Renewed journey

Hi again everyone!
I haven't been on here since about February. I'd been feeling more like me and starting to find my own groove, thoughts of the ex were less and less and I thought I had a good understanding of what the reality was.
That was until 2 weeks ago..
He emailed me from a new email as I had blocked his, and the downward spiral begun.
At first I wasn't even fazed to be honest, the emotion for me was quite detached (now I think because I had blocked it out) he had randomly sent me an email saying if we were to get back together would you get that car I always wanted we could do it together.. I laughed! Not even trying to hide the fact that he was completely being an ass, not even bothered to do any if the woo-ing or love bombing, just straight to the jerk he is..emails went back and forth for what reason I'm not entirely sure, I think for me it was more about proving to myself that it was put to bed for me as I was certain I knew who and what he was and was now in a place where I could finally see I deserved better... Silly me!
After a few days of emailing and I wasn't even nice just blatant and harsh at times he suggested to meet which again now looking back, stupid me did. At the time still no emotion, the connection was gone and for me it seemed a positive step to allow myself to see him and literally tick in my head all the narc traits I had come to learn, he wasn't even bothering to hide it.
I left happy in the thought that it was done.
Then from no where the bubbling under the surface emotions that I guess I hadn't really dealt with started to float to the top.. He was still half heartedly trying but not even bothering to hide his jerk behaviours.. The girl he literally jumped straight off me and moved in with, he was still living with but of course they weren't together! When asked if the photo he had of her was still his screen saver in his phone(which is how I found out about her after we just finished having sex) was still there.. "Yeah but it means nothing I'll take it off I just don't think about it.". His obsession with this car he thinks I,sorry, "we" should get together which would show the commitment we never gave each other before was his main priority. I didn't even know where he loved anymore.. But we should buy a car.. Oh it can be in my name and he would put some money if I wanted it towards it he just wanted to drive it everyday..this slowly went on for a few days even though in my head I knew I was playing with fire, I guess I just wanted some form of acknowledgment, still never a sorry came... And more and more the recognition I knew deep down I would never get has eaten away at me once again... And now after he came to me he is now ignoring me.. Because I dared stand up for myself and ask questions. And now I sit here left in tears feeling rejected once more and worthless when I should have known better.
How can someone I know is incapable of anything, have such a dramatic impact on my own self worth? He didn't even think me worthy of any kind of effort or hiding of his jerk behaviour, he thinks that low of me that I deserve literally nothing... And I allow it to effect me... What does that say about me !
So here I am again, restarting my journey. I have told him never to contact me again and blocked the new email address.
I forgot how bad the beginning pain feels like, totally consuming, and all this after a few forms of contact! Never ever again.