Recovery Is Active and it's a Choice!

The near constant thoughts

The near constant thoughts are running in an endless loop in your head because your brain is trying to tell you that you need help.

I am of the opinion that on it's own, time heals very little. I can say for sure that time alone healed virtually nothing in me. Time and really hard work, on the other hand, well, that worked. I am also of the opinion that the only people who really and truly heal from something as insidious and traumatizing as this are those who do the inner work on themselves. Those who dig deep - really, really deep and find out the answers to all of the "how" and "why" questions you asked about yourself ... "how did my boundaries get smashed, how did I let this happen to me, what happened to all my strength ... why did I believe what I was TOLD . . .". There are reasons you allowed all of that and they likely date back to way before the narc, probably to chidhood. Digging in and finding all of that out AND doing the work to heal all of the wounds, change the false belief systems you operate under and the "stinkin thinkin" that lead to the smashed boundaries, the lack of strength the acceptance of unacceptaable behavior - all of that ... that is what will allow you to move on and what will pemanently stop those voices in your head. That work looks different for differnt people. For some it's therapy or 12 step programs like al-anon, others choose to do in-patient, intensive work. Others do Goldie's group or something similar. Others pick other things butt he common denominator is hard, emotioanl work. It's different for everyone. For me, it's been a combination of traditional therapy, al-anon, one-on ones eith Goldie and her group that I needed. And frankly, it's been one on ones with Goldie and her group that have really made the difference for me. The path may be different for different people but true healing requires work. Passively waiting for the noise in your head to stop, well, that's not going to help you at all. The voices may quiet a bit after a time but that doesn't mean they're gone. Healing from this is not a passive, just wait and it will get better situaiton. Not if you really want to heal and not either go back to her or end up with someone similar. We see it on here all the time. Members who come back 2, 3, even 4 or 5 years out from a relationship with a narc and they're stll stuck. Still in tremendous pain. Or they "got passed" the narc and ended up with another one. Recovery is active and it's a choice.