Reconnected with my daughter again tonight.... *smile*

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#1 Oct 10 - 12AM
iAmMINE
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Reconnected with my daughter again tonight.... *smile*

She called. (all content is summarized)

It started out I was her "drive home entertainment"... or so she thought...

And I believed I would be able to interject into her world how patient and kind I needed her to be with me at this time. With an inlaying emphasis on "I am learning anew... and trying my damndest"...

We visited about 'history' some, and she interjected, "I can tell". (I heard I am proud of you). pat pat pat

Then I had to face a tough moment as a mom that 'phuked up'...

She shared with me how blessed she was that I followed through with 'spa day'. Even sending her the website and driving directions. She said, "I felt like I was worth spending time with".

OMG the flood of emotions that came with that one. In a flash of a moment I was proud of my own accomplishment witb a flood of guilt that my daughter has ever had to feel devalued.

I wept. (after we were off the phone ;)

I also felt anger. I felt embaressment... and it's ok. to feel. cuz deep down in my BEing I know it's different this time. I am, and will BE and so shall she... *giggle* and I get to help in it. Priceless!

Moral of the story?... ok, so u phuked some stuff up, today we get to "choose again"...

that comforts me.

a lot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yN-jnD_PBA&feature=related

Oct 11 - 3PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I basically abandoned my

I basically abandoned my newly "adult" children to follow my exNarc to Idaho. They were 22 and 19. No, they were NOT invited to go with us. Yep, it's as bad as it looks. The three years we were there in Idaho, I was like a bug pinned alive inside a viewing case. I knew exactly what I had done. Have I forgiven myself? How could I. After I left Idaho, and came back "home" to cower and shrivel in my sister's spare bedroom, I talked to my kids a few times. Then my 26 year old daughter got pregnant, with an abusive idiot she'd been dating (read: drunk farking) for a month. I told her, "Come home". I've been able to reconnect with my kids. I've told them flat out what I thought about what I did. They are still pretty young (mid and early twenties) and seem to blame the exN entirely, and not me at all. I don't buy it, I know how understanding and perspective grow with age. I'll be ready for the time when it comes. Having them both in my life is my greatest blessing. I mean that with every molecule in my body. Oh, and the little grandson too :D . Amazing :) They forgave me, when I cannot forgive myself. It is a beautiful thing, and I don't have a lot of words for it. I'm just blessed :)
Oct 11 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Oh wow

I'm so sorry, but I am glad you are reconnecting with them and rebuilding your relationships. I agree, it's best to just be brutally honest and tell them basically that you f'ed up. I neglected my kids a lot when they may have needed me because I was busy jumping through hoops for the N trying to prove that I was good enough. And it is a horrible feeling, especially now, to know that I did that. You know, you hear about women who do that all the time, and I always thought "What kind of woman would abandon her kids?" Well now I know. She could be a victim.
Oct 12 - 12AM (Reply to #11)
iAmMINE
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Oh Wow too

(((((((((MsVulcan500))))))))) Seeing this about myself allowed me to see my mother in a 'different light'. Not that what she did was right at all... but I watched my mother be a victim all her life, and I just "carried on the tradition". Thank GAWD my daughter will live it different. That's precisely why I breathe another day... ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 12 - 6AM (Reply to #12)
MsVulcan500
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That was what really hit me

That was the thing that really clinched it for me. My daughter was 12 when my XH left us for one of his employees. I never waivered on my decision to divorce and move the family on without him. I wanted to be a strong example to my kids about what you can and cannot get away with when dealing with others and relationships. My daughter said I gave her a good foundation to not put up with crap from anyone, and to be choosy about who she gives her heart and body to. Then I went and did what I did with the N. I bent over backwards trying to please this man, trying to prove I was worthy. If I didn't do this for the man I spent 20 years with, who I married and had children with, why in hell would I do this for some guy who was just messing with me from day one? I put my kids' needs aside very often because he "needed" me for something. Anything. The whim of the moment. I neglected them. Oh sure, their basic needs were being met, but I was not "really there" for them. I never really saw it before, but I always prided myself on being a good mom, and the N had the power (that I gave him) to change me into someone I really wasn't. And for that I am not proud. Just another thing we are left to clean up after they are gone. So you newbies who are just beginning this journey, please think about your kids and the example you want to be to them. They learn from watching us, and if you show them it is okay to trample on others or be trampled on by others, that is what they will do when they grow up. And we know we don't wish this experience on anyone, especially our beautiful children.
Oct 12 - 11AM (Reply to #13)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

Very well said :)

Something that is hard for us as women and mothers is to admit, as you said so well... >>> "I put my kids' needs aside very often because he "needed" me for something. Anything. The whim of the moment. I neglected them. Oh sure, their basic needs were being met, but I was not "really there" for them."

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 12 - 12PM (Reply to #14)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

Here's a good "parenting" link....

http://www.voicelessness.com/parenting.html ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 11 - 4PM (Reply to #10)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Briseis

I'm not saying you abandoned your kids, I'm just saying in general, that I always wondered about women who choose men over their kids. I am thinking your kids were older, they're about the same age as mine . . . Just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't blaming you, I was just making a realization that there are always 2 sides to a story. Thanks!
Oct 11 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

Forgivness of oneSelf is haaaarrrrd

but not impossible... And I will be here for you should you need :) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 11 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Thank you ((((((hugs)))))) :)

Thank you ((((((hugs)))))) :)
Oct 10 - 9AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

iAmMINE

Good for you, girl. I love this: Moral of the story?... ok, so u phuked some stuff up, today we get to "choose again So true! Life is not about what happens to us, but how we choose to respond to it that matters. Every day we wake up, we have a choice. We can choose to make it a great day or choose to wallow in misery. The choice is ours! Make it a great day everyone! xoxo
Oct 11 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

Thanks Lisa!!

And as a reminder to "Choose again and differently?"... I have pinned a plastic smiley face to my bedroom ceiling... when I wake up each day I gaze at it and smile and remember... today is MY day to choose again... ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 10 - 7AM
blueeyes
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like!

I like that! XOXO
Oct 11 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

(((((blueeyes)))))

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 11 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

:)

I am trying...This isn't easy! Ty for your support!