't look, you might turn into a pillar of salt!! :-)
Feb 5 - 9AM (Reply to #9)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

LOL, I hear ya dude

Facebook can be a major hit on the crack pipe. I am laughing because that would be something I would do, if I couldn't stop the hoovering on him, I would just delele all my profiles. Trust me woman are the stalker PRO'S. You are 100% correct, NO GOOD comes of watching their lives vicariously through Facebook. This activity as you are finding out for yourself ONLY tortures us some more. NC is the only way to begin to heal from the devastating affects of the PD and their tangled webs of deception.
Feb 5 - 6AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Hoping to be hoovered s

Hoping to be hoovered s normal. Especially in the beginning of your healing. But trust me when I tell you, as painful as it is not to be, it is more painful to be. This too shall pass. Time and patience will prove very useful. Happy belated birthday!
Feb 5 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Gso88
Gso88's picture

Thanks Sparrow! I'm not

Thanks Sparrow! I'm not familiar with the phrase hoovered but I assume it has something to do with the ExN getting back in touch with you. I completely understand what you mean but as painful as it is not to be, it is more painful to be. I dreaded both days because as much as I wanted her to contact me I knew it would tear the wounds back open. Totally contradictory feelings, that indecisivness isn't me, and that is the most infuriating part of the whole situation. I haven't been myself since the relationship first started... Damn Narcs....
Feb 5 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Hoover is when they attempt

Hoover is when they attempt to suck you back in. They will go to any lengths to do so, with the want and desire to D&D you once again, and the next time more venomous than the last. It's actually a very dangerous place to be, so you are best not experiencing it. But be prepared, the possibility of a Hoover can exist in any situation. There are many posts on this topic here on the forum. Read as much as you can, and arm yourself with knowledge, in case this occurs with you in the future. Good luck!
Feb 5 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Gso88
Gso88's picture

Oh ok, gotcha. That makes

Oh ok, gotcha. That makes sense. Ya, I know for a fact that is coming sooner or later. She attempted to do that with her ex-boyfriends while she was with me. Wonderful...can't wait...