Relying on Someone Beyond Your Trust Level Hooks You Emotionally
Relying on Someone Beyond Your Trust Level Hooks You Emotionally
A while back I spent 25 cents for one of the best books I could have hoped to find. How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by John Van Epp> It explains so much how the Narc was able to ensnare me into his Lair.v I'm still reading the book (I think it is going to be oen of the I'll end up reading cover to cover.
Chapter Two covers the RAM plan of the author of developing and analyzing how to following your heart without losing your mind...developing healthy relationships and why we don't. BTW, after reading this so far, you could just as easily replace "jerk" with "Narcissist" because it fits equally as well.
I feel like I just saved myself a ton of money in therapy, for now I know what made me so vulnerable to the Narc. Dr. Van Epp indicates that Relying on someone beyond your trust level hooks you into emotionally dangerous relationships.
After a Whirlwind courtship Luanda committed to Anthony. Anthony flew in ranges and was always threatening to walkout, leave the relationship and find someone else. Luana was desperate for him to stay, and kept begging him to leave.
Why? Here's where this applies to me. Luanda made Anthony the center of her world and became over dependent on him emotionally. He made her feel like he needed her, and she relied on him totally for her emotional security and identity. An Expensive mistake!
It all goes back to her childhood where she never felt like she belonged to her parents or they to her. She was trying to gain approval from her father. I never felt safe and secure as a child or like I belonged.
It's crucial to the child in us hearing things like "That's My Girl!, We love you more than anyone else in the world!." In my case, it was missing as in most abusive and/or neglected relationships as children. I was emotionally starved as a child.
She was like a child in the relationship. She became overdependent on him for approval. She was fixated on him to feel "lovingly owned". Normal men seem boring.
Narcs and Jerks don't assusage our needs, they just temporarily drug them with their own paranoid controls. Never did I imagine my childhood played such a prominent role in my adult relationships and why so many of them were exploitive of me, as are most narc relationships. Who knew or would have guessed?
I am eager to read the rest of the book - it's really helping me understand myself better and why I was emotionally 'SUPERGLUED" to my jerk Narc. Thanks for reading if you'e gotten this far!
I may have to go find a copy
Soapergirl
SOAPERGIRL
Thank you for sharing this,